Wedding Etiquette Forum

Registry Etiquette question

So, my cousin got married over the holidays in a last minute ceremony, that only involved her immediate family and few close friends, from what I hear.  She has posted pics and updates on facebook, and she also posted a link to her wedding website.

On the website, she tells their whole story, meeting, getting engagaed, the ceremony, etc, which was nice to read and hear about and see the pics.  But then at the very bottom of that narrative, they have a link to where they are registered.  Seeing that really kind of bumped me and I totally gave it the side-eye... but I was wondering, is that bad etiquette, or is it just me?

Growing up her family had tons of drama and issues with the rest of the family over a family restaurant business... totally not her fault, but I'm not really her hugest fan... and her whole family kind of rubs me and my fam the wrong way anyways.

There is also a page w/ information about a "reception" with just the date, location and registry info.  I can't attend anyway, because I will be out of town, but I'm not really sure who is invited anyway... like everyone who sees her link?  Or ppl who get an invite?  I don't know, it doesn't matter.

Just genuinely curious if this would be considered bad etiquette to put the registry info out there like that?

Re: Registry Etiquette question

  • Not so much the registry info, but she really is asking for trouble by putting the website on facebook.
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  • Having registry info on the website is ok.
  • The website is an acceptable place for putting the registry information.

    I think putting the website on FB was pretty stupid.
  • So it IS ok to have the registry information, even though most people were not invited to the ceremony?  I thought that was a no-no? 

    Thanks for the responses though... sounds like some of my side-eying probably is coming from already having a predisposition to be offended by her.
  • achiduckachiduck member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited January 2012

    Ditto PPs. There's nothing wrong with putting your registry info on your wedding website. But putting a link to that on FB is just asking for trouble.

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  • kinsey0628kinsey0628 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2012
    Thanks for the info... I guess I feel annoyed, bc I sent them a card and thought I was being this great person, but now kind of feel like --  I guess they REALLY would have liked a gift, not just a card.

    We are practically estranged and I thought sending a card would be a really nice gesture of goodwill... now I kind of feel like it was stupid.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-etiquette-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b82370a6-391b-48a2-8406-73593216f3f9Post:a95e756f-c2bd-4416-9d4d-fb6d45c3d768">Re: Registry Etiquette question</a>:
    [QUOTE]So it IS ok to have the registry information, <strong>even though most people were not invited to the ceremony?</strong>  I thought that was a no-no?  Thanks for the responses though... sounds like some of my side-eying probably is coming from already having a predisposition to be offended by her.
    Posted by kinsey0628[/QUOTE]

    See that's where the problem actually is.  It's absolutely okay for her to put her registry info on her website.  It's what we recommend, so that those looking for the info can find it.  It's also very common to list the schedule of events on the website; it doesn't mean you're invited because you can see it, it's just supposed to help those who are invited keep track of everything. 

    Where she erred was in sharing that link with everyone on her facebook; it really should have only been shared with those invited, via an invitation insert or save the date.
  • kinsey0628kinsey0628 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2012
    Ok.. yeah I see what everyone is saying.  That DOES make a lot of sense... it's ok to put it on the website, not so great to share the website w/ everyone on FB... yep, I definitely get that now.

    ETA: I knew that I could count on getting the right answers here :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-etiquette-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b82370a6-391b-48a2-8406-73593216f3f9Post:e43800b3-0fb8-496e-9933-df2829e30628">Re: Registry Etiquette question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for the info... I guess I feel annoyed, bc I sent them a card and thought I was being this great person, but now kind of feel like --  I guess they REALLY would have liked a gift, not just a card. We are practically estranged and I thought sending a card would be a really nice gesture of goodwill... now I kind of feel like it was stupid.
    Posted by kinsey0628[/QUOTE]

    Sending a card was very thoughtful of you; I'm sure she appreciated it.  Generally brides don't register to be all "YOU MUST BUY ME A PRESENT!"  They register so that those who WANT to buy them a gift can get something they actually want/need/will go with their other stuff. 

    Also, I'm not sure from your post if it was a card with cash/check or just a card (either way it was thoughtful of you and perfectly okay; since you never have to give a gift) but if you did give them money I'm sure they're PERFECTLY happy with that rather than something off the registry.  So definitely don't feel stupid for that.  Many couple prefer cash to a gift; even if it's off the registry.
  • Meh, I find it really tacky.  I think the issue for me is that this isn't really like a wedding website in the way that most people use them.  Usually, the purpose is to have a place where you can put up hotel/travel info, iteneraries, menu info, a few photos/stories, and then possibly registries.  It's meant to be a source of information for your guests when they are planning to attend.  

