Wedding Etiquette Forum

rehearsal dinner/wedding guest list and significant others

Will you be inviting the significant others of your bridal party to the rehersal dinner?? Does it make a difference of whether they are engaged, dating, just met and you never met them? Struggling with rehersal dinner, we are at 50 people already which is about 1/3 of our guest list. 

Also, are you inviting everyone in your bridal party with a date even if they are not dating anyone? What about all the other "singles" at the wedding? Fiance and I are first to get married so basically if we invite every one of our friends with a date about 1/3 -1/2 of our wedding will be a bunch of random people. 

And yes I know that anyone invited to the rehersal dinner is also invited to the wedding. But can a significant other come to wedding and not to rehersal?

Just looking for what others have done.

Re: rehearsal dinner/wedding guest list and significant others

  • Any guest invited to an event (aka the wedding/rehersal dinner) should be invited with their significant other.
    So if they're married, engaged, or have someone they call their boyfriend/girlfriend, they should be invited.

    If a person is truly single and does not consider themself in a relationship, you don't have to invite them with a date, however it's really nice to give the wedding party members all a plus-one, it's really nice to give single out-of-town guests a plus one, and it's really nice to give people who wouldn't know anyone else at the wedding a plus-one.
    It's really super duper nice to give all single guests a plus one, but sometimes that isn't feasible.
  • It is 100% necessary to include a significant other of your bridal party at the rehearsal dinner.

    For truly single guests, you don't have to invite them with a plus-one. However, it is highly suggested that you do. This is for a variety of reasons. Some people keep relationships private, so you may be unaware they're dating someone. Some people feel more comfortable attending an event with someone they know. Basically, it's just a courteous thing to do if at all possible.

  • I think you'll find that everyone will tell you that SO invited to the wedding should also be invited to rehearsal dinner.  Chances are they are traveling together as a couple and what are they supposed to do for a few hours that the BM/GM is at dinner?

    As for SO of non-married couples, lots of people will tell you different things about this.  For your bridal party, I think it depends on the relationship.  My sister is not dating anyone and she's a BM and we're not giving her a date.  She knows so many people at the wedding and will be able to sit at a table with people she knows so it's not an issue.  Same goes for one of our ushers (close friend of my FI).  Every wedding we've attended that he's been in, no date.  So we're doing the same.

    As for everyone else, it's a case by case basis.  Most of my friends that are in relationships are in serious relationships and I'm inviting their SO.  For my single friends, they all know someone at the wedding, so I'm not giving them a SO.  I had 1 friend who was "casually dating" a guy for a few months.  Until they became offical on facebook, that's when I figured he's serious enough for an invite.  We have one other who is the only single person out of our circle of friends.  He's a serial dater (new GF every week).  So we're giving him a plus one because I think he'd feel awkward otherwise.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinnerwedding-guest-list-and-significant-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba323608-f190-43ba-bf8c-24085bb4c632Post:e736cce2-8c8a-434f-9d05-29321f454e52">rehearsal dinner/wedding guest list and significant others</a>:
    [QUOTE]Struggling with rehersal dinner, we are at 50 people already which is about 1/3 of our guest list. 
    Posted by jsurmacy[/QUOTE]

    I thought that the only people invited to the rehearsal dinner were those involved in actual parts of the wedding? Are you really at 50 people by just inviting those involved in the wedding itself or does that 50 include significant others?

  • PP all covered the SO part, but you seem concerned that if you invite SOs to the RD it will be 1/3 of the guests....that is ok because it would be rude to not include the SOs just to save some $ or have smaller numbers.  If those truly are your concerns, either make it WP and parents only (no extended family), or don't even do a RD (and subsequently, no rehearsal).  FWIW, we had just over half of our guests present at our RD.  I have a large family and all of them were flying half way across the country....so my FMIL graciously extended the invite even to my aunts and uncles. 

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  • I have 7 bridesmaids and fiance has 7 groomsmen so including us that is 16 right there. They both of our parents and grandparents, an aunt of mine that I am very close with and will do as much for the wedding as my parents, fiances siblings and neices/nephews (who are also part of the wedding). To me that seems pretty immediate!! But it is already 50 and we have not yet included SO. Fiance's mother is paying and does not seem to think SOs need to be invited or even my aunt -- their family is not as close so it may be difficult to understand my family's dynamic. Anyway -- this will probably be an issue and I will just have to deal with it in some way as it gets closer.

