Speaking of friends...

RobotLegs

What do you think makes a good friend?  What qualities do you love about your best friends?

I'm wondering because... well, I'm a pretty awful friend.  I'm working on it.

ETA:  And on the flipside, what are the things that make you not want to be friends with someone anymore?  Dealbreakers?

mandysmear

-they listen
-they don't always make things about them
-they know when to hug you and they know when to tell you you're being stupid
-when you get mad at them for telling you you're being stupid and you get all pissy and shut them out?  yeah they don't hold that against you for more than an hour
-they make you laff.  lots.
-they often are thinking what you're thinking
-they fly across the country (or internationally) to come summer with you
-they try everything to get out of FARGO in the middle of a snow storm to get to you
-they put you up in their house for a week and take you places
-they laff at your jokes (this is very important... i'm nothing without my jokes and humour )

Moneypenny424

I look for reliability, loyalty, sticking around in good and bad times and someone who genuinely cares about things in my life.  Someone who listens, who is funny.

I want someone who is easy to talk to and shares a lot of my interests who I can go out for a glass of wine with or sit at home with when times are tough.

That's sort of what I try to be in my friendships. 

mandysmear

-oh and they take you to marble town, aliens, the golf course, and bring you coffee in the morning.  they also buy you lunch at the golf course.

RobotLegs

Also feel free to point out my inadequacies  as you've noticed them on the board.  lol

Moneypenny424

And they tell me what I need to hear, not just what I want to hear.

And they laugh at me when I'm being ridiculous.

mandysmear

or what money penny said.

crfische

I have the most awesome friends. I love them like crazy pants. I always try to be the kind of friend I would want in someone else.

They must make me laugh.

Take the time to remember special days/holidays

Send me edible arrangements when they know I'm having a hard week

Listen and talk.

Just GET me. Let me BE me. Tell me when I'm being ridiculous, but in a way where I know they are saying it because they care.

Make time for girl time.

Understand when things come up.

Don't make me feel guilty if I can't come to something they have invited me to, or really...ever.

Text sometimes just to say hi.

Don't get mad if I don't want to talk on the phone.

Will always do the right thing in a tough situation without being asked, but just because they know it's the right thing to do.

LIVE. Like to do things and be out and about.

Did I mention laugh? God, I love to laugh.

[Deleted User]

-good listener
-there for you to vent and offer suggestions, advice
-loyal
-someone who is always willing to give you a hand

hlq2011

I don't have a lot of friends, but my closest friends... we can go for months (in some cases, well over a year) without talking, and then catch up and talk for hours.  We understand each other; we know each other.  These are pretty crappy, canned answers, huh?

It's really funny you ask this, because when FI and I did the FACET test for pre-cana, one of the questions was almost word for word your first question... and I struggled with answering it.  I don't KNOW what I look for in a friend, or even necessarily why I'm friends with the people I'm friends with.  I think it's different for each of them, actually.

I don't know if I've had a friendship outright END, rather than just drifting apart over time, so I can't tell what a dealbreaker would be.  I guess the basic stuff - stealing from me, stabbing me in the back.  But I've stayed friends with people even though I don't agree with their decisions or how they've chosen to live their lives.

Moneypenny424

When I am constantly reaching out to another person and they are not returning the interest.  Like, if I never talk to you unless I'm the one calling/emailing, that's a problem.

When friends are clearly just "going out friends" and don't have a real interest in my life.

xyrius

um.. wow, everything mandy said.

and someone who is available, you know ?  for a phone call, meet-up, etc.  and who reciprocates - they call you as much as you call them

a deal-breaker: 

I've lost a few friends who thought that (6 years ago) my FI wasn't the right guy for me and I made a bad choice.  obviously I think they were wrong.

mandysmear

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_speaking-of-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bb02622b-59d4-40fa-a349-5950018e2369Post:2c17f17d-67d2-4639-98ac-00238738e4ab">Re: Speaking of friends...</a>:
[QUOTE]I have the most awesome friends. I love them like crazy pants. I always try to be the kind of friend I would want in someone else. They must make me laugh. Take the time to remember special days/holidays Send me edible arrangements when they know I'm having a hard week Listen and talk. Just GET me. Let me BE me. <strong>Tell me when I'm being ridiculous</strong>, but in a way where I know they are saying it because they care. Make time for girl time. Understand when things come up. Don't make me feel guilty if I can't come to something they have invited me to, or really...ever. Text sometimes just to say hi. Don't get mad if I don't want to talk on the phone. Will always do the right thing in a tough situation without being asked, but just because they know it's the right thing to do. LIVE. Like to do things and be out and about. Did I mention laugh? God, I love to laugh.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

dude, you've never been ridiculous.  it's like your super power. 

crfische

Oh yeah, can disagree about things and not hold it against each other. Like..it's ok if we don't like the same things. I still like you.