    This website has her ceremony photos and story on it, and sounds like it was meant to tell the story to those that weren't invited.  To me, that's different than putting your registry on a page with hotel blocks.
  • Thanks Kate :)  I did NOT even send cash... it was really just a standard card, just meant as a general well-wish that I thought would be nice, since we were really close as little kids, but now we don't speak at all and there is bad blood between the families.  So yeah, hopefully they like it, but whatever..

    MyNameIsNot... yeah, that is kind of how the whole thing struck me.  As it's not just general info for guests, it was more like "Here's how it went down... and here's where we are registered."
  • I think it was kind, given your relationship with her, to send a congratulatory card. I'm sure she'll take it that way, and if she doesn't she's a douche canoe.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-etiquette-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b82370a6-391b-48a2-8406-73593216f3f9Post:038e1401-4589-47c7-b3a7-889fe554bc11">Re: Registry Etiquette question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it was kind, given your relationship with her, to send a congratulatory card. I'm sure she'll take it that way, and if she doesn't she's a douche canoe.
    Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

    Thanks arag :)  Hahahah douche canoe
  • Like PP said, putting registry info on a website isn't poor etiquette.  However, the fact that she shared it on FB and that she is having a big reception a while after the ceremony is occured strikes me as odd.  The whole point of the reception is to thank your guests for attending the ceremony, which can't happen if the ceremony occured weeks, or even months, ago.
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  • I don't think it's tacky for her to still have the registry info on her website after the wedding.

    I do think it was tacky to post the website on FB.

    And it's weird to have the reception info on her website like that.  I hope she gets a few unexpected guests from that faux pas.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-etiquette-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b82370a6-391b-48a2-8406-73593216f3f9Post:a95e756f-c2bd-4416-9d4d-fb6d45c3d768">Re: Registry Etiquette question</a>:
    [QUOTE]So it IS ok to have the registry information, even though most people were not invited to the ceremony?  I thought that was a no-no?  Thanks for the responses though... sounds like some of my side-eying probably is coming from already having a predisposition to be offended by her.
    Posted by kinsey0628[/QUOTE]

    I'm actually on your side. I think since she had such a small wedding, a registry is really out of place. Sure, people often get some gifts from a few people not invited to the wedding. But in this case, I don't see how the dozen or so people invited to the wedding would NEED a registry, and therefore it look presumptuous, IMO.
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  • From everywhere else on the board it always seems that having a "tiered reception" or having a reception after the wedding is bad etiquette in general. I've seen it said a million times that if those people were not invited to the wedding then the couple is generally just hosting a party since none of those people had anything to do with the wedding. And I think I see what your saying, it seems gift grabby. I wasnt good enough to be invited to your wedding, and you don't state wether or not I may be invited to your "reception" but you can tell me where to purchase you a gift?
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  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-etiquette-question-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b82370a6-391b-48a2-8406-73593216f3f9Post:43fedd13-67a4-4f72-bd25-fa1f4f2ac7de">Re: Registry Etiquette question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Like PP said, putting registry info on a website isn't poor etiquette.  However, the fact that she shared it on FB and that <strong>she is having a big reception a while after the ceremony is occured strikes me as odd.  The whole point of the reception is to thank your guests for attending the ceremony, which can't happen if the ceremony occured weeks, or even months, ago.
    </strong>Posted by ast.meghan[/QUOTE]

    I can't believe you are the first person here to mention this.
    OP, your cousin decided to have a small wedding and now thinks she is entitled to a reception with a first dance, cake cutting, etc (Unless she's not planning those things)? And worst of all, a Registry!!

    She chose to have a ceremony this way, she does NOT get to have a reception and a registry afterwards. As Meghan said, the reception is to thank your guests for attending your ceremony. So basically, she will just be having a party, in order to get gifts. Extremely rude. I personally would not give a gift at all.

    ETA: Also, it does not matter what the reason for the last minute ceremony was, whether it was illness related, miltary related or something else. She still isn't entitled to have the big reception and register for gifts as an afterthought. It is rude to invite people to the ceremony and not the reception, and it is rude to invite people to the reception and not the ceremony. So if she's going to have a reception of any kind (which she shouldn't have anyway), the only people invited should be the people that were invited to the ceremony, in this case, her immediate family.
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