Sister-in-law issue?

fumf44

Long story short - I am asking if anyone has been in a similar situation and what's the best option to have the least amount of "drama".

My fiance's sister (she is 34)  has alot of personal issues and is not close with us nor their parents. We are inviting her to the wedding. (Side note: we are planning/paying for our wedding completely so we have been making all decisions).

We have a limited guest list due to finances and decided no children and only a +1 if they are married/living together/ or have been together for about a 6 month time frame.

She has a boyfriend for the last few months, we had intended to invite both of them. We have never met him. However, a week ago shes breaking up with him/ he "physically harming her"..etc. etc. I don't mean to sound cold, this is just not the first time this has all been claimed this is the same story/differnt guy every few months. Anytime there is alcohol with her - there is a scene. Our wedding is open bar.

So. My question being that she is an adult, she is not of sane mind, there is no rationally speaking with her as she does not speak with my fiance nor myself.... what is the "right" thing to do to eliminate as much drama on our day?

1. Invite her and her "guest" whoever it be and let the reception staff handle a situation should it arise?

2. Invite just her and when she questions it state we had a limitied guest list? - with the chance she will show up with a guest regardless.

pokepoke27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-in-law-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b75474a4-0718-4151-a6b5-6d68a0c71879Post:782c3a84-fd82-41c9-9090-4b77f151e409">Sister-in-law issue?</a>:
[QUOTE]Long story short - I am asking if anyone has been in a similar situation and what's the best option to have the least amount of "drama". My fiance's sister (she is 34)  has alot of personal issues and is not close with us nor their parents. We are inviting her to the wedding. (Side note: we are planning/paying for our wedding completely so we have been making all decisions). We have a limited guest list due to finances and decided no children and only a +1 if they are married/living together/ <strong>or have been together for about a 6 month time frame</strong>. She has a boyfriend for the last few months, we had intended to invite both of them. We have never met him. However, a week ago shes breaking up with him/ he "physically harming her"..etc. etc. I don't mean to sound cold, this is just not the first time this has all been claimed this is the same story/differnt guy every few months. Anytime there is alcohol with her - there is a scene. Our wedding is open bar. So. My question being that she is an adult, she is not of sane mind, there is no rationally speaking with her as she does not speak with my fiance nor myself.... what is the "right" thing to do to eliminate as much drama on our day? 1. Invite her and her "guest" whoever it be and let the reception staff handle a situation should it arise? 2. Invite just her and when she questions it state we had a limitied guest list? - with the chance she will show up with a guest regardless.
Posted by fumf44[/QUOTE]

<div>First of all - it does not matter how long someone has been in a relationship. If they are dating by the time your invitations go out, then their boyfriend/girlfriend (considered a significant other) should also be invited. They are a social unit (however new) and should not be split up. It is not up to you to decide the seriousness of their relationship.  </div><div>
</div><div>If she is not in a relationship then you do not need to extend a plus one. However, as stated above, if she is in a relationship at the time your invitations go out, then you need to invite him. </div><div>
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fumf44

fair enough - thank you!!

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-in-law-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b75474a4-0718-4151-a6b5-6d68a0c71879Post:48db672e-ff6b-4597-8ccf-47e318bb10c3">Re: Sister-in-law issue?</a>:
[QUOTE]HMM, is that really the social unit rule, that if someone is recently dating someone/breaking up etc, that person should still be invited?   I am not certain I would agree with taking it that far, BUT for immediate family, would be more lenient.  
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

<div>If someone considers him/herelf in a relationship, that guest should be invited with his or her significant other. Period.</div><div>
</div><div>If they broke up, fine. You don't have to invite that person with a guest. If they start dating someone after you've sent the invitations (sent 6-8 weeks before the wedding), you're in the clear to not invite the SO. </div><div>
</div><div>FWIW, one of my best friends broke up with her GF the week I sent out my invitations. I told her she was welcome to bring another guest in her place, not because I had to, but because she's my friend and I wanted her to be comfortable.</div>

fumf44

Thanks for all that responded! I agree its not fair to judge what relationship is "serious" and what isn't - and I have no problem not included "plus 1's" - I think it is a case-by-case basis, but being that it is my fiance's sister, I felt this was a tricky situation. Thank you so much for all of your opinions!