Wedding Etiquette Forum

WWED? Roommate

One of H's friends has been living with us since the beginning of December.  He got a new job and moved back from Oregon.  The first agreement was that he could stay for a max of 30 days and then needed to find his own place.

Well.. His car broke down and now he has to buy a new car. So me, in a drunken state, said he could stay a little longer if he needed.  Well, he just told me he's thinking he'll need to stay with us until MAY. 

So my question is... Would you ask him to pay rent?  My power bill has gone up about $50 a month since he moved in.. And I've lost all use of spare room.

I'm thinking asking him to pay $250 a month and that includes utilities.  H and I pay $600 a month plus utilities.  Do you think this is reasonable?  I really would rather him not stay, but if he does, I feel like he needs to pay something.

CN: H's friend was supposed to stay with us for 30 days.  Now talking about staying until May.  I want to ask him to pay $250 a month for rent.  Reasonable?

Re: WWED? Roommate

  • I think that's reasonable.  And even though he's a friend I would also draw up a contract of sorts.
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  • At the very least I would ask him to pay the difference in the utility bills plus money for groceries, if he's eating meals with you.
  • I also think you need to set some ground rules for cleaning, etc., but everyone needs to be on the same page.

  • A contract is a very good idea.  My dad is our landlord so I'll talk to him and see if he can make something.  I'm thinking of having him pay to my dad so he's pay "rent" rather than just giving us money.

    He eats with us probably 1-2 times a week... And I'm sure he eats our food when we're not here.

    Ground rules for cleaning is a good idea. He sat on the couch and watched H and I clean last weekend.  That rubbed me the wrong way.

    I'm going to talk to H tonight and get everything laid out I think and then we'll sit down with him tomorrow and come to agreements. He's known for his mooching so I want to make sure all of my bases are covered.
  • Honestly?  I wouldn't bother with the rent.  I'd let him know he has until the end of the month and he could be moving along.

    It would be one thing if he was offering to pay and helping clean, buying groceries, etc, but he's majorly taking advantage of you guys right now, and that's not ok.

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  • Oh, I forgot part of my reasoning as well.

    If he can afford to pay rent for you guys, he can afford to pay it elsewhere, and there's no reason he shouldn't.  And anything he pays you is money he's not saving to put towards his rent, which means that you might end up with him there even longer.  Which wouldn't be QUITE as bad if you're being compensated, but I wouldn't want someone living with us for an extended period of time.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-roommate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b71085dc-58e0-4fd0-a046-e1fbb8af8ec0Post:3c878378-6afc-4db3-bbfd-a8043788a5f8">Re: WWED? Roommate</a>:
    [QUOTE]A contract is a very good idea.  My dad is our landlord so I'll talk to him and see if he can make something.  I'm thinking of having him pay to my dad so he's pay "rent" rather than just giving us money. He eats with us probably 1-2 times a week... And<strong> I'm sure he eats our food when we're not here.</strong> Ground rules for cleaning is a good idea. <strong>He sat on the couch and watched H and I clean last weekend.</strong>  That rubbed me the wrong way. I'm going to talk to H tonight and get everything laid out I think and then we'll sit down with him tomorrow and come to agreements. <strong>He's known for his mooching</strong> so I want to make sure all of my bases are covered.
    Posted by barrelbabe004[/QUOTE]

    Based on the bolded, I'm with J&K, I'd give him until the end of the month.  These are not acceptable behaviors.
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  • If you'd set up an agreement for him to help with cleaning and buying groceries when he first moved in and he wasn't holding up to his end up the bargain, I'd agree with J&K and dumdum.  From what you've told us, though, no such agreement was put in place, and I think at the very least you owe him a month to get his act together in terms of helping with the food and cleaning.  If he doesn't hold up to his responsibilities at that point, he needs to go.
  • J&K- Everything you said is really what's been in the back of mind since he asked if he could stay.  I agreed because I'm a pushover but I think it's time H and I have a heart to heart tonight.  I know H will agree... He likes having a roommate about as much as I do.

  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
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    edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-roommate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b71085dc-58e0-4fd0-a046-e1fbb8af8ec0Post:dcc493b2-8321-4522-9334-be618bda8d90">Re: WWED? Roommate</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you'd set up an agreement for him to help with cleaning and buying groceries when he first moved in and he wasn't holding up to his end up the bargain, I'd agree with J&K and dumdum.  From what you've told us, though, no such agreement was put in place, and I think at the very least you owe him a month to get his act together in terms of helping with the food and cleaning.  If he doesn't hold up to his responsibilities at that point, he needs to go.
    Posted by strlzfan11[/QUOTE]

    I disagree.  They are doing him a massive, massive favor by letting him stay there.  He has been there over a month, and it doesn't like he's made a peep about contributing or helping in any way.  The original agreement was a month and they don't OWE him anything!  They're doing HIM a favor. 

    There is no way in hell I'd expect to stay at someone's house for SIX MONTHS without compensating them in some way, even if it was just cleaning and cooking because I had no money.  And if he invited himself to stay for another 5 months after the original agreement period, and made no mention of helping out then, it's probably pretty freaking likely he has no intention of doing anything but freeloading for as long as possible.

    That's not ok.  It's disrespectful, lazy, and completely taking advantage of them.

