Wedding "Etiquette"

goodtobeking

Can you do a drink package that is priced based on consumption? That way since you don't have a lot of drinkers you only pay for drinks poured and not a package per person that no one uses the alcohol part. A cash bar is really poor form.

pokepoke27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:d78d8f8d-006f-4e9f-ad79-7f365e6421cc">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]Am I the only one currently dying over the fact that the two posters with the worst advice in the thread both have "perfect" in their screennames?
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

<div>Not now that you've pointed it out. HA - I didn't notice</div>

DelBride2012

Did a little poking around, looks like the Cininnati area has a number of BYOB places. Seems like you could move the reception to a restaurant, bring in your own two buck chuck, feed everyone properly and still be within your budget, even if there's a $5k gown we don't know about. 

frantastic12

A case of wine at Trader Joe's is $50.  If you are having 75 ppl and a number of them don't drink, why can't you do one case of wine? 

As PPs have said, what happened to the rest of your budget? I'm also in Ohio, and we have a much larger guest list and budget, but am spending less per guest than you are....and we are having a plated dinner and an open full bar. 

Sometimes it's necessary to make some sacrifices on your part in order to host your guests.  There were a number of locations that were prettier, had more amenities, etc., but we sacrificed that for a venue where we could bring alcohol and afford an open bar. 

makenna1210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:79fbf60b-e4f5-4e95-b2a0-b49237b49ba9">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all - you should put XP (cross post) in the title when you post on multiple boards. I answered you on the budget board.  I will go ahead and say that you shouldn't really be posting to an ETIQUETTE board asking for validation on ideas that are RUDE.
Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]



First of all, there's really no need to be caddy.

Secondly, it was an etiquette question so I'm not sure why youre in disagreement but i guess it's your perogative to disagree but last I checked you weren't the mediator of this board.

makenna1210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:d54ca7cc-5bc7-4488-b2e9-6830be841ace">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, but I'm going to question where $7000 went. If it's informal, outdoors, and doesn't include tuxes or dinner, then it should be an inexpensive affair. If the budget is mostly in the dress and decorations, then I would think you didn't budget well and people won't spend much time there which would make the decorations unnecessary. If it's on something else, then, I guess that's up to you.
Posted by msuprincess04[/QUOTE]



A large chunk of the budget (over half) is to pay for the venue and the food. The rest is going to DJ, cake, and photographer. My dress is only $400 and is being custom made by a friend and the decorations I'm making all myself. We really loved this venue but unfortunately we are limited to one caterer and can't provide our own alcohol.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:433419bb-ce13-47de-965f-6fc20a556354">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding "Etiquette" : First of all, there's really no need to be caddy. Secondly, it was an etiquette question so I'm not sure why youre in disagreement but i guess it's your perogative to disagree but last I checked you weren't the mediator of this board.
Posted by makenna1210[/QUOTE]

<div>Caddy is what you use to carry golf clubs.  If you are going to try snarky, try to at least use the right word.  </div><div>
</div><div>Etiquette is not a matter of opinion.  It is a matter of fact.  One does not need to be a moderator to know correct etiquette or to correct false information.  </div>

monkeysip

It sounds like you didn't get a very budget-friendly venue, OP.

And sorry, but CATTY= mean, rude, etc.

CADDY= 

makenna1210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:e2948283-8f3e-4d53-ba71-4ee8172e813a">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding "Etiquette" : I agree with everything Maggie said here.   If your guests really don't drink that much, consider hosting a consumption bar, where the venue charges you by the drink for what is actually consumed, not a per person charge for unlimited.  With a lot of non-drinkers that will almost definitely be cheaper than a straight up open bar.  You should also be able to put a limit on the consumption bar and they can notify you (or your H) if/when they get close to the limit you gave them and at that point you can decide if you want to extend the limit, or close the bar for the rest of the night depending on what time it is and your feelings on the matter at the time.  
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]



This is really great advice, I will have to ask my coordinator if they have this option! I'm still learning a lot so it's amazing what you can find out n here. Thanks so much!

