thank you

mob2689

Thanks for all your feed back

lyndausvi

Personally I would not have either set of parents stay for that very reason, but that's just me.  

But, just because you are paying does not mean you get first dibs on the accommodations, either

Not sure what you can do about the situation, but yeah I see why you are hurt.

Meg1036

1) It is normal for out of town guests to pay for their own travel and lodging.  I can see being a little hurt that your FSIL's family will be staying with them, but you don't know either their financial situation or their relationship with the couple.  It would definitely be rude to complain to your daughter about this.

2) The fact that you are paying for 1/2 the wedding has no bearing on where you stay.  It is very generous of you to pay for half the wedding, but you certainly do not need to.  If you cannot afford it, have a discussion with your daughter about what you can afford.

3) Gifts are never required.

4) Don't worry about what you are paying relative to your daughter's father.  What he contributes or can afford is not your business.

So definitely calm down about this.  I'm sort of guessing here but it sounds like you may be feeling a little left out overall.  If that's what's really going on here, talk to your daughter about ways (not just money) that you can be involved in the wedding.

baystateapple

You don't have to pay for anything.  Did they just instruct you about what you have to pay for? 

I don't think it's selfish of your daughter to expect you and your relatives to pay for their own hotel and lodging.  That is pretty standard.  If they do not want to pay for a hotel room or travel expenses, they don't need to come.  If she is expecting YOU to pay for their accommodations and travel expenses, then yes, she is out of line.

Also, I would tell her that neither you nor her father are obligated to pay for ANY part of her wedding, and if she wants a huge affair then she can pay for the wedding herself.

mob2689

I don't think I would have been so shocked if my daughter would have told me but I found out from the FI mother via e-mail : / and you are so correct CMgr about everything. I just found out this morning when I opened my e-mail. Feeling hurt on how I found out and that I wasn't even asked ( my daughter knows me too well as well and I am positive she would have told her FI my mom wouldn't stay with us with all that will be going on)but confused on why that would even happen. I am very happy for her no doubt....... being so far away makes it so difficult to  help her and she wants me to help her with everything. I have already made 3 trips there to pull things together for her and am honored that she needs me Just was in shock and awe............