it happened... they added their kids to the rsvp

Miss_Sophia

Ugh.... And I did try finding good ways to respond on the boards but I couldn't find any that I felt worked in this case.

FI and I decided the only kids invited to our wedding would be my first cousins that are under 21 (there's 4 boys) and his neice and 2 nephews. Other then that no children were put on any part of any invitation.

FI cousin and his wife who live 2 hours away sent their RSVP to my parents house (they are paying for the reception) and added their kids' names. a 3 and a 5 year old. It probably wouldn't have been a big deal if they were the only ones but my mom's cousin (who is also my godmother) called her and asked if she could bring her kids. My mom told her no.

So we don't want some people bringing their kids when others were clearly told they couldn't. What's the best way to word an email or conversation to let them know we would still love for them to come but that their kids can't.

I should also mention that FI and his cousin have never been really close and they haven't talked in over 2 years. I am baffled at this situation even though I know it is a pretty common occurance.

thanks

Goldlie11

Since you double posted, I advise you to delete one of the posts.

Anyway, call them up and let them know that the invite did not include the children.  Give the old "due to space and budget constraints " reason.  I also think that since your mother is the host, it's probably up to her to call.  Others can correct me if I'm wrong.  

Miss_Sophia

I know, I saw it double posted. Dang internet. I thought our internet was being a turd again, nope I was just impatient. I'll get to deleting the other post. Thanks

twilight.rose

You need to call the person in question and say something like, "I'm so sorry Cousin, but the invitation was only for you and Mr. Cousin. Due to space/budget constraints, we just can't allow any extra guests. We look forward to seeing you at the wedding!"

You're right that it's rude to allow some people to bring children and not others. If they choose not to come because their children aren't invited, that's not something you should feel responsible for.

JmeLee2011

 I'm sorry for your situation, this is exactly what I'm trying to avoid.  I posted last night, "help! how to not invite children?? without being rude." lol, I got LOTS go great advice.  I'm so happy I posted.  If this were me, I agree with PP.  Have your mom call since the RSVP's were sent to her home, that she noticed there were children added and have her explain, very politely, that she is sorry for the confusion and explain the situation.   I'm hoping for your sake it turns out its no big deal at all.   GOOD LUCK!!

squirrly

Don't say why you can't include them.  That gives them an out for how to fix - offering that the kids can sit in their laps, share meals, etc.

"Hi Suzy!  We're so excited to see you and Jim at the wedding.  Unfortunately, it looks like there's some confusion about little Abby and Daniel.  We're really just not able to invite everyone with whom we'd like to celebrate, so unfortunately we won't be able to accommodate the kids.  We'd love to have dinner with all four of you once we're back from the honeymoon, though!"

katiewhompus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_happened-added-their-kids-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bbc5cf91-0f71-48d8-af62-4dcae5945b91Post:d3184022-1a1c-4bb5-a5b9-84579eff5486">it happened... they added their kids to the rsvp</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh.... And I did try finding good ways to respond on the boards but I couldn't find any that I felt worked in this case.<strong> FI and I decided the only kids invited to our wedding would be my first cousins that are under 21 (there's 4 boys) and his neice and 2 nephews. Other then that no children were put on any part of any invitation.</strong> FI cousin and his wife who live 2 hours away sent their RSVP to my parents house (they are paying for the reception) and added their kids' names. a 3 and a 5 year old. It probably wouldn't have been a big deal if they were the only ones but my mom's cousin (who is also my godmother) called her and asked if she could bring her kids. My mom told her no. So we don't want some people bringing their kids when others were clearly told they couldn't. What's the best way to word an email or conversation to let them know we would still love for them to come but that their kids can't. I should also mention that FI and his cousin have never been really close and they haven't talked in over 2 years. I am baffled at this situation even though I know it is a pretty common occurance. thanks :)
Posted by Miss_Sophia[/QUOTE]

Also, you might want to expect some backlash over the bolded part. You are inviting some kids but not all kids which could get very nasty. I'm not saying you have to change it, just be prepared for some side eyes from people who left their kids with the sitter or family gossip after the fact. I could see cousin not coming then hearing from another family member there were kids there and getting hurt.

Miss_Sophia

katie, I understand some people might be upset but FI's niece is our flowergirl and my one cousin is the ringbearer. We are close with these kids and see them often. Other family members not so much. While I realize that some people may not like it but we did draw the line at immediate family members.

If we did invite everyone else's kids it would add about 50 more people to our guest list which if we had the room I would rather give to friends and family with whom we have a relationship with.

crankita

If you are going to invite people with children, you should probably plan for the children to show up, too. Better to be safe than sorry IMHO.Our invites went out addressed to the parents and their children. 

JmeLee2011

I am also having only my flower girl and and my nephews, the ring bearer's, at the wedding.  I doubt anyone will have a problem since they are in the wedding party and  immediate family.  If you'd like, let me know how your situation works out because I may need the same advice in the future. lol

Miss_Sophia

JmeLee, sure I'll let you know if you like. I really don't see other guests having a problem with the small amount of kids that are there. It's our wedding and our reception venue doesn't really say 'children welcome' anyways. Only a month to go and we'll find out!

JmeLee2011

CONGRATULATIONS! IT will be here before you know it! LOL