Sorry if this is a bit long, but I really need your help. Please help!!
My fiance' and I visited his mother and announced our engagement. We've met a handful of times before, and she's always seemed warm - she's hugged me and told me that I make him happier than she's seen him in a very, very long time and that she's happy that I'm there for him and to take care of him. But when we told her about the engagement, she was at most luke-warm to the idea, and she actually kept changing the subject back to herself and not the wedding!! We couldn't even get a word in edge-wise about our engagement/the wedding. My fiance kept bringing the subject back to our engagement and the planning, which we told her that we would like her to be a part of. He said that her changing the subject back to herself shouldn't be taken personally, as it was just her - her personality and how she converses.
But we still felt really disappointed by her reaction. There wasn't a single "congratulations" or "welcome to the family." In fact, she even said that my engagement ring (which we told her that we picked out together) wasn't her style (we didn't ask), and then she went on ad nauseam about the kind of ring that she likes (apparently the opposite of what we picked out). We both suggested at different occasions that she and I to do things together (to get to know each other and do some mother/daughter in law bonding) and that I have no problem driving to where she lives (she lives under 2 hours away - my parents live MUCH further away and I visit them), and her reaction both times was that we "live too far away." Cough cough - she just visited her daughter 3 hrs away. What kind of answer is that? Before the engagement, she loved me!
Okay, so we decided that maybe she wasn't prepared, she felt bad about her son getting married (he's the second son and the last to get married in his family), something. So we let it go. Then, two weeks later we saw her again, and, when the wedding subject was brought up at some point, all she could say was that she didn't see what the big deal about weddings is, etc. But she loved her daughter's wedding and thought it was perfect. Even more, she keeps intimating that our wedding (because it's not across the street from her or something) is a burden for her or something. She keeps complaining about the "distance" and how "inconsiderate" it is that we want the wedding to be near us (again, less than 2 hours away). To top it off, she hasn't offered to contribute in any way.
My fiance is leaning towards just going forward without her input because she has a strong personality and he knows how upset she is making me (and him). But he doesn't want to make waves, and the way he deals with her is to just "yes" her and then do what he wants and not clue her in about it (the opposite way he is with me). I feel really weird about the whole situation because I don't want to make waves either, but I feel that her behavior is exceedingly rude. He's tried to bring it up with her, but nothing's changed.
PLEASE HELP! What do I / We do (or not do) ?Any and all advice is welcome!