Venting but could also use your advice

SVPW

I found out yesterday that my brother's fiancee cheated on him while he was in boot camp. He just graduated and is now in AIT. He is completely devestated. I am pissed off because she had the nerve to fly out to his graduation on my parents dime and parade herself as a loving fiancee ready to spend the rest of their lives together, talking about how he is the love of her life and all kinds of other crap. Before they left, my parents upgraded her engagement ring at my brother's request.

 I feel like she is so phony and disgusting. I don't want anything to do with her but she has already told my mother that she will do anything and everything to get my brother back because she loves him and they are "meant to be together".  I have no desire to hear her side of the story or speak to her. I want my brother to move on and focus on his training because that is what he needs to do.

If this was your brother what would you do? I want him to know that I am here for him. I don't plan on talking to her at all. I want to stay out of it in that respect and let him figure it out. What words of encouragement would you have for your baby brother in this situation? I don't know what to do.

daffydillie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-but-could-also-use-your-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6701041-c2d1-43ef-9c0f-84aafd518a36Post:d70ca75e-40f5-4427-a673-39c1bfa0157c">Venting but could also use your advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I found out yesterday that my brother's fiancee cheated on him while he was in boot camp. He just graduated and is now in AIT. He is completely devestated. I am pissed off because she had the nerve to fly out to his graduation on my parents dime and parade herself as a loving fiancee ready to spend the rest of their lives together, talking about how he is the love of her life and all kinds of other crap. Before they left, my parents upgraded her engagement ring at my brother's request.  I feel like she is so phony and disgusting. I don't want anything to do with her but she has already told my mother that she will do anything and everything to get my brother back because she loves him and they are "meant to be together".  I have no desire to hear her side of the story or speak to her. I want my brother to move on and focus on his training because that is what he needs to do. If this was your brother what would you do? I want him to know that I am here for him. I don't plan on talking to her at all. I want to stay out of it in that respect and let him figure it out. What words of encouragement would you have for your baby brother in this situation? I don't know what to do.
Posted by SVPW[/QUOTE]

My baby brother is currently in a similar situation except his is pregnant and Im side eying the paternity. I just saw the girl at our company Christmas party with her exFI and **surprise** shes pregnant.

I had a heart to heart with her. And somehow did not break her face. My brothers is a compulsive cheater and that is why her exFI left her. So not a conversation you want to brag about your "conquests" to your FSIL.

I also had a heart to heart with my brother. Told him how it was. Took him out for a drink and talked to him. He is still teetering and hanging around to see if the kid is his, but he isnt living with her and put their wedding plans on hold.

Good Luck. Dont do anything stupid.

ILoveToRobot

I would probably feel the same way as you. Although... I do have an ever forgiving part of me that looks for the best in people. I think people make mistakes, it's as simple as that. No one is perfect and we all EFF up one way or another. I'd probably hate her for as long as I possibly could until she changed my mind.

Now, think of it this way... Let's say (and I'm not saying you would) you screwed around your FI/H and felt complete remorse and realized that you were an idiot blah blah blah. Would you hope that one day he and his family could accept you again?

If your brother accepts her again I'd suggest giving her a little leash. Let her earn your trust back. It may happen and it may never happen but it's your brothers decision and you don't want to be the person "causing" a rift in the family if you know what I mean.

VeggieLove1022

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-but-could-also-use-your-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6701041-c2d1-43ef-9c0f-84aafd518a36Post:d70ca75e-40f5-4427-a673-39c1bfa0157c">Venting but could also use your advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I found out yesterday that my brother's fiancee cheated on him while he was in boot camp. He just graduated and is now in AIT. He is completely devestated. I am pissed off because she had the nerve to fly out to his graduation on my parents dime and parade herself as a loving fiancee ready to spend the rest of their lives together, talking about how he is the love of her life and all kinds of other crap.<strong> Before they left, my parents upgraded her engagement ring at my brother's request.</strong>  I feel like she is so phony and disgusting. I don't want anything to do with her but she has already told my mother that she will do anything and everything to get my brother back because she loves him and they are "meant to be together".  I have no desire to hear her side of the story or speak to her. I want my brother to move on and focus on his training because that is what he needs to do. If this was your brother what would you do? I want him to know that I am here for him. I don't plan on talking to her at all. I want to stay out of it in that respect and let him figure it out. What words of encouragement would you have for your baby brother in this situation? I don't know what to do.
Posted by SVPW[/QUOTE]

<div>I would always be available to chat if he feels like venting, but honestly I would stay out of the whole thing if at all possible. There is a chance that he forgives her and anything you or your family may say between now and then will always be remembered. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, the bolded part is a big WTF. Your bother asked his parents to upgrade his FI's engagement ring? There's a whole lotta wrong right there for me. </div>

melb2013

This is totally your brother's call.  I would definetely call him and let him know that you are there for him no matter what.  If he chooses to take her back, I may give him a word of warning, but then I would try my hardest to forgive her in the same way that your brother forgave her.

I don't have any siblings, but FI has a sister with a troublesome FI... My FI has had a couple heart to hearts with her and laid out his concerns, but we all try to welcome her FI with open arms.

Simply Fated

" I have no desire to hear her side of the story" Without hearing her side of the story, you don't know her side of the story. I'd stay out of it. You don't ever have to be bffs with her, but you will have to face her without punching her. I suggest putting what she did behind you because it really isn't going to be good for your relationship with you brother if everytime you see them, there is tension.

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-but-could-also-use-your-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6701041-c2d1-43ef-9c0f-84aafd518a36Post:79855d3e-63e2-4d15-90dd-c61e792e082c">Re:Venting but could also use your advice</a>:
[QUOTE]" I have no desire to hear her side of the story" Without hearing her side of the story, you don't know her side of the story. I'd stay out of it. <strong>You don't ever have to be bffs with her, but you will have to face her without punching her.</strong> I suggest putting what she did behind you because it really isn't going to be good for your relationship with you brother if everytime you see them, there is tension.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>This. Totally.  You don't have to like her- you just need to deal with her if your brother takes her back.</div>

acepp916

Oh boy. This is a tough situation. What's worse is he is serving our country & she did this. That's the lowest of the low. I'll never understand the whole cheating thing. I mean if you are in love with someone, I don't know why you want to cheat. And if you feel that you aren't in love with them any longer, have the respect to end the relationship before you get involved with someone else. You can't have your cake & eat it too. If it was my brother I would tell him to get rid of her. And I would be pissed as he'll at her. But here's where there could be an issue I feel. If he chooses to forgive her, & you decide you don't want to talk/see her, it could turn into a problem with your relationship with your brother. Meaning that if his fiancé feels alienated/unwelcome in your presence, she will want to be around you less & less, or it could lead to arguments between you & your brother. My advice to you would be to tell your brother how you feel. Tell him how mad you are at his fiancé & that he deserves better than that. I would end that conversation with "but whatever you decide, I'll have your back." I hope this helps. Sorry for such a shitty situation.

KellyBrian2013

It really depends on your relationship with your brother & how he is as a person. If it was my step-brother's GF (he's 9 mos. older than me) that did it? I'd sit him down and tell him that he'd be ridiculous if he goes back to her and he deserves much better, but that I support him regardless. We've very open and blunt with one another, so I know I could tell him flat-out that (I feel) he's being an idiot for wanting to stay with her/wanting her back.

If it was my baby brother (6.5 years younger), I'd have to keep myself from hunting her down first of all, but then I'd probably sit down with my bro, tell him I'm there for him, and that I support him no matter what because that's what big sisters do. I probably wouldn't say a word about my feelings unless he specifically asked... but my younger brother is pretty sensitive (where as my SB is not).

Regardless, accept what your brother decides to do as hard as that may be. Tolerate her, if necessary.

willywally5

This is going to be tough, but you really need to stay out of it. Be there for your brother but whatever he chooses to do, you need to go with it. 

That means if he decides to stay with her, you treat her cordially and civilly for your brother's sake. You don't have to be her bestie, you just have to be tolerant.

If they break up, you can do a little happy dance and be there to help your brother pick up the pieces. 

HandBanana

TK ate my advice!

Let me try again.

You can not pick who the people you love love.  You don't have to like her or love her, just accept her.  There is no reason you have to go hear her side of the story.  It is between him and her.  Even if you simply listen to him about her behaviour and agree about her being a horrible person it could blow up in your face if he forgives everything.

Just sit back, vent to someone you can trust and try your best to let it go.

Also, PP pointed out the ring thing.  Upgrading a ring so early seems like a stereotypical red flag and why would your parents agree to pay for it.

mmmendi

I cried when I told my baby brother I was remarrying. We used to be so close, and I love and miss him dearly. I cannot imagine trying to play nice under those circumstances. I don't stomach infidelity, I sure don't stomach anyone furthering the lonely sacrifice of our soldiers. I would reach out and tell him unequivocally that I love him, that I am there for him as he proceeds - regardless of the path he proceeds on. I wouldn't reach out to talk to her. I also would be cautious not to talk about her. If he chooses reconciliation, he needs love and support without wondering if you and she will always be at odds. If he chooses to avoid her, you can still be a rock. Someone said "tolerate" ... Wise word, I think. Good luck! Your brother is lucky to have you.