ggirl2001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:e76782ab-ea7e-4a94-9e08-b181a1407344">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding "Etiquette" : A large chunk of the budget (over half) is to pay for the venue and the food. The rest is going to DJ, cake, and photographer. My dress is only $400 and is being custom made by a friend and the decorations I'm making all myself. We really loved this venue but unfortunately we are limited to one caterer and can't provide our own alcohol.
Posted by makenna1210[/QUOTE]
Well, your plan doesn't work. Unless you're providing super heavy apps that can basically substitute a meal, you are going to have people leaving early to get dinner. You need to find a different venue or  find acheaper cake/photographer/dj to increase your food budget at least. You can have a dry wedding. 

makenna1210

To all of the snarky comments, it's really not necessary especially when I'm simply asking for advice from some other brides. If you don't have the generally kindness and consideration to treat a person with respect, then leave your comments to yourself.

goobersinlove

OP,

The posters that are trying to steer you away from a cash bar are trying to help you not commit a faux pas.  They aren't going to be attending your wedding, so they certainly don't care what you do or serve - their only goal is to give you a heads up that your idea has a high possibility of people at worst being offended or at the least side-eyeing you.  Another thing to remember is that this board did not make up these etiquette rules - they were there long before us. But when you come to an ETIQUETTE board, expect there to be some etiquette police, know what I mean?

Let me tell you about an experience I had at a cash bar wedding a few years ago.  I went up to the bar and ordered my cocktail.  The bartender handed my drink to me and then said "$6.00 please." I had to give my drink back. I don't carry cash with me normally, let alone when I go to a wedding! I did not expect to need to BUY something at a wedding... which leads me to why cash bars are rude:

Cash bars are considered to be poor etiquette because your guests should not have to pay for anything at your wedding, or even have the opportunity to pay for something at your wedding.  I believe it was NOLAbridealmost who came up with a great analogy: You wouldn't offer all of your guests chicken, but have lobster available is some of them wanted to pay more to get it. Would you? I hope not. The same theory applies to cash bars.

That being said, this doesn't mean that you are obligated to have a full open bar.  There are lots of budget friendly options - you can host beer and wine only, beer+wine+signature cocktail, or a dry bar with no alcohol. In those cases, what is hosted is what is available and what is not hosted is not available.  It's MUCH better for a bartender to say to a guest "I'm sorry but we don't have that. Might I suggest XYZ?" than to say "That'll be six bucks."  Does that make sense?

Okay, I'm done explaining the bar - now on to your food.  It is PERFECTLY fine to only host an hors d' oeurves receptions.  HOWEVER, you need to do this at a time when guests would not be expecting a meal.  If you want to keep your Friday night date, move your cermony back to 7:30 at the earliest.  Some other budget-friendly food options are to have a breakfast, brunch or lunch wedding on a Saturday or Sunday (would also give you an easy way around the alcohol issue since most people don't drink that early in the day).

Good luck! I hope you change your mind about the cash bar.

makenna1210

For those that are confused by my budget, $7000 is the cap for the entire shindig. This includes fiance's attire, decorations, dress, food, rental of venue, dj, photography, etc etc etc. our rental charges for the venue alone were $1500 plus another $35/ head for food. Bottom line, thanks to everyone for the advice. I think we will probably nix the bar and do a champagne toast or try to offer based on consumption. As I stated in my PP, we are forced to use one caterer and aren't allowed to provide our own alcohol. it's the sacrifice we made for this venue because we are so in love with it. Not sure what we will do about the food, probably pick a menu that's very heavy or shift our budget to provide a meal instead. Thanks again

frantastic12

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:e76782ab-ea7e-4a94-9e08-b181a1407344">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding "Etiquette" : We really loved this venue but unfortunately we are limited to one caterer and can't provide our own alcohol.
Posted by makenna1210[/QUOTE]

Then find another venue.  You're picking a venue that you love, but can't afford the bar package and have to do a cash bar.  So your guests are footing the bill so you could have your "perfect" venue.  Pretty selfish. 

Sorry, but the fact that you're on a budget, or paying for it yourself, doesn't make you special or give you a free pass to be rude.  There are many people here that are in the same situation.

I will never ever understand these "we're having a cash bar because we can't afford the bar package" posts.  WHY was that not a factor when you were looking for a venue?  Your date is over a year away.  You have plenty of time to either cut costs elsewhere or find another venue.

ETA:  I don't see how you're the one sacrificing.  In your current situation, it's your guests who are paying.  Sacrificing would be selecting a more affordable venue that isn't your top pick. You keep stressing that you're on a budget, but it certainly doesn't sound like you selected your venue as if you are on a budget.

