Wedding Etiquette Forum

Hmm, not sure if this is tacky or not

FB friend:

Major surgery in a week, we need help with child care, meals and house work. If your able to help, please let me know.
  •  And if u wana.help but live too far, monitary gifts are greatly appreciated
(The second part is her own comment on her status)

I understand she's having surgery, but even with that... isn't it weird to ask flat out for help with child care, food, house work and money?  Like, shouldn't you just wait for people to offer? 
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Re: Hmm, not sure if this is tacky or not

  • I don't think the child care part is weird.  Kids still need someone to look after them, take them to school, make sure they don't burn the house down, you know?

    But yeah, the meals thing...do what my grandmother did, make a whole bunch of stuff in advance, and freeze it.  Or wait for someone to ask.  And the money thing...yeah.  That's not good.
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  • Yeah, I think it is rude to ask everyone on FB.  To ask your family and close friends in private, that's fine. Why do people feel the need to do this on FB?

    I also think straight out asking for money is rude no matter what, even to friends and family.  That is something that should be offered, not asked for.
  • I think it is tacky and rude. Stuff like that is expected when someone in the family passes away. But surgery? I understand surgery can lay someone up for a while, but really? If she has great family and friends, I am sure they will be offering to help with those sorts of things.
  • Yeah, I think its weird, and I actually had a similar type message show up this week from one of my fb friends.  Especially the part about money.  That's especially icky. Normally in my circle of friends someone else will coordinate help in cases like this (or new babies or whatever), so it's not the recipient directly asking for it.
  • Exactly what Bay said.  Money? C'mon now.
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  • Yeah, the more I think about it I can't help but wonder... why can't your husband take care of meals and housework?  I also assume they have insurance, her H is military- so the money thing, ugh.
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  • mica178mica178 member
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    Ick.  I would not announce surgery on FB.  And I certainly would not publicly ask for help on FB either.
  • The money part is tacky, I don't think the rest of it is.
  • I think it's weird and a bit tacky.  I thought it was tacky when one of my FB friends kept posting about how she and her FI were moving and she's pregnant so please help them! 

    I just think in most cases you should wait for people to offer and if you need to ask, do it privately not all over FB.
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  • Yeah, I'm going with weird. Before my older daughter was born, I cooked up a storm and had probably 2 weeks of meals in the freezer, ready to defrost and eat.
  • Sara, I fully plan on doing that before babybot is born.  No way am I cooking for at least 2 weeks.
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  • Yeah, I always sort of balk when I see people begging for help moving, etc. on FB.  In our circle of friends, H and I and they all have an understanding -- we all help each other move, just send a message with the date and time and if we're available, we are there.  We know they'll help us move when the time comes.

    But if someone was begging for money, food, etc. on FB...I dunno.  That's awkward and uncomfortable to me.
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  • Weird and tacky to do it on FB.  I would have no problem asking friends or family, hey, can you take the kids, or something like that. But a general post on FB and asking for monetary gifts?  Not cool
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  • I'm sure: It's tacky. Why would they even need help with meals and housework? And money, seriously? The only thing remotely reasonable is asking friends for help with childcare if mom is in the hospital and dad is there with her. But you do that in person to invididual people, not a mass note on facebook.
  • Definitely weird to post that on FB. Especially the money thing. Assuming they have insurance (which you mentioned they do) then it is especially inappropriate to ask for it publicly like that.


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  • I can understand the child care part, but if you know ahead of time shouldn't she be planning and making her own freezer meals? 

    The money thing is WAAAYYY tacky. 
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  • I suppose it's a moot point anyway- I really don't think she'd care if it's tacky.  I've known this girl for a million years and she does not give half a crap what anyone thinks.

    But yeah, this is why she's hidden from my news feed (I was checking her page and saw this).

