Is this in poor taste?

girl4182

Is it in poor taste to have your wedding on the aniversary date of a deceased grand parent?

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-in-poor-taste?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bbddaceb-df05-4e0f-9a3f-c3a3d8413e97Post:eb78a811-5dd7-4252-9440-65ed3ae60e31">Is this in poor taste?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it in poor taste to have your wedding on the aniversary date of a deceased grand parent?
Posted by girl4182[/QUOTE]
I have no idea what days my grandparents died. I could probably figure it out or ask my parents. So, to me it's not a big deal, but that's just me.

I think it definitely depends. Some people take Death anniversaries seriously, either for person reasons or for religious reasons or whatever. I'd probably check with the immediate family, especially which ever parent belongs to said grandparent.

girl4182

Sorry I meant anniversary of the funeral for a deceased grand parent. 

AddieCake

Depends. I would check with your family VIPs.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-in-poor-taste?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bbddaceb-df05-4e0f-9a3f-c3a3d8413e97Post:9e17685d-b246-45bf-96be-3fba72c73c52">Re: Is this in poor taste?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry I meant anniversary of the funeral for a deceased grand parent. 
Posted by girl4182[/QUOTE]
Oh just the day they happened to be buried on? I personally don't think that should be a problem. Unless maybe they died the year before or something.

AliH13

I think it depends on how recently it was. Personally I just wouldn't want people to be thinking "at this time in the year XXXX I was burying so and so" while at my wedding.

girl4182

It will be the 2 year mark of her funeral. 

We chose to have an October wedding. My fiancee races stock cars along with 3 of his groomsmen so we couldn't choose a date that conficted with race season (mid april to the first weekend in October) the second weened in October is Thanksgiving and the last weekend is halloween. That leaves the third weekend in October and the Saturday is the anniversary of her funeral. 

I thought that it would be nice to take a negative thing and bring some positive memories too it. I had plans to honour her at our wedding. My mom was ok with the date choice. My sister is giving me greif about it. I'm just not sure if it's a matter of her trying to be negative, which isn't out of the ordinary or if my fiance and I have made a bad call on our date choice.

mlg78

It doesn't sound like you're purposely choosing this date for that reason (you are due to availability, right?)...it just so happens it was the date everyone attended a funeral two years prior.  People remember death dates, if anything...not when the funeral was.  That's just weird (and I remember associated dates a LOT).  Your sister needs to not be nit picky.  

kmmssg

For me this would be great and no problem at all.  
For other families it could be different.

I lost my parents as a child and I have lost all but one of my bio siblings.  (I have 2 cousins I was raised with who I refer to as my sisters)  To say I have been through grief counseling would be an understatement.  It is one of my personal pet peeves when people focus on a day because that is when someone died and let it control their lives and what can and can't be done that day.  I know my parents would be very unhappy if I did that, and I would be very unhappy if my kids did that when my day comes.  

Others may not agree, and that is fine, but this is where extensive grief therapy has gotten me and I am quite happy about that.  If I were your mom or dad I would have no problem with you choosing that day.

Then...there is my cousin/sister who gets all crazy down every Halloween because that is when my Aunt (her mom) died.  She is the ultimate self-centered drama queen and the whole family knows it.  She doesn't hand out candy and sits in her house all alone because it is the anniversary of her mom's death...21 years ago.  She says "I do it for Mom."  No she doesn't, she does it for the attention and so she doesn't have to buy any candy, but I probably digress much farther than your situation and family goes.

McRogol

the second weened in October is Thanksgiving and the last weekend is halloween.

Thanksgiving is in November...Unless you're not from the US?

bridalmarch

I remember the dates my grandmothers died, but I have less than zero idea when their funerals were. Either way, it wouldn't be a problem for me. 

BostonGIrl4732

My mother had brain surgery on my wedding date.  I don't think anyone has put two and two together yet (I did but only because I remember dates for all sorts of stuff).  We didn't pick that date because of the surgery, it just worked out that way.  I think if your mom is OK with the date, then go for it.  You're replacing bad memories with happy ones!

CallaLily25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-in-poor-taste?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bbddaceb-df05-4e0f-9a3f-c3a3d8413e97Post:eb78a811-5dd7-4252-9440-65ed3ae60e31">Is this in poor taste?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it in poor taste to have your wedding on the anniversary date of a deceased grand parent?
Posted by girl4182[/QUOTE]

I'm a little torn on this. I lost my grandmother 1.5 years ago and purposefully didn't choose the day she died or the day of her funeral. My family is very superstitious about numbers, so I knew they would not only remember but be uneasy about it. My grandfather died 20 years ago and my mom still remembers the date of his funeral.

I think this is a very personal choice and depends on your family dynamic. I think my family is definitely in the minority as far as remembering dates goes. If your family doesn't fixate on those things, then I doubt anyone would remember when the funeral was. I wouldn't do it on the day they died, though. I agree with pp about checking with your VIPs and those who were close with your grandparent to make sure it won't bring up bad memories with them.

Jen4948

I don't think this is a matter of etiquette so much as personal taste.  If your family members don't have a problem with it, I wouldn't either, but if it really bothers someone that your wedding date is the anniversary of a loved one's funeral, I'd take their feelings into consideration.