Invitation question...plz help

fperez7542

I'm at my nephew's 1st bday and my cousin just cornered me about two things....

1. I sent my aunt an save the date but didnt invite anyone she lives with. She lives with her other daughter and the daughter two sons who are adults. He said my cousin felt bad and isnt attending because I didnt put her name on the save the date, and I need to put her name on the invitation. I wasnt inviting her, I havent spoken or seen her in over 2years! But now I feel forced.

2. The cousin that cornered me has two daughters who r over 17... a son who is 9yrs old....he asked if they r invited...again I wasn't inviting them just the parents but now I'm stuck I think...

oh and let me say that this was infront of my mom and she said oh no its and family! What was she thinking!? FI and I are paying everything... we r on a very tight budget..my parents and his said they are helping but we r not counting on them because we dont know when or how much...

My question is what should I do or say about both things my cousin is asking.

Btw way to stress me on a night I figured is about my nephew and no wedding stuff.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-questionplz-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b59de653-3243-4848-a6fe-8318202310c0Post:873c4a82-da17-47a1-89f3-a3739000ca55">Invitation question...plz help</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm at my nephew's 1st bday and my cousin just cornered me about two things.... 1. I sent my aunt an save the date but didnt invite anyone she lives with. She lives with her other daughter and the daughter two sons who are adults. He said my cousin felt bad and isnt attending because I didnt put her name on the save the date, and I need to put her name on the invitation. I wasnt inviting her, I havent spoken or seen her in over 2years! But now I feel forced. 2. The cousin that cornered me has two daughters who r over 17... a son who is 9yrs old....he asked if they r invited...again I wasn't inviting them just the parents but now I'm stuck I think... oh and let me say that this was infront of my mom and she said oh no its and family! What was she thinking!? FI and I are paying everything... we r on a very tight budget..my parents and his said they are helping but we r not counting on them because we dont know when or how much... My question is what should I do or say about both things my cousin is asking. Btw way to stress me on a night I figured is about my nephew and no wedding stuff.
Posted by fperez7542[/QUOTE]
No is not a bad word. 

Jen4948

Your cousin was being rude.  So was your mother for saying it's "and family" when it isn't and she's not paying.

I would tell him, "Cousin, I'm sorry, but the guest list is a closed subject." And I would tell your mother, "FI and I are paying and we're not inviting kids.  That's our final decision and the matter is closed.  Please don't tell anyone else their children are invited because it is not the case."  If she gets pissed, remind her who's paying and don't accept offers from her or your cousin or anyone else to pay for their kids.

fperez7542

Thank u ladies.. One more question: we r definitely having a no children wedding except our daughter who is the flower girl... When we say children, are 16 17 yr olds counted as kids?

fperez7542

Thank u for putting me at ease....Im here trying to help with my nephew and daughter and that just threw ne off completly...

Jen4948

The dividing line between "children" and "adults" is really up to you. 

zizibet

You tell them, I'm sorry,  the invitation is only for(people named on STD) We can't accomodate extra guests. Try this dip, it's delicious. Lather, rinse, repeat.
   Tell your mom, Mom, the guest list is set. We can't afford to invite everybody.
They're the rude ones, not you.

nextrightthing

The dividing line on children is up to you, but you can't put that on the invitation.  I'm guessing you know that, but in case you don't.    And yes, this is rude behavior.

Andama08

Just say that unfortunately you are on a very tight budget and although you would like to invite them you can't accommodate everyone you would like to. I'm doing the same thing, inviting my aunt and uncle who still live with my grown cousins but I'm not inviting my cousins. I come from a pretty large family, 8 aunts and uncles (not including spouses) just on my moms side, add in about 50 cousins before getting to my dad's side of the family and my FI's. It's just not possible to invite everyone.

ErinElizabethR

In Response to Re:Invitation question...plz help:[QUOTE]Thank u ladies..
One more question:

we r definitely having a no children wedding except our daughter who is the flower girl...

When we say children, are 16 17 yr olds counted as kids? Posted by fperez7542[/QUOTE]
Depends on the behavior of 16 year old. If his or her past behavior lets you to believe that he or she will be sneaking Rum and cokes all night then I wouldn't invite them, or anything other bad behavoir. But if they are well behaved a 17 year old makes a great designated driver for mom and pops. Just kidding. I'm having a no kids wedding except for my FI daughter and niece and I'm inviting my 17 year old cousin because she can behave like an adult.