DelBride2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:e76782ab-ea7e-4a94-9e08-b181a1407344">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding "Etiquette" : A large chunk of the budget (over half) is to pay for the venue and the food. The rest is going to DJ, cake, and photographer. My dress is only $400 and is being custom made by a friend and the decorations I'm making all myself. We really loved this venue but unfortunately we are limited to one caterer and can't provide our own alcohol.
Posted by makenna1210[/QUOTE]
You are criminally over-paying for your venue then. What's the cancellation fee? 

freebread03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:46da1a89-8a6a-46dc-9218-f153f27a6531">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is a pretty formal event in Maine with a cash bar. The majority of weddings I have been to have been cash bars. Regional thing maybe. I do not consider it rude.
Posted by jmconley08[/QUOTE]
 <div>A formal event with a cash bar is certainly not something I'd expect, and I would, as a guest, consider it rude.  Just because other people do it doesn't mean it doesn't violate etiquette.  Your guests (and the OP's) should be properly hosted (though it's not a must to serve alcohol at all).</div>

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:c0136e15-1cb6-4b55-a00a-a40483f03b91">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]For those that are confused by my budget, $7000 is the cap for the entire shindig. This includes fiance's attire, decorations, dress, food, rental of venue, dj, photography, etc etc etc. our rental charges for the venue alone were $1500 plus another $35/ head for food. Bottom line, thanks to everyone for the advice. I think we will probably nix the bar and do a champagne toast or try to offer based on consumption. As I stated in my PP, we are forced to use one caterer and aren't allowed to provide our own alcohol. it's the sacrifice we made for this venue because we are so in love with it. Not sure what we will do about the food, probably pick a menu that's very heavy or shift our budget to provide a meal instead. Thanks again
Posted by makenna1210[/QUOTE]

$1500.00 and $35.00 a head for an appetizer only, no liquor reception on a Friday night in Ohio rental cost seems ridiculously high.  I realize this is your "dream" venue, but maybe you should reconsider... pick another venue where you can afford to properly host your guests... and get all dressed up the following day and go take some photos outdoors at that venue.

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:e76782ab-ea7e-4a94-9e08-b181a1407344">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding "Etiquette" : A large chunk of the budget (over half) is to pay for the venue and the food. The rest is going to DJ, cake, and photographer. My dress is only $400 and is being custom made by a friend and the decorations I'm making all myself. We really loved this venue but unfortunately we are limited to one caterer and can't provide our own alcohol.
Posted by makenna1210[/QUOTE]

Doesn't the Cincinnati area have Receptions? Several locations? I used to work in the area, and a coworker was married at one and they paid something ridiculous like $12-$15 pp for a full bufet AND open bar all night. I could be wrong, but that would be pennies for your budget. Why not find a venue that will give you more options when it comes to catering.

freebread03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:433419bb-ce13-47de-965f-6fc20a556354">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding "Etiquette" : First of all, there's really no need to be caddy. Secondly, it was an etiquette question so I'm not sure why youre in disagreement but i guess it's your perogative to disagree but last I checked you weren't the mediator of this board.
Posted by makenna1210[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't think she's being "caddy" or being a "caddy".  Last time I checked, a caddy is a small container used for storing things.  I'm pretty sure she was disagreeing with the very bad advice being given by a few posters.</div><div>
</div><div>Edit: Or to carry golf clubs.  The caddie carries your clubs in a caddie.  Just sayin.</div>

chrmun

I do not judge OP.  She's just asking.  (Granted, I think she wishes she was getting different answers, but sadly that is not the case.)

I do, however, judge Perfect_lee.  This is the etiquette board.  Please do not advise people to be rude.  If you don't know what the proper etiquette is, please don't give advice.  If you DO know what the proper etiquette is, but are going to encourage people to ignore it, please don't give advice.  Again, etiquette is not law.  It is merely a set of suggestions.  that having been said, they are a very clear set of suggestions and, if someone comes here looking for them, that is what they will find.

