Wedding Etiquette Forum

Do we bring a gift?

FI's best friend is getting married next month.  The groom's father is hosting a party at a restaurant for the couple this Saturday.  I guess it's not really an engagement party because the couple has been engaged for over a year and a half.  It's not a "Jack and Jill" because we received an invitation rather than buying tickets.  I don't know if we should bring a gift or not.  We will be bringing one to the wedding next month.  Anyone have any thoughts?
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Re: Do we bring a gift?

  • It sounds like a couples shower maybe?  Did they have registry infomation on the invite?  If it were me, I'd probably bring a gift equivalent to what I'd normally purchase for a showe.
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  • It sounds like a couples shower.  Yes you should bring a gift. 
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  • What did the invitation say?  What kind of party is it?  It must have given some indication.  Is it their rehearsal dinner?
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  • I agree it sounds like it might be some kind of couples' shower.

    I might do a bottle of champagne and a GC to wherever they're registered, since the nature of the event isn't entirely clear.
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  • The whole thing is kind of weird.  I wish the invitation was here for me to look at.  It didn't say anything about a shower.  FI's parents are invited to this party but not the wedding.  As a matter of fact FI received the invitation at his parents' address.  It was addressed to him and then in the card it said "feel free to bring a friend".  
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  • Sounds casual to me, not a shower.  So I wouldn't bring a shower/registry gift.  I'd probably bring a nice bottle of wine and a congrats card.  But that's just me!
  • Are you guys invited to the wedding?  Maybe it's some weird pre-wedding party for people who won't be invited to the wedding? 

    I think since it's your FI's best friend, I would just have your FI ask him what the dinner is for.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bring-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bb716fba-ed2f-4a95-b98d-c45ca99caa85Post:1ade0fd7-3d3e-42a7-80ab-a0fabbfa7af0">Re: Do we bring a gift?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The whole thing is kind of weird.  I wish the invitation was here for me to look at.  It didn't say anything about a shower.  FI's parents are invited to this party but not the wedding.  As a matter of fact FI received the invitation at his parents' address.  It was addressed to him and then in the card it said "feel free to bring a friend".  
    Posted by acmj11[/QUOTE]

    That is weird.  And inappropriate that his parents are invited when they aren't invited to the wedding.  I would get your hands on the invite because I'm sure the wording at least alludes to what kind of event this is.

    Personally, though, I would still take a gift.  Maybe everyone won't be taking gifts, but I'd be willing to bet that a handful of people are.
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  • We are invited to the wedding.  It's a few hours from here and I guess it's going to be pretty small.  The groom said he asked his dad for some help with the wedding.  This party was the result.  I think the groom is confused as well. 
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  • jholbel- I agree completely.  Etiquette went out the window with many aspects of this wedding, but that's a whole different can of worms.  You're probably right.  I'm sure some people will come with and some without gifts.  I think bringing a bottle of something is probably a good compromise.
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  • I wouldn't want to be the only person showing up with a gift or not showing up with a gift.. so I would just ask the host what most people are doing.

    My first bachelorette party I didn't know we brought her gifts and I felt like an ass for not getting one.  (I just don't think sometimes!!)
  • Just sounds like a get-together. We're having something similar. Our wedding is somewhat nontraditional and we're not really following most etiquette rules - that just wouldn't fit in with our personalities or our families' styles. Because it's pretty much a DW, we aren't inviting as many people as we'd like. Since we live 1000 miles away from both of our families, and since weddings are usually the time you'd see these people, we're having a "summer barbecue" for each family to just to get everyone together - I mean the underlying excuse is the engagement but really, it's just a reunion. We were careful not to call it an e-party or make it seem like a gift-giving event because it's not either. FI is from a very close-knit small town where everyone knows everyone and quite likely, half of the town will show up (literally). The one in my hometown is practically a block-party as well. There aren't invites - just word of mouth. Bottom line, I'm not expecting gifts and aside from a few cards, I doubt we'll get any.
  • I'd take a bottle of wine and a card just to be on the safe side.
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