Wedding Dress Code

hannahbeez

I have a sticky issue with the dress code for my wedding. The men in my family have a habit of wearing jeans and a clean t-shirt to all the family events, including weddings, and I would like everyone to wear nice clothes, the kind you would wear to Sunday morning church. How do I tell everyone, on my website, that the dress code for the wedding is going to be nice slacks and a button down shirt, maybe even a tie? And without sounding "snooty"?

libby2483

You don't.  There is no way to say this without sounding insulting.  Your guests are capable of dressing themselves, and if they choose inappropriate attire, it will reflect badly on them, not on you.

lyndausvi

You can't.

I would sprend via word of mouth.   Or you can pick a venue like a Country Club that requires those things.


Other wise I just suggest lowering your expectations, because its unlikely it's a habit they will break just for you.

Vandelay007

You can indicate on the wedding website "semi-formal attire".

I wouldn't put it on the invitation, but IMO it's fine to put that on the website, and spread it by word of mouth.

At the end of the day, you can't really control how people dress to your event, so you might have to prepare yourself that some people won't follow your dress code, but that reflects on them if they choose to dress like a slob to a wedding. I remember at my friends wedding, her cousin wore shorts!!! and not dressy shorts... beach shorts! It looked so trashy... but I only thought he was trashy, not the wedding.

Good luck

JaxInBlue

Agree with libby.  There are only times when you can push a guest code down onto your guests including (1) if you are having a truly black or white tie affair, with all the trappings appropriate to each or (2) if a venue you are utilzing has a dress code that guests must abide by in order to enter.  If your wedding doesn't meet these conditions, then there isn't much you can do.  You should be sure your invitations are formal enough to suggest a coat and tie.

You could try a couple of subtle things, like posting pictures of your venue on your wedding website that give more of a sense of the formality of your event.  You could also post pictures or descriptions of what your wedding party will wear; in planning our own wedding, several women asked me about the length and style of the bridesmaids' dresses to gauge what their own dresses should be.  Neither is an absolute guarantee that people will change their behavior for your wedding.  People attended our wedding in jeans - it was NBD.

zizibet

You really can't tell your guests what to wear. The only times a dress code is acceptable is if the venue itself has one, or you are having a true black tie wedding.

Simply Fated

Even if you told them to wear nicer clothes, they'll probably ignore you, anyway. If thats what they wear to weddings, that's what they'll wear. Nothing YOU say is going to change that. Save yourself the trouble and laugh it off.

Twowarlocks

I think it's totally ok to let your guests know to wear church type clothing. I made a wedding website and I have a FAQ section where I advise my guests what to wear. I hate going to weddings and not knowing what to wear. 

And I think it's also in how you word it. Church type attire is recommended  sounds better than  you must wear church type attire. 

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-dress-code-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b85d51a4-9de8-4f78-b428-4a50447fd832Post:064a6ea7-ebb1-4830-bee1-8f01bfe5c04a">Re: Wedding Dress Code</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's totally ok to let your guests know to wear church type clothing. I made a wedding website and I have a FAQ section where I advise my guests what to wear. I hate going to weddings and not knowing what to wear.  And I think it's also in how you word it. Church type attire is recommended  sounds better than  you must wear church type attire. 
Posted by Twowarlocks[/QUOTE]

<div>I wouldn't advise a FAQ section for guest attire. It really does sound snotty - if you send me an invitation, I will match my attire to its formality level. Spread it word of mouth and give examples when you're talking to people. Let them know slacks and a button down would be appropriate but I wouldn't expect them to come in fancy clothes if they usually go to weddings in jeans. Don't worry - it really won't ruin your pictures or day. :-) </div>

BreanaThompson

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying semi-formal with maybe a description of what that is. Some weddings are more formal than others and as a guest I like to know what the bride and groom prefer so I can dress accordingly. 

