How do you tell an EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBER they're not invited?

Karebear852k3

Okay so it goes like this:

Very dysfunctional family.  Never really felt close with my dad's side of the family when I was younger ANYWAY, dad had to leave when I was 12, haven't seen or talked to him since I was 16 (for my own reasons). 

Fast forward to now.  Thanks to Facebook, I've gotten in touch with some old family members.  Of course today is 1 year to the day until my wedding   And I posted as such on Facebook how excited I was.  My cousin (dad's sister's daughter, who besides being friendly on Facebook I haven't seen or talked to in years) says in reply "does your cuzzin get an invite???  (We are the normal ones, I promise)"

Small wedding (50-60 people tops!) and FI and I pretty much have it set that this person was not even coming because we're keeping it to super immediate family and super close friends only...

How do I address this without offending her?

Karebear852k3

Okay so it goes like this:

Very dysfunctional family.  Never really felt close with my dad's side of the family when I was younger ANYWAY, dad had to leave when I was 12, haven't seen or talked to him since I was 16 (for my own reasons). 

Fast forward to now.  Thanks to Facebook, I've gotten in touch with some old family members.  Of course today is 1 year to the day until my wedding   And I posted as such on Facebook how excited I was.  My cousin (dad's sister's daughter, who besides being friendly on Facebook I haven't seen or talked to in years) says in reply "does your cuzzin get an invite???  (We are the normal ones, I promise)"

Small wedding (50-60 people tops!) and FI and I pretty much have it set that this person was not even coming because we're keeping it to super immediate family and super close friends only...

How do I address this without offending her?

wadingmoose

"We haven't finalized our guest list yet."

And avoid posting about your wedding on FB unless everyone there is invited.

smokeybailey

I'd say, no, she doesn't.  too bad so sad.

But that's just me.  Go with Moose's response.

swim1011

I'd either say you haven't finalized the guest list, or just ignore the comment.  There is no obligation to respond to rude posts like that.

frenchy730

Did you know fb has filters for status updates?  I suggest creating a list of people who you don't want seeing your wedding updates (i.e. everyone NOT invited).  Facebook has a weird way of making people you don't see often feel very involved in your life. 

Birdie1483

I agree with the PP. Either respond with a generic answer or not at all and set a filter so they can't see your posts in the future. If you don't see them in real life then you don't really run the risk of having that awkward run in at a family function.

I have this same problem with my dad's side of the family. None of them really cared about me growing up and never came to any graduation parties, birthdays, etc. Except now they're all like "i love and miss you!" on Facebook. Right. I bet you do. Not enough to call me though, right? They won't be getting an invite from me.

Kristin789

"Oh, my parents are hosting the wedding, and I think they have finished the guest list, keeping it really small.  But you can call my mom if you want.  Here's her number:  555-555-5555."

riverjib

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-extended-family-member-theyre-not-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b9865dec-81f6-44c5-8fb0-433056f297d2Post:019fad50-9c24-4303-bcf4-721304eff592">Re: How do you tell an EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBER they're not invited?</a>:
[QUOTE]"We haven't finalized our guest list yet." And avoid posting about your wedding on FB unless everyone there is invited.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

That would be great if it didn't sound extremely cold. I'd message your cousin and be straight with her...something like, "We're only inviting a handful of our closest friends and family due to financial constraints." Unless you know you can invite her, DON'T make her think she *might* be invited. You're better off being honest and rekindling the friendship/family relationship without allowing your wedding to be the "jumping off" point for this.

sophs_ro

Yeah just tell her straight that you're sorry but you just can't afford a big wedding with lots of people etc etc etc. Unless she;s a total ass she'll understand.

And also it is quite rude of her to put you on the spot like that.

JanoBean75

Don't mention wedding related things in front of people you're not inviting. For some reason everyone who you ever said hello to is going to expect an invitation. So far, no one has outright asked me if I'm inviting them, but I keep my mouth shut about our wedding.

Ditto the PPs that said to just let her know you haven't finalized the guest list, but you're planning on inviting close friends and immediate family only.

scooney90

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-extended-family-member-theyre-not-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b9865dec-81f6-44c5-8fb0-433056f297d2Post:edb0e659-6901-4383-8525-30aa66f310e1">How do you tell an EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBER they're not invited?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay so it goes like this: Very dysfunctional family.  Never really felt close with my dad's side of the family when I was younger ANYWAY, dad had to leave when I was 12, haven't seen or talked to him since I was 16 (for my own reasons).  Fast forward to now.  Thanks to Facebook, I've gotten in touch with some old family members.  Of course today is 1 year to the day until my wedding :)  And I posted as such on Facebook how excited I was.  My cousin (dad's sister's daughter, who besides being friendly on Facebook I haven't seen or talked to in years) says in reply "does your cuzzin get an invite???  (We are the normal ones, I promise)" Small wedding (50-60 people tops!) and FI and I pretty much have it set that this person was not even coming because we're keeping it to super immediate family and super close friends only... How do I address this without offending her?
Posted by Karebear852k3[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I had a similar situation recently.  I too (in my excitement) made a facebook status about something wedding related. I had a friend of mine tell me via facebook that she was so excited to come down for our wedding and was working on convincing her husband to make the trip.  This friend is a woman who lives in a different state who I've seen once in the past 3 years and only speak with via facebook every so often.  I just sent her a message explaining we were trying to keep it small and even with our immediate family we were having guest list issues.  She took it really well and totally understood.

</div>

brownd9

I haven't posted anything about my wedding on facebook but "friends" have heard through word of mouth about my recent engagement and started posting things on my page like, "when is the wedding date?", "can't wait to see you at the wedding". etc. I have never been very public with information like that and I actually deleted one of the posts. The others, I just ignored. If someone really wants an answer they can pick up the phone!