Wedding Etiquette Forum

Plus ones

So the guest list has been by far the most stressful part of planning a wedding. My fiance and I both have large families and apparently very popular parents with lots of family friends. If we invited everyone we wanted to we'd have ended up with over 300 people and that's just not feasible with our budget and the place we chose. We finally managed to get it to a comfortable place and send out invitations to 210 people. It was really tough and there are a lot of people we wish we could've invited, so for plus ones, we decided not to invite anyone "and guest." If they were in a relationship, their date was named on the invite. We hoped that would seem fair to everyone and then we wouldn't have to have randoms at our wedding ... I didn't want anyone going out of their way to find a date or ask a friend when there were plenty of people on my "B list" that I'd love to invite. I felt like this was a great solution.

Then last week it all came crashing down. In one day, my Uncle asked my dad if my cousin could bring a date, one of my fiance's friends added his own +1 even though he wasn't invited with one, and it came to my knowledge that one of my bridesmaids felt slighted for not getting a +1 (she's truly single). I'm not really sure what to do about any of these situations but we're really tight on money and space and I can't help but feel a little resentment now towards these people who are all making this situation even more difficult and stressful for me than it already was. None of these people were invited with dates because none of them were in relationships as of the last time we spoke with them and they'll all know plenty of other people at the wedding.

What to do???

Re: Plus ones

  • If they are in a relationship now, then you should extend an invitation to their SO as well.


    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
    Follow Me on Pinterest
  • It depends on how old the cousin is.  If it's an adult cousin in a relationship, then they should get to bring their SO.  Since they're having the uncle ask, I can't imagine that it's an adult so I wouldn't worry about that one.

    Is the friend in a new relationship that you didn't know about?  If he's got an SO, I'd try to accommodate them if you can.

    I personally would let your bridesmaid have a plus 1 if that's what she wants.

    image
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    "Halloween may have loose women scantily clad...
    But Christmas has a pregnant virgin.

    Way cooler." - anna.oskar
  • Just explain that budget & space cannot allow +1s & you made the decision to cut it off for people not in relationships.  I think that's a perfectly reasonable cut off & I've been not invited to weddings with the same criteria (fiance & I weren't engaged or living together yet) & I was never offended.  I know it sucks, but I wouldn't make any exceptions (cousin, bridesmaid, etc.) because it will open the flood gates.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2012
    I'd give your bridesmaid one if you possibly can (especially if she'll be the only person in the WP without a date)
    Unless your cousin is now in a relationship, I'd totally say no (since there will be plenty of family people there you know).

    Find out if your fiance's friend is in a relationship or not. If not, call up, apologize for the confusion and say the invite was only for him and you hope to see him at the wedding (though, if he's traveling from out of town and won't know many people at the wedding it's nice to give a +1... but if you really can't afford it, don't have to)
  • I don't even think my bridesmaid wants to bring someone, she's just upset that she didn't get the option. so i do feel really bad about that and would feel ok saying that if there's someone special she wants to bring, that's ok... i just kinda wish she wasn't making me feel bad when she knew how stressed out about the guest list i was.

    as for the cousin... she is an adult, though her behavior would never have you guess it, and she's the type of person who could be in a "serious relationship" one week and another the next.

    We don't know if my fiance's friend is in a new relationship but I'm guessing that's the case if he responded with a date. Neither of us had heard of her. should we just ask?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bb16ac2a-de1c-4475-b3bf-e82c92097713Post:a54d1f0d-ece1-4db9-afdd-7ce9b7fae5ae">Re: Plus ones</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't even think my bridesmaid wants to bring someone, she's just upset that she didn't get the option. so i do feel really bad about that and would feel ok saying that if there's someone special she wants to bring, that's ok... i just kinda wish she wasn't making me feel bad when she knew how stressed out about the guest list i was. as for the cousin... she is an adult, though her behavior would never have you guess it, and she's the type of person who could be in a "serious relationship" one week and another the next. We don't know if my fiance's friend is in a new relationship but I'm guessing that's the case if he responded with a date. Neither of us had heard of her. <strong>should we just ask?
    </strong>Posted by preziosa210[/QUOTE]

    Yes.  Also, you don't get to judge how serious your cousin's relationship is.  If she's in a relationship her SO needs to be invited.
    image
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    "Halloween may have loose women scantily clad...
    But Christmas has a pregnant virgin.

    Way cooler." - anna.oskar
  • We invited one of my mom's friends to our wedding without a date. She was going to sit at the family table with another single friend of ours that she knew really well.

    Then she RSVPd with a +1 that we didn't give her.
    We thought maybe she had a boyfriend we hadn't known about (though she didn't have one when we sent out invites), and since we did already gently tell her no kids when she'd been talking to us about what she was going to have her son wear to our wedding, we just asked for her date's name for the place card and let it go.

    Turns out this guy was not her boyfriend... and he was a no-show.

    Sometimes it's better to ask.
  • I'd ask all of these people if this person is their girlfriend/boyfriend.  If they are, let them bring them.  If it's a random date "I'm so sorry, Uncle Bob, but we won't be able to accomodate a date!  We can't wait to see you!"
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards