NWR: Gift question

Trifury2007

I am looking for some thougbts on gift giving within the family.  I'll try to keep it brief.

H has 2 older brothers, B1 and B2.  B1 has 2 children.  They have birthday parties for those children that we are invited to and to which we bring gifts.  B1's oldest child is also H's godchild.  B2 has 3 children.  They do not have birthday parties for those children or if they do we are not invited and we have not buy them birthday gifts in the past.  B1's wife does buy gifts for B2's children but they also buy gifts for her children.  H and I do not have and will not be having children (not sure this matters but it is additional information).  B2's oldest and youngest children just had birthdays but we have not seen them since their birthdays have passed.  We will however see them this weekend.  I was wondering if anyone would start buying them birthday gifts now and going forward?  I don't want B2's children to feel left out or something.

Also, not sure if it matters, but my sister has 4 children and I buy them gifts for every birthday regardless of whether there is a party or not and always have.  I am close with my sister and with her children, 3 of whom I am godparent for.

Thanks for your thoughts.

emilyinchile

I would buy gifts for all nieces/nephews regardless of whether or not there's a party that you're invited to.

nurse.misty

I would definitely buy presents for all nieces and nephews. I would be hurt if I wasn't being invited to their birthday parties, but I wouldn't take it out on them. I love buying presents for them honestly. I work really hard to try to have the present they don't don't want to put down.

Trifury2007

Thanks.  I was leaning that way.  H thinks B2 and his wife don't want their children to have too many gifts.  Not sure how to word that but basically he thinks there may be a strategy to not having family parties for their children.  Not sure if that is true and also not something you can really ask about either.

[Deleted User]

I am in the camp that if you are going to buy for one, you buy for all. I think things like that tend to (or at least in some families) start drama and tension.

nurse.misty

The only exception I think would be if they are Jehovah's Witness and don't celebrate birthdays.

noodle_oo

Huh, that's a tough one.  After a while, as they get older, gift giving gets very expensive (I have 8 nieces/nephews so far).  I also think it is nice to try to keep it equal among them, but I think you need to decide if you can afford it.  Once you start giving gifts it is hard to stop.  Do you think the kids notice or are sad that they don't get gifts from you?

aggiebug

I would buy them all gifts.  Then again I love spoiling my niece and nephews.

noodle_oo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-gift-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b55c2d9a-2c81-450e-bdba-d6df65833d20Post:64523d07-a429-497b-9c61-d6ab49175dd2">Re: NWR: Gift question</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks.  I was leaning that way.  H thinks B2 and his wife don't want their children to have too many gifts.  Not sure how to word that but basically he thinks there may be a strategy to not having family parties for their children.  Not sure if that is true and also not something you can really ask about either.
Posted by Trifury2007[/QUOTE]

I would say that if the parents are trying to limit the number of toys their kids get or trying to keep their kids from becoming materialistic, I would respect that.  You can still get them gifts, but lean towards useful things like clothes and books.  You may want to just ask the parents how they feel about gift giving.

Trifury2007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-gift-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b55c2d9a-2c81-450e-bdba-d6df65833d20Post:13420652-8c98-4e06-a140-bd8b99ab6d3d">Re: NWR: Gift question</a>:
[QUOTE] Do you think the kids notice or are sad that they don't get gifts from you?
Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

No, I don't think they notice at all.  Until H and I got together he did not really spend much/any time with B2 or his family.  He spent more time with B1 and his family.  So, I think he never really thought about it until now because of that.

[Deleted User]

I know my Aunts & Uncle's did have a "cut-off" age of 16 for both birthdays and holidays such as Christmas. That was fine with me, I knew I wasn't a little kid anymore. But I definitely enjoyed it while it lasted.