NWR: Baby shower

bridalmarch

I have a very good friend from high school whose wife does not care for me. I got an invite to her baby shower today and I'm flummoxed. I could maybe understand if it was a couples shower, but it won't be. I've met this girl one time (at the wedding) and she was rather rude.  I'm not attending, and I'm sort of unsettled that I was even invited, but I didn't know if I should still send something. I was planning on sending a card when their child is born. Is a card appropriate or do I need to send a gift because I was invited? 

mommy2my3

A gift is not expected unless you plan on buying a gift off their baby registry or plan to send a gift card with the card. Personally, I appreciated gift cards so much when I was pregnant with my babies. There is so much you need after the baby comes and you can only be so prepared. I had got a bunch of gift cards when I had my son and I was so greatful, I was able to get diapers and nursing pads and things that I didn't think of at my baby shower. So I say send a gift card and be done with it. Ps I'm sorry my paragraphs are running together, stinking mobile posting!

freebread03

An invite is not a requirement for a gift--send a card because it's your friend and his wife, but you don't have to send a gift if you don't want to (and I wouldn't if I were you since it seems like you're not interested in attending the shower).

mommy2my3

I just re read my last post and something got lost in translation, my appologies. I meant to say a gift is not required or expected. Unless you want to send something in that case like I said send a gift off their registry or a gift card. But honestly, this girl seems like she's just trying to be a brat by inviting you for whatever reason, I can only assume its in hopes of making you jealous. So for that reason I probably wouldn't do anything for her.

ericaandtom2012

A gift is not required if you do not attend the shower; however, the baby shower is not for just the mom - it's for the dad too.  I think a card after the child is born would be nice, but you could also give a gift if you want.  In this case, it's a do what you most prefer situation.  

jessicabessica

You can always decline an invitation, and you never have to send a gift.  

That said, are you sure your friend won't be at the shower?  I don't think baby showers are default women only like bridal showers are.  If your friend was going to attend, would that change how you felt about going?  I would generally try to take the high road here, especially if you hope to maintain the friendship.  It's fine if you don't go to the shower, but you met her once and seem to have an awfully strong opinion formed of her based on that alone.  

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-baby-shower-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b68d221c-ecc9-4ab1-89b7-ec32443e1076Post:c74ecbd2-f39a-4497-8469-96a04c1e9be7">NWR: Baby shower</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a very good friend from high school whose wife does not care for me. I got an invite to her baby shower today and I'm flummoxed. I could maybe understand if it was a couples shower, but it won't be. I've met this girl one time (at the wedding) and she was rather rude.  I'm not attending, and I'm sort of unsettled that I was even invited, but I didn't know if I should still send something. I was planning on sending a card when their child is born. Is a card appropriate or do I need to send a gift because I was invited? 
Posted by bridalmarch[/QUOTE]


Perhaps you were invited because it's your very good friend's baby? Baby showers are for the child not the mother.

That being said, you of course don't have to go, but perhaps the invite wasn't as random as you thought. I'm assuming as this is your "very good friend's" child you would be apart of this child's life at some point, perhaps consider sending a gift due to this and NOT due to how you feel about the mother.

haileyschwebbs

my god some of your responses are tacky as you know what on here... when you are invited somewhere regardless of the circumstances it is always kind to send a gift... even if you do not attend, people dont throw parties to receive gifts... but you are asked somewhere as a guest and you should be gracious and give a gift to the baby and your friend even if you dont like his wife. Anyone who doesnt give a gift for a shower, wedding etc is tacky... it is the right thing to do. If you cannot afford something off their registry you could always DIY something for less or search etsy for a baby related gift... everything is much less expensive there..

KellyBrian2013

In Response to Re:NWR: Baby shower:[QUOTE]my god some of your responses are tacky as you know what on here... when you are invited somewhere regardless of the circumstances it is always kind to send a gift... even if you do not attend, people dont throw parties to receive gifts... but you are asked somewhere as a guest and you should be gracious and give a gift to the baby and your friend even if you dont like his wife. Anyone who doesnt give a gift for a shower, wedding etc is tacky... it is the right thing to do. If you cannot afford something off their registry you could always DIY something for less or search etsy for a baby related gift... everything is much less expensive there.. Posted by haileyschwebbs[/QUOTE]

People don't throw parties to receive gifts? Umm, sweetheart, that's pretty much the sole purpose of a shower... to "shower" the guest of honor with, you know, GIFTS. OP it is not tacky in any sense of the word to decline the invitation. If you want to send a small token because it's your good friend's child, then do so, but do not feel obligated to do so simply because you were invited.

haileyschwebbs

i seriously disagree... and u just said it yourself... the shower is to shower someone with gifts in your mind so why the heck wouldnt u send a gift... sweetheart... 

and besides... didnt any of your mothers ever tell u that when u are invited somewhere u bring a token of your appreciation... anything,... if u cant buy something then bake something... get creative, go to a pottery shop and paint the kid a piggy bank... there are so many things u can do... but to show up empty handed or not send something when u dont go but are invited is so ridiculous... 