I like good people. I have the best people. ♥

crfische

I CAN BE RIDICULOUS. Swear.

mandysmear

LIKE BIEBER? 


you've yet to be ridiculous to me/in my presence. 

RobotLegs

I think what I'm figuring out so far is that I don't have a genuine enough interest in other people's lives.  I want to, I just... maybe I just don't know how to express to my friends that I'm interested?  I definitely don't think it comes across.

mandysmear

dealbreakers: flakes!  ugh.  i hate that. 

kcscejal

-listen
-be supportive in good times and in bad
-have fun and laugh together
-be able to disagree respectfully
-make time for each other
-play at the park:

FutureMrsFezz

What Fishy said.

crfische

UGH! I HATE FLAKES, TOO, MANDY.

Keeks, aren't there people in your life that you just LOVE to see happy? That you'd do whatever you could to get them to smile or laugh or just know how much you love them?

xyrius

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_speaking-of-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bb02622b-59d4-40fa-a349-5950018e2369Post:ffb1c845-e90e-4c73-91dc-dcd582bf4d4e">Re: Speaking of friends...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think what I'm figuring out so far is that I don't have a genuine enough interest in other people's lives.  I want to, I just... maybe I just don't know how to express to my friends that I'm interested?  I definitely don't think it comes across.
Posted by RobotLegs[/QUOTE]

maybe you need friends that you share common interests with.  you're going through a pretty major life change right now and maybe you need to meet some ppl who are on the same page.

a girl i work with has a daughter the same age as mine and i found we connected so quickly because we had so many things in common... it helps

crfische

Oh yeah, it'd be weird to be friends with people you have nothing in common with.

I have like groups of friends. I have golf friends, bunco friends, bowling friends, go-to friends, internet friends, my confide everything to friends, my family who I consider friends. But I tell you what. They are all MY PEOPLE. I love 'em, and I love 'em hard.

kcscejal

I think it takes baby steps to really establish that kind of connection.  When they have something coming up text them before to wish them luck.  Invite them out.  When you know they had something going on ask how it went.

RobotLegs

Fishy, just my mom and H really.  Not that I want to see other people UNhappy...

louisvillebride21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_speaking-of-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bb02622b-59d4-40fa-a349-5950018e2369Post:ffb1c845-e90e-4c73-91dc-dcd582bf4d4e">Re: Speaking of friends...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think what I'm figuring out so far is that<strong> I don't have a genuine enough interest</strong> in other people's lives.  I want to, I just... maybe I just don't know <strong>how to express</strong> to my friends that I'm interested?  I definitely don't think it comes across.
Posted by RobotLegs[/QUOTE]

Well, you can't express what you dont' feel, right? I pretty much care what's going on in 5 peoples lives. And even then, only certain aspects. But you can't fake it, that's even worse.

crfische

Are there people you WANT to be friends with but just don't know how to go about it? Or do you want to be a better friend to the people you're already friends with?

MRSBJS

My friends know me inside and out...all my flaws and all my strengths. They make me laugh, laugh with me (and AT me), listen to me, tell me their secrets, let me tell them mine. We cry together, we celebrate together, we commiserate and biitch together. But at the end of the day, they love me, even when I'm not being particularly loveable.

I try to do the same. I try to indulge my friends in their silliness and musings, and tell it like it is when need be. I can be hard to take in large doses, but my friends know that no matter how much I get on their nerves, I'll be there when they need me, and I'll do anything I can for them.

Robot - I don't know any of your flaws...so I'll just assume you have none for the time being lol

RobotLegs

Yeah, I think I'm just a crap friend.   

MRSBJS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_speaking-of-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bb02622b-59d4-40fa-a349-5950018e2369Post:ffb1c845-e90e-4c73-91dc-dcd582bf4d4e">Re: Speaking of friends...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think what I'm figuring out so far is that I don't have a genuine enough interest in other people's lives.  I want to, I just... maybe I just don't know how to express to my friends that I'm interested?  I definitely don't think it comes across.
Posted by RobotLegs[/QUOTE]

I actually have a friend like this...maybe you just don't know what questions to ask ,or feel like you're prying if you ask too many...?

RobotLegs

Not to get all psychotherapeutical, but I think my problem with the connection thing is that I moved pretty much every year growing up.  I knew that if I got close to someone, I'd just leave them a year later, so... why bother?

I NEED THERAPY.  lol