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Your choice, you pay?

I was at a bridal show yesterday and received a free bridal magazine. Inside they had Dos and Don'ts for brides. One of the Don'ts stated that if the bride is not paying for the bridesmaids dresses then she can't choose what they wear other than a colour/length. Is this the norm now? I wasn't planning on making my bridesmaids wear the same style dress but if I wanted them to I didn't think I would have to then pay for their dresses.

Thoughts?
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Re: Your choice, you pay?

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    I think it's normal to give them some input, but that doesn't necessarily mean you don't have a say in the dress they choose.  It's the norm for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses.

    Everyone does it differently, but the way I did it was:  I picked several different styles I liked.  Then my MOH went and tried them all on.  She eliminated the ones she didn't like.  Out of the styles left, I took pictures of her in the dresses and showed them to the other bridesmaids.  I said, "Pick the one you like the best."  Coincidentally, they all chose the same dress!  I chose the color though.
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    ltaylor713ltaylor713 member
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    edited January 2013
    Maybe they just mean that you can't pick a dress without considering their personal budgets. Like if your favorite dress was 300 and all your BMs could afford was 150, you can't make them wear that dress unless you want to pay for it. Edited for typos
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    Let's put it like this- if you do pay, you can have them wear any dress.  If they pay, you have to take their budget into consideration, but they can also have more ultimate control over the the decision.  I wouldn't say that just because you aren't paying you get no say, but they get the final say.

    Do you actually care that much what it looks like besides the color and length?  Don't you just want them to wear something in a style that they all like and look good in?  

    We only have one female WP member and we paid for her dress, but we picked a dress that she liked and looked good in- it wouldn't have been my first choice, but it's what she liked.

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    Dresses are NOT a one style fits all item.  Add in the they are paying I think it's a good idea to give them as much control over the style as possible. 






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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_your-choice-you-pay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bb51bbd8-b4cb-41da-842e-0a3b3069beebPost:182df9bf-586b-4c6c-9fb0-471d2cc1945f">Re: Your choice, you pay?</a>:
    [QUOTE] I wouldn't say that just because you aren't paying you get no say, but they get the final say. Do you actually care that much what it looks like besides the color and length?  Don't you just want them to wear something in a style that they all like and look good in?   
    Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. As long as it went with my wedding colors, I would be content. Originally, I had just told my girls to get something in a champagne color, and we all ended up going shopping together one day just to look and happened upon the dresses they wore. Since they were patterned, I wanted them to match, then, obviously, but if they had found other dresses that were different, I wouldn't have minded. </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Thanks for your thoughts ladies!

    I figured I would just get their budgets (privately) and then find a designer who has dresses in a range of prices and let them choose whatever they want. The only thing I really want out of the BM dresses is that they're all navy blue. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_your-choice-you-pay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bb51bbd8-b4cb-41da-842e-0a3b3069beebPost:71b2a046-f744-487e-90e3-df7b5ec29745">Re: Your choice, you pay?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for your thoughts ladies! I figured I would just get their budgets (privately) and then find a designer who has dresses in a range of prices and let them choose whatever they want. The only thing I really want out of the BM dresses is that they're all navy blue. 
    Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>That sounds like a good plan. 

    </div>

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    I asked my girls (privately) for their budget, then looked around to get some ideas of styles I liked. After that, I took whoever could make it/wanted to go to the dress shop to try on different styles I had chosen to get their input. After we came to a consensus, I emailed a pic of it to the girls who couldn't make it to get their input. Once everyone all agreed, we went with that dress. They paid for their own dress btw.

    So I did have input, picked the color, the length, etc. but I got their input on style and price, which I think is fair.


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    Good point about the budgets!  I did ask all my BMs for their budgets beforehand, but it didn't really matter, because I purposely picked only the cheapest styles anyway.  I figured, they don't want to spend any more money than they have to on a dress they're only going to wear once.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_your-choice-you-pay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bb51bbd8-b4cb-41da-842e-0a3b3069beebPost:71b2a046-f744-487e-90e3-df7b5ec29745">Re: Your choice, you pay?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for your thoughts ladies! I figured I would just get their budgets (privately) and then find a designer who has dresses in a range of prices and let them choose whatever they want. The only thing I really want out of the BM dresses is that they're all navy blue. 
    Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]

    I think that's a great idea. That's what I did with mine. They actually all liked the same dress, but I was fine with them not all being in the same dress.
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    I asked each girl individually what their budget was for a dress. My only request was that they wore the blue I had picked. Other than that, all my BMs are different sizes and body types. I didn't want any of them to be uncomfortable with what they were wearing. They all asked what I had in mind, so I showed them some that I liked but ultimately left the decision up to them None of them picked the same dress, but I didn't care about that as long as all of them are comfortable.
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    I told my BMs I wanted long, black satin dresses. I told them that they could pick their own dresses and if two of them wound up in the same style it was fine (this almost happened actually) but if three of them picked the same one they would all have to wear it (I had 4 girls). 

    They all wound up in different styles and looked gorgeous! Two wore Alfred Angelo, one was in Da Vinci and the last in Impressions. The store gave me the fabric swatches to look at before the order was placed to make sure I was ok with the different blacks. There was no difference IMO. 
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    It is my understanding that so long as your request is reasonable (pricewise, etc.) you can specify the dress without needing to pay for it for the bridesmaids. We didn't inquire about budgets, as we knew that a few of the bridesmaids were on restricted budgets and that we'd want to go cheaper (also because some were flying in). We ended up deciding on dresses from David's Bridal because it was near cities where the bridesmaids were, and so they could look for sales.  We just told them color, fabric, and general length, and then found the ones David's Bridal offered that fit those guidelines, and let them know we were open to other dresses if they followed those guidelines.  

    Now having dealt further with David's Bridal I wish we could have chosen somewhere else, but that's a whole different story...
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