Friend Slip Up-WWYD?

amalama

I am going to try to explain this with as little backstory as possible. Basically, I have a friend (J), who hates a girl (we'll call her A) that a few of our other friends are now friends with. She has very valid reasons, the girl is just a really bad person, our other friends used to agree, now suddenly a couple of them just love her.

A few weeks ago we all went out, and then a few people came back to my house. J had left and went somewhere else, we were supposed to call her later to let her know where we were. Other friends randomly invited A (without telling me until she showed up) then proceeded to talk some crap about J and how no one could tell her that they invited A because J would throw a fit. I went to bed within 5 minutes of this all because it just made me very uncomfortable. No one ever called J to come over (which was no big deal because she was with some other friends).

I hung out with J tonight, and in the conversation accidently said something about seeing A. She knows I'm not friends with her, so she asked me about it. I wasn't going to lie, so I told her. She is a little upset that she feels like these girls are lying to her (I did not tell her about the trash talking, just that they invited this girl over on a night when we were hanging out with her).

She handled it pretty well but her feelings are hurt, I'm not sure if she is going to say anything to these girls. Should I warn these girls that she is upset or just stay out of it?

Sorry I know some of this is vague, just trying to keep it brief.

Koopa17

I think I'd try to stay out of it.  If J is willing to alienate her other friends that want to be friends with A, this kind of crap is going to happen.  It sucks, but it's kind of how it goes when you can't suck it up enough to get along in crowds, you know?

amalama

Yeah now that I even re-read what I wrote, this sounds like ridiculous drama that I don't want to be in the middle of. I feel bad that I told her something they were trying to hide, but I'm not going to lie to my friend over this crap. And honestly no one should be.

Koopa17

Yeah, you shouldn't have to lie to any of your friends because of it, that's not fair for you.  I'd just go on like you're doing, don't lie to anyone and try to keep yourself out of the middle.  Sorry you're stuck in this situation, hope it gets better!

riverjib

I'm glad you didn't tell her. If you got caught up in this junior-high drama, I'd wonder what you were doing getting married. Your friends need to grow up. You need new friends. Keep the old ones, but seek out a more mature crowd.

This isn't worth another thought. Get through your wedding, and make sure you keep out of this silly drama, period.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-slip-up-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba51eae8-ffc2-497c-847b-b1083b77f7f2Post:f26e733c-0fd5-4ee1-927f-3bdadf00f043">Re: Friend Slip Up-WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm glad you didn't tell her. <strong>If you got caught up in this junior-high drama, I'd wonder what you were doing getting married. </strong>Your friends need to grow up. You need new friends. Keep the old ones, but seek out a more mature crowd. This isn't worth another thought. Get through your wedding, and make sure you keep out of this silly drama, period.
Posted by riverjib[/QUOTE]

Was this your attempt at a burn?  I find it quite funny coming from someone who just posted about not wanting to invite a friend because you weren't invited to her wedding. 

Pot, meet kettle.

ericksb

DRAMA! Yuck. Back away. I hate drama. Ugh. 

katiewhompus

Get away from the drama Ama.
 It's hard when you can't be around someone and yet you have mutual friends. In college my roommate (turned ex roommate) and I got into a fight which resulted in her smashing a frying pan over our other roomates (my bf at the time) head. Safe to say I wanted to be no where in the room with her because I may have killed her after that and we had gotten a restraining order to boot(she moved out immediately). Our friends would still invite us over to try to get us to make-up. Honestly, I just stayed friends with the ones who no longer spoke with her either or hung out with everyone else one on one. Once I realized that the friends who were still ok with her thought assault with a deadly weapon which resulted in stapling a persons skull together was acceptable behavior, it made it easier to drop them.

Nebb

I think that realy sucks for one that your friends put you in a situation like that, do you dislike A as well - could you specify in future NOT to do that again?

brookelynpaisley

I'd stay out of it. I'm assuming you're talking about adults here, so they can handle it themselves. Putting yourself in it only literally does that - inserts you in a situation that's out of your control.

Nebb

Im glad you took a stand about how uncool of them that was, and im glad they reacted well to it. I think its pretty sucky that they just sat and trash talked their friend though.

amalama

Oh me too Nebb, and they know how I feel about that too. Honestly, I think some of it started out as good natured teasing (things that we would all tease this girl openly about) but I just felt like it was taken to a whole other level because it was not done openly, and it was done with another girl who openly hates her too. But I have mentioned to them that it bothered me.