StefffiC

Let him decide what to do and support him in the decision he makes. Hold nothing against his decision or his wife, if he decides to marry her. You will only drive a wedge between you and your brother.

Personally, we healed our relationship after something like this - I had an emotional affair, never went through with sex, while we were dating. It's a hard road, I would, and did, do anything and everything that he needed to heal from it, and we have a happy and loving relationship now. We followed a popular program that is advertised to work if 100% of the time if you follow the program correctly. We didn't follow it 100%, there's still a few areas we're lax on, but we have a strong, healthy, passionate relationship.

I would recommend a pre-nup and/or post nup depending on the states involved that would protect him and his assets. You can place infidelity clauses in those documents.

Sometimes people are stupid. I don't think many people set out to cheat, it's a slippery slope that you slide down slowly without realizing what's happening until you're wrapped up in it and don't know how to get out. Some people are serial cheaters and those are a different ballpark. I know if I cheated on him in any fashion again he would walk, and I don't know what I would do if he cheated on me. I don't think either one of us has it in us to heal our relationship again, nor would we be able to rebuild the trust after it was broken again.

The general rule with the program we followed is if there are no children cut your losses and move on. And, military marriages are hard to heal, even long time marriages, because you don't have much time together. We didn't follow that rule, though.

SVPW

Thank you all for your advice. The shitty part is that this is not the first time she has cheated. They were together once in high school. She is a year older and when she graduated and started college she met someone else and cheated. This was shortly after my parents took her to Hawaii with my family. They split for a couple of years. When they started dating again we were aprehensive but supportive. I really let her in my life. My son loves her like an auntie. I feel like it's the ultimate betrayal. The ring that my brother originally proposed with was a very simple promise ring. He proposed the night that he left for boot camp because she had a freaking emotional melt down and I think he wanted to reassure her of his intentions. Before he left he gave my parents full access to his bank account so that they could pay his bills. That's why he had them take her to upgrade the ring. They didn't actually pay for it.

StefffiC

Yeah, ignore my PP.

I doubt she's ever going to change and I'd say cut your losses and move on. It hurts, but it hurts less than in 10 years when you find out that the three kids you think are yours, aren't.

SVPW, YGPM in a minute.

SVPW

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-but-could-also-use-your-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6701041-c2d1-43ef-9c0f-84aafd518a36Post:b4a8e333-e38b-4b0f-9d2d-aa276a1b3d6c">Re: Venting but could also use your advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Venting but could also use your advice : My baby brother is currently in a similar situation except his is pregnant and Im side eying the paternity. I just saw the girl at our company Christmas party with her exFI and **surprise** shes pregnant. I had a heart to heart with her. And somehow did not break her face. My brothers is a compulsive cheater and that is why her exFI left her. So not a conversation you want to brag about your "conquests" to your FSIL. I also had a heart to heart with my brother. Told him how it was. Took him out for a drink and talked to him. He is still teetering and hanging around to see if the kid is his, but he isnt living with her and put their wedding plans on hold. Good Luck. Dont do anything stupid.
Posted by daffydillie[/QUOTE]



I wish I had the option to take him out for a drink but he is currently in Oklahoma and we are in California. I'm sorry for what your brother is going through. I cannot even imagine having a baby involved in my families situation. At least we would know it wasn't my brother's since he had been in boot camp for two and a half months with no physical contact with her.

SVPW

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-but-could-also-use-your-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6701041-c2d1-43ef-9c0f-84aafd518a36Post:79855d3e-63e2-4d15-90dd-c61e792e082c">Re:Venting but could also use your advice</a>:
[QUOTE]" I have no desire to hear her side of the story"

Without hearing her side of the story, you don't know her side of the story.

I'd stay out of it. You don't ever have to be bffs with her, but you will have to face her without punching her. I suggest putting what she did behind you because it really isn't going to be good for your relationship with you brother if everytime you see them, there is tension.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]



There is a good reason I don't want to hear what she has to say and it is that she has lied to me in the past and I honestly have a hard time believing her stories. I'm not reaching out to her in any way and she has yet to reach out to me which is fine.