However I recently went to a friends wedding website, it did this which was fine to me. But at the end there was a "Jeans and tshirt are NOT ok." I thought that was rude. Just something in the phrasing left me put off, so absolute and demanding. I might just be being sensitive, but I wouldn't recommend doing that. They are really nice people, so I'm sure they weren't trying to be rude, but if I didn't know them I would wonder.

And I agree you can't control them, so you can probably expect people to show up in jeans if it's common in their circle. Don't take it as an attack though, they just have a different view on weddings than you, and likely don't realize they are suppose to dress up more.

lovesclimbing

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-dress-code-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b85d51a4-9de8-4f78-b428-4a50447fd832Post:d14b9552-f65d-45cc-b19b-214aba812e01">Wedding Dress Code</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a sticky issue with the dress code for my wedding. The men in my family have a habit of wearing jeans and a clean t-shirt to all the family events, including weddings, and I would like everyone to wear nice clothes, the kind you would wear to Sunday morning church. How do I tell everyone, on my website, that the dress code for the wedding is going to be nice slacks and a button down shirt, maybe even a tie? And without sounding "snooty"?
Posted by hannahbeez[/QUOTE]

<div>I  wear jeans and a nice blouse to church on Sundays at least 75% of the time and I know many other people who do as well.</div><div>
</div><div>I had at least a couple people wear jeans to my wedding and didn't mind at all.  They still looked very nice.</div>

kmmssg

Ditto Stage and Kristin.  You can't tell them what to wear, and, frankly, unless your venue has a dress code or you are having a TRUE black tie wedding, it isn't any of your business.

When one of our girls is getting married we don't treat the guests like props to make our pics look pretty.  Our pics look great because our guests look like who they are.

As long as you aren't dressed in a manner that would offend my deeply conservative Catholic FIL (club dresses, hooker outfits)  you are very welcome to attend.  If you show up in jeans and a clean t-shrit I"m gonna give you hug, welcome you, and tell you to have a great time.

I think having this on a wedding website is very poor form unless, again, the venue requires a tie and jacket, or it is a TRUE black tie wedding.

Summer2011Bride

Ditto most of the others who said you cannot tell them how to dress. And making up a fake type of dress like "church type attire" is not going to fix the problem. What if they don't attend church and have no concept of what that is? What if, like many people I know, they attend a casual church where jeans and t-shirts are perfectly acceptable to wear? Problem not solved. Plus it may offend some guests to put that.

The invitations to your wedding should clue guests in to the formality of it, as well as venue, etc. They may miss these cues, and that's OK. Frankly if someone always wears a certain outfit to a wedding, I don't think what you say to them or put on an FAQ section of a website will really change that. I also think how your guests dress is a silly thing to stress about and one you have absolutely no control over.

RamonaFlowers

Unless your venue has a strict dress code where they will turn your guests away for not wearing proper attire, you're SOL.

If people show up in jeans, it doesn't reflect poorly upon them, not you. If you try to tell people what to wear simply because you don't like how they choose to dress, it reflects poorly upon you, not them.

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-dress-code-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b85d51a4-9de8-4f78-b428-4a50447fd832Post:8712acb0-ae5b-48da-a524-bfa11f430ec1">Re: Wedding Dress Code</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Wedding Dress Code : <strong> I  wear jeans and a nice blouse to church on Sundays at least 75% of the time</strong> and I know many other people who do as well. I had at least a couple people wear jeans to my wedding and didn't mind at all.  They still looked very nice.
Posted by lovesclimbing[/QUOTE]

I can't remember the last time I wore slacks instead of jeans to church. Church attire to me means nice jeans with no holes and a nice shirt. Fun story - FI and I went to a wedding at my church. It was a Saturday morning wedding, so I wore a sundress and FI wore slacks and a polo because 1) the invitation was informal and 2) it was at my church and FI wanted to dress up a little bit. We were the most casually dressed people there - most ladies were in cocktail dresses, men were in suits or tuxes or at least had on a tie. I don't think the bride even noticed. We were embarrassed, but it didn't reflect on the bride and I'm sure it didn't ruin her pictures. Guest attire is something you need to just let go, OP.