If your only goal is to blow sunshine up someone's pooper, you may find that weddingbee is a better fit for you.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:e6bae6f4-cab3-4aca-9deb-17bc18acde41">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE] If you don't have the generally kindness and consideration to treat a person with respect, then leave your comments to yourself.
Posted by makenna1210[/QUOTE]
last I checked you weren't the mediator of this board.

mkrupar

Gah I love that pic Jill!

makenna1210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:f6ab0643-5c27-499d-84dc-e0df2f1f3acb">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding "Etiquette" : I don't think she's being "caddy" or being a "caddy".  Last time I checked, a caddy is a small container used for storing things.  I'm pretty sure she was disagreeing with the very bad advice being given by a few posters. Edit: Or to carry golf clubs.  The caddie carries your clubs in a caddie.  Just sayin.
Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]



Why is everyone so concerned with my misuse of "caddy" geez itwas a mistake, sorry imnot perfect. I posted on here to get advice. Seriuously ladies why so snarky!?

SVPW

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:e55feec4-16f8-4f0a-b205-dffb311d70e1">Re: Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding "Etiquette" : You're really good at blowing sunshine up people's asses.  Well done!
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

and you are really great at being completely bitchy and acting better than other people. kudos to you!

SVPW

Every wedding that I have been to in the past three years has been a cash bar because the couples were working with small budgets. I didn't mind at all paying for my own drinks. To each their own. I don't think it is for anyone on this board to say what is right for someone to do or not to do based on their etiquette beliefs. Things aren't always so black and white people.

afink07

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bab03a79-0316-4419-8ee8-fa1da8259370Post:023a2172-9843-4ddd-a683-bf62e9c10304">Wedding "Etiquette"</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, <strong>so recently I've gotten into some heated arguments with other brides or M.O.B.'s on this site involving proper wedding etiquette</strong>. I'm curious now to see what other brides have to say about my own wedding since it's not what one would consider "traditional" and<strong> I'm supposedly breaking some "rules" for hosting my guests</strong>. First, we are having a low budget, DIY, small guest list wedding. I have two children from my previous wedding and my fiance and I have been informed by our parents that they are unable to assist us in financing our wedding. We are also attempting to save for our first house as I currently live with my parents still and my fiance rents. With that being said, our wedding budget is $7,000 and we're attempting to scrape by with less. We are getting married and having the reception at the same location. Informal, outdoor wedding, around 75 guests, no tuxes, my wedding dress is tea length... you get the picture. My question is, is it "wrong" or "rude" or "inappropriate" for me to only have hors d'oeuvres and a cash bar to save on the cost of the catering menu? I'm having the wedding at 6:30 pm in an attempt to give people a chance to eat dinner before the wedding and because it is on a Friday night. I've gotten ridicule already from other Knotties on here for having a cash bar, but the majority of our family doesn't drink and we're only inviting a few friends. We're paying for soda and tea etc, but alcohol will have to be on them.<strong> I want your opinions please to know that I'm not totally crazy, rude, inconsiderate for setting my reception up this way. THANKS!</strong>
Posted by makenna1210[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Ok, so i've been lurking on these boards for awhile now and this question has been asked many times. You know what you're asking is wrong since you've been told that many times before. Also, you did ask for opinions. This board does not sugarcoat things. If you want ettiquette advice then that is what you're going to get. The women on this board will not validate your bad ideas (unless they happen to be part of the group who want to be incredibly rude by having dollar dances and cash bars). </div>

Ashes_3

You really need to change your venue, my sister has been married twice in Cincinnati both very nice full dinner, full bar receptions . Her first was 125 people, and 2nd 30 people, both added together equal less than your budget.

kmwaltem

Here is my personal feelings on this and I will not be coming back to see what people have to say about it so don't bother.....

1)  I think that you do need to make sure there is plenty of food for a 6:30 wedding on a Friday night.... seriously,  if I went to a 6:30 wedding with light apps, I would leave after the ceremony and go eat dinner at a restaurant

2)  I would rather see a cash bar at a wedding than no bar at all ( I at least want the option of a glass of wine even if i have to pay for it)... that being said... if you can even just put out some wine and/or beer that's better than a cash bar

krizzo17

Ok, I just posted this same comment on the xp of this on budget weddings, but I feel like it needs to be said:

Why do so many people think that because "no one complained" or "no one said anything" it means they were happy with it? Etiquette doesn't just give a set of rules for the host, it dictates how guests should act as well. Two of those rules are, as a host, don't ask your guests to pay for anything you can't provide, and as a guest, don't complain to your host or point out her bad etiquette.

midgetthemighty

So I agree with all of the sane people in this thread, but I have something else to add since you're from my area. If you're close to KY, look into Sis's Catering. They're really nice and very affordable for wedding dinners.