Divorced Parents

virginia725

I am getting married in April and my fiance's parents have been divorced for decades, but they are cordial. His dad even goes to his mom's house for Christmas every year and brings his girlfriend. His mom has a boyfriend as well. It is a good situation and for the wedding everyone agreed on just his mom and dad being introduced together (not as a couple-just as parents of the groom Dad Last Name and Mom Different Last Name). Now his dad's girlfriend will not stop asking what she should wear and what role she plays and if she needs to wear a gown and get her hair and makeup done, etc. She even wants to go shopping with the moms! Maybe I am not being the nicest, but I don't need her to "play a role" in the wedding. I'm glad his dad is happy with her, but that is about it. My fiance's mom and I have both very nicely explained the situation to her, but she doesn't seem to get it. Advice? Thanks!

mlg78

Wow...a girlfriend?  Not even his step mother?  Yikes.  Does his dad recognize the situation or could he say something to her?

virginia725

Exactly! If she had a hand in raising him or anything remotely close to that, I might feel differently. But nothing! They have only been together for a litte under 2 years. His dad is oblivious and I doubt would say anything anyway.

MrsGandthebeag

FI's dad should tell her she can wear whatever she wants and do her hair however she wants.  As for being included in things, just don't give her any details.  She'll figure it out.  

mlg78

I love what Liatris said!  What a positive-sounding way to basically put her in her place!

Jen4948

Give her the same answers you would give to any other guest, not one of the mothers, asking you these questions.

virginia725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_divorced-parents-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc996c3f-224a-452d-a314-3c1592c20751Post:ffeac97e-c915-4af0-bbf5-3785235753e4">Re: Divorced Parents</a>:
[QUOTE]"You should wear and do whatever makes you feel beautiful. The only thing you have to do for the wedding is have a good time." Repeat as necessary.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]


I love this! Thanks :)

SlothGoals

Does your FI want his father's GF included in any way; what does he think about the situation? From what you've written she sounds like a nice woman who would just like to be included. What Liatris said above would be a great way to address it. If she still asks what you want her to wear then talk to her about different dress styles the next time you see her. A conversation about wedding attire won't kill you.

virginia725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_divorced-parents-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc996c3f-224a-452d-a314-3c1592c20751Post:dbc02702-c61c-4a33-afae-c6c8ca1905f6">Re: Divorced Parents</a>:
[QUOTE]Does your FI want his father's GF included in any way; what does he think about the situation? From what you've written she sounds like a nice woman who would just like to be included. What Liatris said above would be a great way to address it. If she still asks what you want her to wear then talk to her about different dress styles the next time you see her. A conversation about wedding attire won't kill you.
Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]

She is a nice lady, just weird about boundaries. He feels the same way I do. I have spoken to her about it numerous times never being rude, telling her as long she feels comfortable and pretty, it doesn't matter what she wears or how she does her hair. She must have brought it up 20 times yesterday between me, my fiance, and his mom.

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_divorced-parents-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc996c3f-224a-452d-a314-3c1592c20751Post:3441bb9e-1bc6-4862-b21f-6f1be1ba6bc7">Re: Divorced Parents</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Divorced Parents : She is a nice lady, just weird about boundaries. He feels the same way I do. I have spoken to her about it numerous times never being rude, telling her as long she feels comfortable and pretty, it doesn't matter what she wears or how she does her hair. She must have brought it up 20 times yesterday between me, my fiance, and his mom.
Posted by virginia725[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh that's unfortunate that she keeps bringing it up even though it's been discussed so many times. When is your wedding? Could you say something like, "Well, we've discussed this so much I feel like you should be able/close to choosing something!" In a nice tone of course, the words alone come across as bitchy here.</div>

daisygrif

I am almost in the same family set-up as your fiance', the only difference is that my mom and dad aren't friends with each other. It's been almost 2 decades since they spilt up but they just can last being together for hours. I also wouldn't want my father's girlfriend to play a role in my wedding. If possible, I wouldn't even make her appear that day. I mean it is my day not hers, but with my respect for my father, of course I would invite him with his girlfriend. I think the best way we can handle this is letting your fiance' talk to his dad politely about his girlfriend not having a role in the wedding. Tell him that his girlfriend is invited but you would really want the real members of the family to participate in it. This is what I am to do to with my dad and I'm sure he would understand. - daisy