SVPW

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-but-could-also-use-your-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6701041-c2d1-43ef-9c0f-84aafd518a36Post:37665466-d654-40e4-981a-0f03ef775923">Re: Venting but could also use your advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I cried when I told my baby brother I was remarrying. We used to be so close, and I love and miss him dearly. I cannot imagine trying to play nice under those circumstances. I don't stomach infidelity, I sure don't stomach anyone furthering the lonely sacrifice of our soldiers. I would reach out and tell him unequivocally that I love him, that I am there for him as he proceeds - regardless of the path he proceeds on. I wouldn't reach out to talk to her. I also would be cautious not to talk about her. If he chooses reconciliation, he needs love and support without wondering if you and she will always be at odds. If he chooses to avoid her, you can still be a rock. Someone said "tolerate" ... Wise word, I think. Good luck! Your brother is lucky to have you.
Posted by mmmendi[/QUOTE]





Thank you. I love him dearly and it kills me to hear the pain in his voice. Thank you for your advice. It really resonates with me.

SVPW

In Response to Re:Venting but could also use your advice:[QUOTE]I would probably feel the same way as you. Although... I do have an ever forgiving part of me that looks for the best in people. I think people make mistakes, it's as simple as that. No one is perfect and we all EFF up one way or another.
I'd probably hate her for as long as I possibly could until she changed my mind.Now, think of it this way... Let's say and I'm not saying you would you screwed around your FI/H and felt
complete remorse and realized that you were an idiot blah blah blah. Would you hope that one day he and his family could accept you again?If your brother
accepts her again I'd suggest giving her a little leash. Let her earn your trust back. It may happen and it may never happen but it's your brothers decision
and you don't want to be the person "causing" a rift in the family if you know what I mean. Posted by
ILoveToRobot[/QUOTE]

I totally get what you are saying. To be completely honest I see this as a blessing in disguise because I didn't feel that they were right for eachother.
I know when someone is going through this, that is the last thing they want to hear so I won't tell him that.

We found out that the man she cheated with is married. I don't believe that she was eaten up by guilt and that is the reason she told him. If that were the case I would totally be able to move on from this.

StefffiC

Does her affair partner's spouse know about the affair?

SVPW

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-but-could-also-use-your-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6701041-c2d1-43ef-9c0f-84aafd518a36Post:66ff3cca-9c13-4c79-8f4b-066778b6ce57">Re: Venting but could also use your advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Does her affair partner's spouse know about the affair?
Posted by StefffiC[/QUOTE]

That I do not know. I would also like the answer to that question. My mom feels like there is some reason why she is coming out with it now other than feeling guilty. Like maybe the wife did find out and warned her that if she didn't tell my brother the wife would. I have no idea.

YGPM back by the way.

StefffiC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-but-could-also-use-your-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6701041-c2d1-43ef-9c0f-84aafd518a36Post:8bdfcc67-8581-4295-9d56-2dae51f4332d">Re: Venting but could also use your advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting but could also use your advice : That I do not know. I would also like the answer to that question. My mom feels like there is some reason why she is coming out with it now other than feeling guilty. Like maybe the wife did find out and warned her that if she didn't tell my brother the wife would. I have no idea. YGPM back by the way.
Posted by SVPW[/QUOTE]

Call the wife and ask her. Then you'll know for sure.

YGPM back as well.

SVPW

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-but-could-also-use-your-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6701041-c2d1-43ef-9c0f-84aafd518a36Post:64dd0a6d-082f-4d10-8bd6-e1c57ce11b93">Re: Venting but could also use your advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting but could also use your advice : Call the wife and ask her. Then you'll know for sure. YGPM back as well.
Posted by StefffiC[/QUOTE]

I don't even know who the guy is. The only reason I know he's married is because she told my brother. My brother called my dad and told him, he called my mother who was out of town for work and then she called me.

Even if I did know, I don't want to be that involved in it. I think the best thing for me to do is stay as neutral as possible for the sake of our relationship. He and I have always been able to have candid discussions about our feelings. He has already called off the engagement, however I only got to talk to him for a minute today and then he had to get off of the phone so I don't really know where his head is at.

I just want to tell him that I love him and he deserves better. This is shitty timing but he can make it through this and be stronger.

YGPM back, thank you.

SVPW

Just to give you guys an idea, the following is copied from her fb page the day of his graduation. She was able to hang out with my family the entire time he was in boot camp acting as if she hadn't cheated, all the while talking up a storm about their wedding plans. Not normal for someone with an ounce of remorse in my opinion. I think she is only remorseful now that it's come out.


"Best day of my life so far! My love is always worth the wait, the risk, and the time apart. He and I are getting married!!! I am so so so proud of him. He has accomplished so much in two months and together we will build our lives together "

I really need to stop looking at her fb page because I just don't understand how she can say things like this knowing she had cheated.

