Wedding Etiquette Forum

Mom is paying for wedding, Aunt for shower & stealing the MoH's thunder

So my mom is paying for the wedding almost completely. She has been saving for this day since I was born. My fiance and I are totally poor, I just lost my job. My Maid of Honor isn't pullin' in the big bucks (she and I are teachers) either.So my Great Aunt (my mom's favorite aunt) volunteered to pay for the wedding shower. 

My mom, Aunt, and MoH went to go plan the shower and my MoH came back freaking out because my Aunt completely stole the show and refused to let her help or volunteer any ideas. So now my MoH is frustrated, and my aunt thinks she is justified in taking 100% control because she is paying.

I'm not allowed to know the plans so I can't weigh in on whose ideas I like better and my mom doesn't really want to take sides. I know my aunt. She is very conservative and old fashioned. I am not that. The more crazy, out there, and fun the better. So I tend to believe that my MoH would plan something I would like better, but my Aunt is paying...

What do I do? Is there anything I can do?

Re: Mom is paying for wedding, Aunt for shower & stealing the MoH's thunder

  • Your aunt is throwing and hosting the shower- it's her party, at which you and your MoH will be guests.  So, tell your MoH to put up or shut up.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • vsgalvsgal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Here's the thing.  If you MOH is not contributing to the cost, she doesn't get a say in the shower planning.  That is life.  She who pays has the say.  If your MoH wants to have some control, she needs to pony up some dough.  Your mom is right by not getting in the middle.

    You are right.  You should have no hand in planning your shower.  Just be glad you are getting one as they are not a requirement in the wedding process.  Some people don't even get one.

    There is nothing you can do except to get out of the middle and enjoy yourself at the event and be gracious to your Great Aunt for her efforts.
    ROCK IS KING!!
  • Tell the MOH that you want her to let this shower business go,
    and instead help you and your mom plan the Bridesmaid's Tea / Brunch / Lunch:

    http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/rehearsal-dinner/articles/bridesmaids-tea-basics.aspx
  • Yep.  Agree with PPs.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Unfortunately, your great aunt is running the show here.

    Just tell your MOH that you know it may not be what she would have chosen but you love her and don't care.
  • your aunts paying for it so she should have the say on what's going to be done. you MOH should suck it up and be thankful your aunt offered and is saving her so much money that she doesn't have
    RSVP: AUGUST 18,2010 image 256 Are Invited image 191 Are ready to Party!
    image 65 Will be missing out image 0 Where Are you? We can't wait Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I get the impression that your MOH is hurt because, as MOH, she is supposed to have a hand in planning the shower.  It honestly isn't her responsibility to throw the shower.  Anyone can do it.  Your aunt has offered to do it and it is her party to host.  If your MOH wants some involvement, she can offer some money or time, or she can just happily attend as a guest.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mom-paying-wedding-aunt-shower-stealing-mohs-thunder-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b696f58e-19da-41f9-9d2a-7398667759dfPost:2d01dd82-f13e-496e-824e-6563b7daaed1">Mom is paying for wedding, Aunt for shower & stealing the MoH's thunder</a>:
    [QUOTE]So my mom is paying for the wedding almost completely. She has been saving for this day since I was born. My fiance and I are totally poor, I just lost my job. My Maid of Honor isn't pullin' in the big bucks (she and I are teachers) either.So my Great Aunt (my mom's favorite aunt) volunteered to pay for the wedding shower.  My mom, Aunt, and MoH went to go plan the shower and my MoH came back freaking out because my Aunt completely stole the show and refused to let her help or volunteer any ideas. <strong>So now my MoH is frustrated, and my aunt thinks she is justified in taking 100% control because she is paying</strong>. I'm not allowed to know the plans so I can't weigh in on whose ideas I like better and my mom doesn't really want to take sides. I know my aunt. She is very conservative and old fashioned. I am not that. The more crazy, out there, and fun the better. So I tend to believe that my MoH would plan something I would like better, but my Aunt is paying... What do I do? Is there anything I can do?
    Posted by caiticlu[/QUOTE]

    The aunt is justified. She who has the gold makes the rules. She's paying, thus it's her party. Would it be nice of her to let go of a little control? Yes, but she doesn't have to. At all.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mom-paying-wedding-aunt-shower-stealing-mohs-thunder-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b696f58e-19da-41f9-9d2a-7398667759dfPost:dceec56a-a3f3-4a8e-959d-26c82060a49d">Re: Mom is paying for wedding, Aunt for shower & stealing the MoH's thunder</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your aunt is throwing and hosting the shower- it's her party, at which you and your MoH will be guests.  So, tell your MoH to put up or shut up.
    Posted by ThePinkSuperhero[/QUOTE]

    This exactly.
  • Your MOH is out of luck on this one, but she does still have some other options. She could host a 2nd small shower which would be the one your closest friends are invited to and the one from your aunt could be for family & family friends.

    Your  MOH could plan a special get together for the girls in the WP around one of the fittings. Or she could do a birdesmaids' tea as mentioned above.

    She could also throw herself into going nuts planning the bachelorette party too!!

    It sounds like she really wants to do something special for you, so just find other areas where she can help and let her know how much you appreciate her.
  • I can see how your MOH could be frustrated by not even being heard when she has ideas. However, it's your great aunt's call on what happens since she is the one throwing you the shower. Ultimately it's probably going to save your MOH a lot of money.

    Since you said you and your MOH are more crazy and fun than what your shower will probably be, your MOH could plan a girls weekend or fun bachelorette party. Honestly, she'll probably have more fun planning that than a stuffy shower. Lets face it, no matter how much fun you want a shower to be, there will always be the grandmas, great aunts, and church ladies that you have to worry about and make sure things are toned down and "by the book." You can't whip out the penis straws when your church ladies are around! :)

    You can't really ask her to plan an extra party, but if she's planning to already do something along the lines of a bacheloette/girls weekend and is still bummed about the shower, just point out how the girls weekend will be more fun anyways and you guys can get extra crazy without the older relatives to worry about.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards