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"and Family" on invitation

I just read on another post not to put "and Family" to note that you are including the kids in the invite. Well now I'm a little worried because there are a few that I don't even know the names of the kids for. Most of the kids are on my FI's side and they're either family friends with kids FI doesn't know or family that he's not really close with and doesn't know the kids names.

Re: "and Family" on invitation

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-family-on-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b92e528d-1744-4b18-954e-c2f96e364d9ePost:03c2783f-2e7b-48d0-b398-c7f899cb321e">"and Family" on invitation</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just read on another post not to put "and Family" to note that you are including the kids in the invite. Well now I'm a little worried because there are a few that I don't even know the names of the kids for. Most of the kids are on my FI's side and they're either family friends with kids FI doesn't know or family that he's not really close with and doesn't know the kids names.
    Posted by lizap77[/QUOTE]

    Then he needs to make some phone calls.   You'll need the names when it's time to seat them and thank them for gifts so pick up the phone and ask.

    This is one of the times that the groom needs to pick up the phone.  
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    lizap77lizap77 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-family-on-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b92e528d-1744-4b18-954e-c2f96e364d9ePost:c18a1951-66a6-4c05-91f2-282046b78fe9">Re:quot;and Familyquot; on invitation</a>:
    [QUOTE]I assume if they are close enough to be invited to the wedding, SOMEONE on FI's side must know their names. Ask. If literally no one related to your FI knows the names of these children of "family friends", why are you inviting them at all?
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    To be honest, we're inviting them because she asked us to. That wasn't a big deal to us. We didn't have to make cuts to accommodate them, so we had no reason to say no. His mom hopefully knows some, I'll have him call her.

    His cousin also recently moved to Australia and met his wife, who had children from a previous marriage. They're not super close so I guess I'll have FI's mom ask his uncle.

    There are also a few of FI's friends (one is a groomsman) that have had babies recently, but he can't remember their names. They are good friends but live out of the area so we don't see them often (haven't met any of the babies yet). He has been told (I'm sure multiple times) about baby "johhny" over phone calls and such, so it just makes him feel bad to ask "oh btw, what was your baby's name again?".
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-family-on-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b92e528d-1744-4b18-954e-c2f96e364d9ePost:ab050752-a3d6-4ab9-a786-0202048f01e7">Re:quot;and Familyquot; on invitation</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:quot;and Familyquot; on invitation : To be honest, we're inviting them because she asked us to. That wasn't a big deal to us. We didn't have to make cuts to accommodate them, so we had no reason to say no. His mom hopefully knows some, I'll have him call her. Posted by lizap77[/QUOTE]

    Sorry I re-read that and I wasn't clear... "she" meaning FMIL. We asked both sets of parents if there were people they think we should invite and got a list from each.
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    I did "and family" and you know what? It was great and easy.
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    I did "and Family" on several invitations.  I think I can trust people to understand that it is meant for those they live with.  I did give seperate invites to those over 18 living at home.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-family-on-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b92e528d-1744-4b18-954e-c2f96e364d9ePost:62c76ff9-6e88-4e13-80d3-c30163e13e9c">Re:quot;and Familyquot; on invitation</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto checking FB to get some of these names. If your FI's friends are anything like the new parents on my FB feed, every other post will be about their babies.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I thought they would be all over facebook too!! My friends talk about their babies all the time on facebook with updated pictures weekly. But his guy friends do not.

    Thanks for the suggestions. I think we're just going to have to make some calls and try to slide in a baby comment and hope they mention "oh yeah "little johhny" did x today".
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    Did you check the Facebook PICTURES? That's where I find out a lot of kids' names.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-family-on-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b92e528d-1744-4b18-954e-c2f96e364d9ePost:7dd5a425-341b-4097-bf4e-939d7a0bac61">Re: "and Family" on invitation</a>:
    [QUOTE]I did "and family" and you know what? It was great and easy.
    Posted by chinofiesta93[/QUOTE]

    And rude.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-family-on-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b92e528d-1744-4b18-954e-c2f96e364d9ePost:e36486a4-c7d3-4103-9744-13c7f1542f09">Re: "and Family" on invitation</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: "and Family" on invitation : And rude.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    Rude to who, though?

    I've never understood. I would not be offended if someone wrote "and family" instead of my kids names.
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    In Response to Re::[QUOTE]In Response to Re: "and Family" on invitation:In Response to Re: "and Family" on invitation : And rude.Posted by banana468Rude to who, though?I've never understood. I would not be offended if someone wrote "and family" instead of my kids names. Posted by chinofiesta93[/QUOTE]

    Judging something as "It's only rude if it would offend me," is poor criteria.

    Everyone you invite should be on the envelope by name. If my kid is invited then name her. It's as rude to put the kids as "and family" just as you don't invite established social units with "and guest."
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    I've been struggling with this as well.  I always thought it was appropriate to write "The Lastname Family", but I'm trying to find ways to achieve more clarity on who's invited.  We don't plan on doing inner envelopes (they'll cost extra, and we're on a VERY tight budget.  But I'll consider doing them if necessary).  If you don't do the inner envelopes, what do you write on the outer ones?  My cousin is married with 4 kids, who are all invited.  My FI says to list all children's names on the outer envelope, but I feel that would be WAY too crowded and just look sloppy.  I know this isn't my thread, but any ideas would be appreciated :)
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    We had no choice to but to do a "and family"

    We did evites (which were beautiful) but only found out the day we sent them that we could not use commas in the section to enter their names. So instead of writing ; John Doe, Jane Doe and Jimmy Doe we had to write John doe and family. I wasn't thrilled because we spent so much time trying to figure out the names of all of FI's cousins and the kids (he has a HUGE family from afar, so he forgets who is whos kid) so it seemed like time wasted. 

    In any case, we have 60+ rsvps, and no problems so far
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