SVPW

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-but-could-also-use-your-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6701041-c2d1-43ef-9c0f-84aafd518a36Post:37665466-d654-40e4-981a-0f03ef775923">Re: Venting but could also use your advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I cried when I told my baby brother I was remarrying. We used to be so close, and I love and miss him dearly. I cannot imagine trying to play nice under those circumstances. I don't stomach infidelity, I sure don't stomach anyone furthering the lonely sacrifice of our soldiers. I would reach out and tell him unequivocally that I love him, that I am there for him as he proceeds - regardless of the path he proceeds on. I wouldn't reach out to talk to her. I also would be cautious not to talk about her. If he chooses reconciliation, he needs love and support without wondering if you and she will always be at odds. If he chooses to avoid her, you can still be a rock. Someone said "tolerate" ... Wise word, I think. Good luck! Your brother is lucky to have you.
Posted by mmmendi[/QUOTE]

I love your advice, you are absolutely right. thanks

zantster

Just remember that even if you're not around to see it or hear about it karma is a b*&^%.  What goes around comes around and I'm sure your brother has been taking all kinds of  mental notes about her and won't say "I do" without being 100% sure otherwise he wouldn't have called off the engagement. 

And even if he did take her back at some point it doesn't mean she wins.  It just means that sometimes people need to experience a few more strikes before they strike the other person out.  But it sounds like he's no fool.  And as a man he will need you and your parents to trust him and be confident in him without hovering or being overbearing.  Sometimes saying nothing and letting someone come to you can be a way of speaking very loudly. 

Mmoray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-but-could-also-use-your-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6701041-c2d1-43ef-9c0f-84aafd518a36Post:1e52ffee-ccec-4bd9-87b1-4563247ecd68">Re: Venting but could also use your advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all for your advice. <strong>The shitty part is that this is not the first time she has cheated. </strong> They were together once in high school. She is a year older and when <strong>she graduated and started college she met someone else and cheated.</strong> This was shortly after my parents took her to Hawaii with my family. They split for a couple of years. When they started dating again we were aprehensive but supportive. I really let her in my life. My son loves her like an auntie. I feel like it's the ultimate betrayal. The ring that my brother originally proposed with was a very simple promise ring. He proposed the night that he left for boot camp because she had a freaking emotional melt down and I think he wanted to reassure her of his intentions. Before he left he gave my parents full access to his bank account so that they could pay his bills. That's why he had them take her to upgrade the ring. They didn't actually pay for it.
Posted by SVPW[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is just my two cents, but if she has a problem staying faithful when they are physically apart, then she will only eventually ruin a marriage with a military man...you know, who goes on deployment for 6-18 months depending on the branch? Loyalty is priority in that situation. Yes, it's ultimately up to your brother (and I don't necessarily think you should get involved), but he should keep that in mind. Some people just aren't cut out for that kind of relationship. 

</div>

mbrischoux

I would certainly not get involved, though I would be there for my brother.  I'd let him vent, but say nothing, because I would be so pent up with anger at her that anything I said would not be constructive, but rather incendiary. It sounds liek your parents are just as attached to her as your brother is, which can't make it any easier.  harder still, is that you mentioned your son is attached to her.  That HAS to be difficult.  The best that you can do is be there for your brother and respect what he chooses (you don't have to SUPPORT it, just respect that he is an adult and is making a decision).

On a completely unrelated note, your siggy pic is gorgeous.

SVPW

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_venting-but-could-also-use-your-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6701041-c2d1-43ef-9c0f-84aafd518a36Post:67731420-82c9-46aa-8a79-80d89fa51d40">Re: Venting but could also use your advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I would certainly not get involved, though I would be there for my brother.  I'd let him vent, but say nothing, because I would be so pent up with anger at her that anything I said would not be constructive, but rather incendiary. It sounds liek your parents are just as attached to her as your brother is, which can't make it any easier.  harder still, is that you mentioned your son is attached to her.  That HAS to be difficult.  The best that you can do is be there for your brother and respect what he chooses (you don't have to SUPPORT it, just respect that he is an adult and is making a decision). On a completely unrelated note, your siggy pic is gorgeous.
Posted by mbrischoux[/QUOTE]

Thank you for the advice and the compliment. Much appreciated. I did get a chance to talk to him tonight and he says he is done and there is no going back. We will see. I told him I support him no matter what.

She sent my mother a text message that basically said that she will do whatever it takes to make it right and that "love will prevail". She really thinks that they will work it out but my brother told her not to call him or make any contact and when and if he is ready he will contact her.