    Thanks for the input.
  • Who is currently on your RD guest list that it is at 50 people?  Out of town guests do not have to be included in the RD.  It is optional.  But SOs of the WP do need to be invited, including anyone else who needs to be present at the rehersal, like readers, RB (and the rest of their family), FG (and the rest of their family), and the officiant (if its a clergy person or family friend).
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinnerwedding-guest-list-and-significant-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba323608-f190-43ba-bf8c-24085bb4c632Post:94e8b391-fc6c-479b-911c-63e77f5d274b">Re: rehearsal dinner/wedding guest list and significant others</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have 7 bridesmaids and fiance has 7 groomsmen so including us that is 16 right there. They both of our parents and grandparents, an aunt of mine that I am very close with and will do as much for the wedding as my parents, fiances siblings and neices/nephews (who are also part of the wedding). To me that seems pretty immediate!! But it is already 50 and we have not yet included SO. Fiance's mother is paying and does not seem to think SOs need to be invited or even my aunt -- their family is not as close so it may be difficult to understand my family's dynamic. Anyway -- this will probably be an issue and I will just have to deal with it in some way as it gets closer. Thanks for the input.
    Posted by jsurmacy[/QUOTE]

    14 (bridal party members)
    2 (bride and groom)
    12 (parents and 4 sets of grandparents, assuming all are living)
    2 (Aunt and uncle)
    =30

    That leaves 20 to get to your number of 50. So either FI has TONS of siblings not in your wedding party, or you're being dramatic.

    If I was a bridesmaid in your wedding and you didn't invite my husband along with me to the rehearsal dinner, I would not be attending your rehearsal dinner. End of story.

    Even if FMIL is paying, it's never ok to be rude.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinnerwedding-guest-list-and-significant-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba323608-f190-43ba-bf8c-24085bb4c632Post:94e8b391-fc6c-479b-911c-63e77f5d274b">Re: rehearsal dinner/wedding guest list and significant others</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have 7 bridesmaids and fiance has 7 groomsmen so including us that is 16 right there. They both of our parents and grandparents, an aunt of mine that I am very close with and will do as much for the wedding as my parents, fiances siblings and neices/nephews (who are also part of the wedding). To me that seems pretty immediate!! But it is already 50 and we have not yet included SO. Fiance's mother is paying and does not seem to think SOs need to be invited or even my aunt -- their family is not as close so it may be difficult to understand my family's dynamic. Anyway -- this will probably be an issue and I will just have to deal with it in some way as it gets closer. Thanks for the input.
    Posted by jsurmacy[/QUOTE]

    I get that....we have 6 siblings, all with SOs and 2/3 with kids.  Not extending the invite to my aunts & uncles & cousins, that only would have decreased our number by 6.  I think for our 100 person wedding, we had 55 at the rehearsal dinner.
    People have big families, but it's not ok to be rude to the SOs of your WP.  Perhaps you guys can chip in whatever is over your IL's budget.  Or suggest a cheaper location. 

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  • Yes to inviting all SOs. It's to make your guests feel comfortable so "even if you've never met them before" doesn't factor in.

    I had about 70 people at my wedding and about 40 at our RD. It is what it is. There wasn't dancing and fancy clothes and cake at the RD, so it in no way resembled the actual wedding. Even though my in-laws made sure there was almost as much food!

    We did invite everyone who was single to bring a guest. Only a few took us up on that offer. One was a friend who was in a sort of secret relationship and chose to bring his partner to the wedding, which was great. I seriously wouldn't have known about that relationship when my invitations went out.

    You don't HAVE to give plus ones, but it's nice to give them to 1) your WP members, 2) anyone traveling a long distance, and 3) anyone who will not know anyone else at the wedding.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinnerwedding-guest-list-and-significant-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba323608-f190-43ba-bf8c-24085bb4c632Post:d614fcc1-fd99-41d4-a930-70e334aeb023">Re: rehearsal dinner/wedding guest list and significant others</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: rehearsal dinner/wedding guest list and significant others : 14 (bridal party members) 2 (bride and groom) 12 (parents and 4 sets of grandparents, assuming all are living) 2 (Aunt and uncle) =30 That leaves 20 to get to your number of 50. So either FI has TONS of siblings not in your wedding party, or you're being dramatic. If I was a bridesmaid in your wedding and you didn't invite my husband along with me to the rehearsal dinner, I would not be attending your rehearsal dinner. End of story. Even if FMIL is paying, it's never ok to be rude.
    Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

    <div>For someone who thinks it is not okay to be rude, you certainly are rude. I asked for opinions, not a lecture. And I don't know if you missed this or not but I also said neices and nephews which adds ten, plus a few more -- I can count to 50 just did not think you all needed to hear my life story on who is coming. AND no one in my bridal party is married or engaged -- we are the first to be married. If someone had a husband they would be invited no questions asked, I simply asked for some etiquette advice.</div><div>
    </div><div>Everyone else, thank you so much, this has been extremely helpful. Here's to a super huge RD!!! I am sure it will be fun and I will just pay for a portion if FIL cannot afford everyone. Happy planning :)</div>
  • Ours is going to be ginormous.  Our venue holds 80, and there will be 80 people there.  We have relatives coming from California and Beligum, and my FI's parents believe we need to host them the night before.  It's very generous of them, and it's a nice thing to do for people who have travelled so far and spent so much money to see us get married.  The RD doesn't have to be just the people involved in the rehearsal itself.
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