Still waiting on responses with 11 days left.... HELP!

skillen1123

Ok so 19 people on my FI's side still have yet to respond and we are on week 3 of fighting with his mom to ether call them or give us numbers so we can call.  She refuses to let us call them to check on thier status saying that these people are from her family and since she doesn't like them "they don't deserve a phone call"  BUT as I try and keep telling her, they may not deserve anything (my FI and I have never met these people, so we don't even know who they are) but since my family is paying for the WHOLE wedding I feel like my parents at least need to know if they are going to show up on our wedding day and not have anywhere to sit and my parents will then have to come up with the cash to pay the "per head".  She has been absolutley crazy this whole process and now she won't even let us have the family's address/phone book to call them ourselves.
My FI keeps getting the cold shoulder from her and now she won't speak to either one of us.  I've told him that he needs to take care of this, but she won't even respond when he speaks to her.  I am not going to get mad at him or fight with him because she's crazy!!!
Did we push too far by asking her to call, i thought this is normal!!! my mom called those on our side who did not respond, and it was no problem... I'm so confused and we have 11 days to figure out if we need to add more tables, centerpieces, placecards and of course more money to our reception site!! Please share advice, the woman is out of control... iIcan't help but laugh at her childish acts but my parents deserve to know how much more they will have to put out on the day of the wedding. Right??? am I over reacting? what's the deal??

betrothed123

There's this wonderful invention called the phone book.  You should try it.  In fact, you can find it online at whitepages.com.

FutureMrsTR

check out www.whitepages.com or a phone book and call these people. 

I would ignore FMIL because she's not paying and yes, you absolutely need to know who's coming because you wouldn't want them just showing up and not having food or a seat.

Also, take a couple deep breaths.

danieliza1127

WTF?  Your FMIL is being crazy.  Since your parents are paying, can one of them call her and try to reason with her?  If she didn't like these family members and your FI doesn't even know them, why were they invited in the first place?

FutureMrsTR

You and me, betrothed...same page.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Ditto Betrothed. Since she's being so childish, just look them up and call behind her back.

banana468

Can you contact other family members who have their #s?

MIL hasn't once entertained the idea that the USPS is imperfect?  We had a few invitations lost in the mail.  Sheesh give them the benefit of the doubt!

Night_Sprite

anywho.com is also good.

ros3392

There is also this wonderful thing called many people are not listed in the phone book- and now with the wide spread use of cell phones, many people do not even have landlines anymore.

Anyway, I would try to get in touch with other family members who might have their numbers if they are not listed in the phone book. Good luck!

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-waiting-responses-11-days-left?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bae21d6a-b59f-4488-a811-2431f036be9bPost:dedf78fd-f7db-465b-81a4-d82d60a9c3fe">Re: Still waiting on responses with 11 days left.... HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]There is also this wonderful thing called many people are not listed in the phone book- and now with the wide spread use of cell phones, many people do not even have landlines anymore. Anyway, I would try to get in touch with other family members who might have their numbers if they are not listed in the phone book. Good luck!
Posted by ros3392[/QUOTE]
But how do you know if you don't try?  OP didn't say "FMIL won't give me the numbers and they aren't listed in the phone book."  She said "FMIL won't call, and won't give me the numbers."  OP wasn't even going to call initially; she expected FMIL to do it.  I'd be willing to bet $100 she never even opene the phone book to check.

ros3392

And that is exacly why I said "If they are not listed in the phone book, contact other family members..." I also think you should take a look at the quote below your picture, I thought your first post was a little rude.

betrothed123

Oh you're so cute....

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-waiting-responses-11-days-left?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bae21d6a-b59f-4488-a811-2431f036be9bPost:a1224281-aedd-412b-aaff-638965b5058a">Re: Still waiting on responses with 11 days left.... HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well ok so I see some of you are just in need of every detail... 1. I have 11 days left, and since payment is due to our recpetion site on Saturday (4 days from now) I would hope that my FMIL would help instead of cause more stress! - I work 1 full time job and 1 part time job, my FI works in the HVAC world which means you are on call all day all night when you own your own company...I have about 25-30 other things on my Wedding to-do list and the point was I really don't need to add anything else.  On top of trying to go to the gym and cook a decent dinner to try to eat right.  2. Yes I have checked the phone book, yellow pages, white pages, called information 411 and thank you for you suggestion I did find 2, one which I have called and was told it was the wrong number and left a vm for the other and have not heard back.....so i'm still at square 1 The others are not listed and since I don't know who these people are I don't know if they are not listed or have the phone bill in their wife's name.  Betrothed - So next time you want to start betting $100 you better make sure you're going to win... I didn't suggest that she do it, if wanna make me out to look like a spoiled brat that's fine... I gave her two options, if she felt more comfortable calling her family since my FI and I have never met these people!! We also had 6 responses lost in the mail that have either finally showed up or when my mom called they had said they sent them... The 4 x 4 response card is pretty easy to loose in the USPS, so we're trying to be as fair as possible. - obviously your not. Thanks you to those who were actually helpful.  So glad TheKnot is where your supposed to come for help and advice
Posted by skillen1123[/QUOTE]

Calm down. Yes, you're busy, we get it. No other family members happen to know anyones phone number?

ButtonsPepper

Dear FMIL, I understand you are not partial to the guests who have yet to RSVP. My parents however, are concerned that they will show up, and we will not have tables/food to accomidate them. This will not only be a hassle on my parents financially, but on the venue as well, and FI and myself. For price point alone, my parents need to know a final number that is coming, and with these 19 people in limbo,  it could cost an extra (people x cost PP), and they need to know prior to the wedding day. If you don't want to call them yourself, FI, myself, or my parents would be happy to contact them so we can finalize this information. Thanks a ton, FDIL

nda_roxybabe

Also, why did you invite these people if you and your FI have never met them AND your fmil doesn't like them?

cbvcru67

This may not be an option for you, but can you just call his grandmother and ask her for the numbers?  I know my mom's mom has everyone in the family's phone number and address written down in a book next to the phone.  My dad's mother was the same way.  It may be worth a shot in your case.  Obviously his mother isn't going to go out of her way for you. 

If that won't work, isnt't there a way that you can do a reverse look-up online for a phone number connected to an address?  I'm guessing most of the rsvps not in yet are probably related to your future MIL, so at that age, they probably still have land lines.

OR, as a last-ditch effort, have your FI call his mother and just say flat out that x number of people from her side have not RSVP'd.  Have him say that it's going to cost you X amount of money if they don't show, because if you don't hear from them, they have to be included in the count. Putting a dollar amount on it could make it seem much more important to her.

Now, if it were my own mother, I would take it a step further and say, if these are your guests, and you aren't providing a needed phone number, I am going to consider that money your expense and expect to be reimbursed.    Yes, that's terrible ettiquette.  And no, I would never actually expect my parents to pay that money.  But my mom is crazy.  And sometimes you have to fight crazy with crazy.  Of course, at that point, I would have already tried dealing with my father, grandparents, aunts, cousins and what not.