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  • i got invited to an event a couple weeks ago.  "help (child's name) stay with his mom".

    a girl i know is a very irresponsible mother, and the father of her child decided to take her to court.  she's asking her friends to donate money so she can pay a lawyer.  as no lawyer is willing to take her on without at aleast 5k up front.  she doesn't have a case. 



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  • Just remember, Kikibot, salad in a bag IS your friend. Throw on a handful of grape tomatoes, splash on some dressing, and voila, veggies done.
  • I saw a post on TN today that someone's friend sent out an invite saying that they weren't having a party, but feel free to donate birthday money for their new MacBook Air!  
     
    They had it set up so people could make online donations.  WTF is wrong with people?  SRSLY.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_hmm-not-sure-this-tacky-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b628f42e-1849-4f21-9684-d49735c50a11Post:8e88307c-1bcc-41ca-80f0-1ec96be7904f">Re: Hmm, not sure if this is tacky or not</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just remember, Kikibot, salad in a bag IS your friend. Throw on a handful of grape tomatoes, splash on some dressing, and voila, veggies done.
    Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

    I already do this!  Super lazy, right here.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_hmm-not-sure-this-tacky-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b628f42e-1849-4f21-9684-d49735c50a11Post:be72c345-4c12-438c-b695-f6abec9d17bc">Re: Hmm, not sure if this is tacky or not</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, the more I think about it I can't help but wonder... <strong>why can't your husband take care of meals and housework?</strong>  I also assume they have insurance, her H is military- so the money thing, ugh.
    Posted by RobotLegs[/QUOTE]

    This was my first thought when I read this. If she's married, and her husband isn't deployed, why can't he help with childcare, meals, and housework. Even if I had to ask for help, I would ask my family in person, not FB. I wouldn't have to though. My mom would be here anytime FI wasn't here making sure I was taken care of. And he would certainly take care of me anytime he was home cooking and cleaning. I certainly wouldn't ever ask for money.
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  • I understand privately emailing your friends and family and asking for help with childcare. But posting a message like that on FB is like posting a want ad in the newspaper to me. And asking for money? Ick.
  • I saw that too Kiki!!!  I was so tempted to repost, but didn't because she said she'd DD and it was some chick's info out there ya know?  But day-um, that's ballsy.
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  • Extremely tacky.  At least bribe people with booze or something.

    "Hey everyone! Going under the knife.  I might need an extra set of hands around the house: fridge is full of cold ones and snacks for any takers" 

    And NEVER mention money. Gag! 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_hmm-not-sure-this-tacky-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b628f42e-1849-4f21-9684-d49735c50a11Post:b48fc4b0-0bf4-4931-ab0c-4e88a8d23bb7">Re: Hmm, not sure if this is tacky or not</a>:
    [QUOTE]I saw a post on TN today that someone's friend sent out an invite saying that they weren't having a party, but feel free to donate birthday money for their new MacBook Air!     They had it set up so people could make online donations.  WTF is wrong with people?  SRSLY.
    Posted by RobotLegs[/QUOTE]
    Well, that's a wicked sense of entitlement right there.
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  • TR, I went to the link and I was a little shocked because her name was on there.  But it was so stupid that she really deserved the public ridicule. 


    When this baby gets done cooking, I'll be sending you a link to my paypal account.  YWIA

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  • I saw the link too.  I like how someone said that if she had a "Fuuck you very much" ticket for $1 she'd have the Macbook Air in no time!
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  • I think it's tacky.

    Call around for help with the childcare and meals...and wtf? Asking for money?! H to the no.
  • Yeah... I mean, I don't know her circumstances. Maybe whatever is causing her to have the surgery is also preventing her from pre-cleaning the house and freezing meals. Or maybe she's a single mom. BUT I would approach really close friends and family members privately about that. Like ask if they wouldn't mind picking my kid up for school fo a week. I know recovery from major surgery can take six weeks or so, but that's a bit much. Especially the money part. What would the money be for? Take out? Hiring a cleaning service?
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