No Gift Thank You Note - How long to wait?

kathyanddarius

We've been married for about 7 months now, have received some lovely gifts and in turn sent out thank you cards to everyone who sent us a gift.  I would like to send out thank you cards to those people who attended our wedding but didn't get us a gift, but my question is how long do I wait to send them thank you notes?

I really want to thank people for coming and celebrating with us, but I don't want to offend anyone or make them think they should have purchased a gift, when it really wasn't necessary.   Or rush them to purchase something if they were planning a gift for later. 

We haven't received any gifts in about 2 months so I'm feeling like its an ok time to send something, but something tells me I should wait for that 1 year anniversary to send them out.   I never thought it would be so difficult to just say "thank you for celebrating with us!"

So what do you guys think, is it ok to send the thank you notes now?

misshart00

I wouldn't send them at all. I would find it really odd to get a thanks for coming note a year later.

AddieCake

You thanked people for coming by hosting a reception. 

AJuliaNJ

I think it's okay to send the notes now. You sound like a very etiquette-savvy person. Many people wouldn't send thank you notes at all if they didn't receive a gift. If someone hasn't sent a gift by now, 7 months after, I doubt waiting a few extra weeks/months will change that.

MrsMack10612

We chose to send thank you notes to all our guests who attended, gift or no gift.

None of the ones who didn't give a gift ran out and got us one; and we sent them within 2 weeks of the wedding.

GoodLuckBear14

At this point, it's too late.  We also sent out TYs to those who attended but did not give a gift simply because every one of them had to board a plane and then stay in a hotel just to attend.  It was a lot more than just hopping in the car and spending an evening out.

kimberlyr22

As PP have said -- it's too late.

Sending a note now would just look tacky and be in bad taste.  I'd feel weird if I got a "thanks for attending" note from a wedding that I went to over half a year ago.

The only reason for sending a thank you past 3 months is if you actually did get a gift.

We did all of our TY's within the standard 3-month timeframe, including one "thanks for attending, hope you had a good time" to the only couple who didn't bring a gift, granted we held no "grudge" because we didn't expect a gift from them due to financial issues we were aware of.

Simply Fated

FWIW, I would rather recieve a thank you note later than never.

misshart00

In Response to Re:No Gift Thank You Note How long to wait?:[QUOTE]FWIW, I would rather recieve a thank you note later than never. Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Me too. But not for attending. I feel like waiting this long is an even bigger 'hey you didn't get me a gift.'

kathyanddarius

Thank you all for the feedback!  To be honest I really wanted to send out these notes about 4-5 months ago, but we have a lot of friends who don’t have a good concept of time.  We literally received about 20-25% of our wedding gifts just before Christmas (we got married in June) so that’s why I was waiting, because I didn’t want it to be a gift grab.  Also there are some people on the "no gift"  list who have told us repeatedly they are planning to get us a gift (like our best man and bridesmaid) or others who think it’s a great idea to give people gifts at the 1 year anniversary mark.  While others I'm not really sure their stance.

For me I like to give the gift and be done with it!  So I’m struggling with this concept of waiting to give couples gifts until their 1 year anniversary.  While at the same time some of these people were pretty important in the wedding and I’d like to thank them whether they are giving us a gift or not, like the people who were in the wedding party.

misshart00

In Response to Re:No Gift Thank You Note How long to wait?:[QUOTE]Thank you all for the feedback!nbsp; To be honest I really wanted to send out these notes about 45 months ago, but we have a lot of friends who donrsquo;t have a good concept of time. nbsp;We literally received about 2025 of our wedding gifts just before Christmas we got married in June so thatrsquo;s why I was waiting, because I didnrsquo;t want it to be a gift grab. nbsp;Also there are some people on the "no gift"nbsp; list who have told us repeatedly they are planning to get us a gift like our best man and bridesmaid or others who think itrsquo;s a great idea to give people gifts at the 1 year anniversary mark.nbsp; While others I'm not really sure their stance. For me I like to give the gift and be done with it!nbsp; So Irsquo;m struggling with this concept of waiting to give couples gifts until their 1 year anniversary.nbsp; While at the same time some of these people were pretty important in the wedding and Irsquo;d like to thank them whether they are giving us a gift or not, like the people who were in the wedding party. Posted by kathyanddarius[/QUOTE]

Did you get them a gift and write a note for them being in your wedding party? You should do that regardless of what gift they got you.

TerriHugg

Once again, I know I'm in the minority in this one but I don't think it is ever in bad taste to send a thank you card. 

No, it's not necessary to send one to those who didn't give gift, but some people really do appreciate the gesture. 

But I'm also the type of person, who likes to send handwritten notes to people randomly just for being and staying in my life. In fact, I plan on sending cards to those people who couldn't attend my wedding but still showed their support in some way whether it be a phone call, email, etc. I want them to know that I am thinking of them and they're being is truly appreciated. 

Not every aspect about the wedding is about getting a gift. Some people just really like to give thanks. Now if you think your guests will find it tacky than don't send one. But if you think they will be appreciative then go ahead and send it now. 

But like I said, I'm weird and I know it. I just know that regardless of what I've done or haven't done with person, it's always a pleasant surprise to find something happy mixed in with the bills, loans etc. I like to know that I am thought of and your wedding guests might feel that way too. So if you truly want to send cards to those who didn't give a gift and don't think they will feel miffed go ahead. 

And congrats on marriage!

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-gift-thank-you-note-how-long-to-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba4fdd76-33ec-4e64-9a07-ef86a753ac47Post:2f23143b-ec65-49db-bef2-66bf87a6efee">Re: No Gift Thank You Note - How long to wait?</a>:
[QUOTE] While at the same time some of these people were pretty important in the wedding and I’d like to thank them whether they are giving us a gift or not, like the people who were in the wedding party.
Posted by kathyanddarius[/QUOTE]

<div>You should have thanked and given WP members a gift at the time of the wedding. </div>

kathyanddarius

@ TerriHugg - I still send people birthday cards with hand written notes in them so that's probably part of my dilemma I just like sending people notes that brighten their day!

misshart00 - We did get gifts and write notes before the wedding, so I guess you are correct they have already been thanked.  I didn't think of it that way.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-gift-thank-you-note-how-long-to-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba4fdd76-33ec-4e64-9a07-ef86a753ac47Post:a8cba814-b356-4737-ad16-93c0ee62bfee">Re:No Gift Thank You Note How long to wait?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:No Gift Thank You Note How long to wait?: Me too. But not for attending. I feel like waiting this long is an even bigger 'hey you didn't get me a gift.'
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]
That's true.

Peledreamsofrain

Yeah, unfortunately sending ty notes for just attending can easily come accross as "hey, remember we got married? Gifts please" If it's really eating you, write them up to get the emotions out, and tuck them away with your wedding keepsakes instead of sending them out. Include specific memories of them on that night, what you loved, etc. What a wonderful stroll down memory lane they would make latet in life.