KellyBrian2013

In Response to Re:NWR: Baby shower:[QUOTE]i seriously disagree... and u just said it yourself... the shower is to shower someone with gifts in your mind so why the heck wouldnt u send a gift... sweetheart...nbsp;and besides... didnt any of your mothers ever tell u that when u are invited somewhere u bring a token of your appreciation... anything,... if u cant buy something then bake something... get creative, go to a pottery shop and paint the kid a piggy bank... there are so many things u can do... but to show up empty handed or not send something when u dont go but are invited is so ridiculous...nbsp; Posted by haileyschwebbs[/QUOTE]

Why wouldn't I send a gift? If I'm not close to the guest of honor and/or not financially able to give a gift, I won't. That doesn't make me a bad person. Gifts are NEVER required... that's why their, you know, GIFTS. If I sent you an invite to a party where I expected you to shower me with money, would you? I mean, since you seem to think an invitation obligates you to send something, wouldn't you then be obligated to do so even though you really don't know me? My guess is no.

KellyBrian2013

they're, not "their" gifts... can't edit from my phone, so my apologies for the error.

bridalmarch

My friend is deployed overseas, so I'm 100% positive he won't be attending. 

I don't have feelings for this girl one way or the other. I certainly don't DISlike her, but I've never had the opportunity to get to know/like her. I'm sure she's lovely. They live several states away and he and I mostly keep in touch via email and the occasional facebook chat. She is not a a huge fan of me because we had a relationship years ago. There are zero feelings beside friendship anymore and this girl has absolutely no reason to be jealous - she makes him happier than he's ever been, and I am marrying the love of my life, and he and I have a wonderful, funny, smart baby girl together. 

Like I said, I met her for the first and only time while they rounded tables at their wedding. I spent maybe 3 minutes with her, and she did come of as rude in my opinion. Maybe she wasn't deliberately rude, maybe she was shy or had her thoughts elsewhere, which would of course be understandable on that big of a day. I probably should have taken that into account, but that's just how I felt about that particular encounter. 

I take shifts in a rather upscale baby boutique when they need extra help, which my friend knows. The invite honestly seemed like a gift grab more than anything else to me. I would never invite this girl to my wedding shower, and my baby shower attendees were all family or friends who...knew me. I don't think I would recognize her if her showed up on my doorstep and vice versa, so getting an invite to the shower kind of threw me. 

And for a PP, baby showers ARE meant for the first time mother rather than the baby. That's why subsequent baby showers are seen as tacky. 

haileyschwebbs

hah! warped donna reed sense of humor... and i'm not talking about just dinner parties... and not every time... but the first time you go to someones house its nice to bring something... and when u are invited to a party u aren't requred to send a gift but you should send one even if u aren't attending... because this is the nice thing to do... and she stated this was a very close male friend of hers... regardless of how u feel about his wife... this is for HIS CHILD... why wouldn't you want to shower this child with a gift...

also agree with other poster about second baby shower being tacky... and ps to the chick with all the internet memes... i know exactly what tacky means my dear. 

haileyschwebbs

i love how u people are fighting me on the fact that i am apparently more thoughtful and caring than you are... it must be hard to have a friend like me who always thinks of others puts them before myself, does a zillion things for them... they all have tough lives lol

bridalmarch

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-baby-shower-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b68d221c-ecc9-4ab1-89b7-ec32443e1076Post:32a6978b-e8d2-450c-8ccc-211d86b3f162">Re: NWR: Baby shower</a>:
[QUOTE]i love how u people are fighting me on the fact that i am apparently more thoughtful and caring than you are... it must be hard to have a friend like me who always thinks of others puts them before myself, does a zillion things for them... they all have tough lives lol
Posted by haileyschwebbs[/QUOTE]

<div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">I don't think I'm a rude person or a bad friend for only planning on sending a congratulatory card when the baby is born, or for thinking this invite is in a bit of bad taste. Thankfully, all of my friends love me for me and not for what I do for them. </div></div>

KellyBrian2013

In Response to Re:NWR: Baby shower:[QUOTE]i love how u people are fighting me on the fact that i am apparently more thoughtful and caring than you are... it must be hard to have a friend like me who always thinks of others puts them before myself, does a zillion things for them... they all have tough lives lol Posted by haileyschwebbs[/QUOTE]

On the contrary, I feel sorry for your friends who have to tolerate your entitled behavior if/when they are unable to make it to a shower or event and/or cannot afford to get you a gift. Clearly, you'll think they're rude horrible people even if they do care about you and simply cannot give a gift at that time. At least my friends know I love them for them, not for the gifts they'll give me when I invite them places.