    HOWEVER, I could see saying "Hey, if you're going to stay here, you need to help out around here." and seeing what happened, but I think there needs to be a very clear plan with solid rules and boundaries agreed upon.  But honestly, someone who doesn't offer to help and sits and WATCHES other people clean?  He's not likely to help when asked either, IMO.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-roommate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b71085dc-58e0-4fd0-a046-e1fbb8af8ec0Post:0d05965c-f7e8-4846-9d28-3fd67c8c3e60">Re: WWED? Roommate</a>:
    [QUOTE]J&K- Everything you said is really what's been in the back of mind since he asked if he could stay.  I agreed because I'm a pushover but I think it's time H and I have a heart to heart tonight.  I know H will agree... He likes having a roommate about as much as I do.
    Posted by barrelbabe004[/QUOTE]

    That sounds like a good place to start.  Good luck!  I hope you guys at the very least get this dude helping out around the place.  I'm angry for you. 

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  • I'm going with J&K for this one, but I'm admittedly biased since I absolutely depise living with people.
  • Gah, me too.  Sometimes I wish that H and I could live in side by side townhouses or something.  I read an article once about a couple who was married for 15 years and has lived in separate houses the whole time.  It was inspiring.

    Ok, not really.  But that's the extent of my dislike of living with other people and my love of living alone.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-roommate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b71085dc-58e0-4fd0-a046-e1fbb8af8ec0Post:93dad11b-8b9e-41d7-afe3-6fdc15670d95">Re: WWED? Roommate</a>:
    [QUOTE]Gah, me too.  Sometimes I wish that H and I could live in side by side townhouses or something.  I read an article once about a couple who was married for 15 years and has lived in separate houses the whole time.  It was inspiring. Ok, not really.  But that's the extent of my dislike of living with other people and my love of living alone.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton lived in separate townhouses next to each in London until their son was born. 

    Jay and I regularly comment on how awesome that is.  AWESOME.
  • That IS awesome.  The couple in the article I read has children, and they still live apart.  They make it work!

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  • Barrel, I think I'm with J&K on this one. Time for him to find a place of his own. He needs a new set of roomies. If you really don't want to kick him out though, I'd set up a binding contract of when he needs to be out, how much he has to pay every month, cleaning responsibilities, etc.

    How would the side by side living work? Would you sleep in the same bed and just switch nights, cook dinner together? Much as I hate cleaning up after H sometimes that just seems like more work than it's worth.
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  • Yeah, pretty much.  I mean, I'd never actually do it, but if I did, I think we'd still sleep together, eat together, etc...we'd just have our own separate places.  And some nights, it's nice to sleep alone.  At least for me.

    This is probably really bizarre sounding most people.  We're actually really pretty good at living together now, but I loved someone enough to want to be with him forever but couldn't stand living with him, I could totally see myself doing this.

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  • I think I've read that article.  It's a different way of living.  SIde by side duplex's with sleepovers, I could probably get behind that idea :).
  • Oh, and I think if you decide to go the pay me rent direction $250 is fine as long as he's chipping in for groceries and helping with the cleaning as well.  If you decide to give him til the end of the month, I'd be comfortable with that decision as well.
  • Wait, he isn't paying rent nor helping around the house? Oh heck, No.

    He needs to give you some $ & help around the house. You guys are doing him a huge favor. If he isn't thankful, then he needs to get out.

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  • All I got out of that is that I need to move to Idaho. Six hundred dollar a month rent. Holy crap.

    Also, if what y'all are paying is in the normal range it seems like he should be able to find his own place sooner rather than later. Also, I agree with everything J&K said. I also dislike living with other people. So much so that I pretty much have my own bedroom and I sleep there at least half the time. I like being alone.
  • I also think $250.00 is VERY reasonable. But, I understand where everyone is coming from. I just want to point out that when I moved in with a couple of friends it took me awhile (3 weeks) to pitch in and help clean. Besides picking up my personal things, all I did was dishes. One friend was just very particular how she liked things done, so it took awhile for me to figure out what was cool to clean and what I should just leave alone (to respect her things, you know?) Like, she didn't want me to dust her library books, but it was okay to vacuum the floors.
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  • I personally would let him stay for ONE more month and NOT charge him rent. If he questions it I would admit that the only reason you are letting him stay one more month is so he will have a deposit for where he moves to next. STAY FIRM or it sounds like this guy will take advantage like he already did asking when you where drinking. He is a big boy and needs to learn to handle life on his own, everyone has bad things happen to them at some point, we all deal with these issues I don't see why he shouldn't.
  • Anyone who is staying somewhere for free and doesn't offer to do anything around the house (and watches you do it) has already shown that they have no problem taking advantage of you.

    It probably won't be fun, but I would get something in writing immediately or have him move out.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-roommate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b71085dc-58e0-4fd0-a046-e1fbb8af8ec0Post:e9af76b0-9945-4650-a43d-386f42313776">Re: WWED? Roommate</a>:
    [QUOTE]All I got out of that is that I need to move to Idaho. <strong>Six hundred dollar a month rent. Holy crap</strong>. Also, if what y'all are paying is in the normal range it seems like he should be able to find his own place sooner rather than later. Also, I agree with everything J&K said. I also dislike living with other people. So much so that I pretty much have my own bedroom and I sleep there at least half the time. I like being alone.
    Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

    I hear you.  My parents pay $625 rent on a HOUSE, and I pay 4 times that for an apartment less than half the size. 

    Also, OP, I would absolutely ask for rent and help around the house.  During a rough period before FI and I moved to the DC area, I lived with my grandparents for 2 months.  While gram wouldnt take actual "rent", I paid my share of the utilities, bought my own groceries and helped them with whatever they needed. He needs to be a grown-up and be responsible.
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