HELP ME OUT GIRLS!

[Deleted User]

I have two options for a Saturday ceremony and reception timing. They are as follows.

3pm full catholic mass
4:30-6:30 break (catholic gap!)
6:30pm cocktail hour
7:30pm seated dinner and dancing
11:30pm end

OR

6:30pm abbreviated catholic ceremony
7:30pm cocktail hour
8:30pm seated dinner and dancing
12:30am end

Check-in time at the hotels are 3pm!! Which makes the first option difficult, unless people come the night before.

Please help! Which one is best?

Thanks in advance,
AB

aragx6

The second sounds way better to me if your church will let you. Yes, dinner is a bit late, but in my circle that wouldn't be too odd.

dumdumfroggie

I would go with the second option just because of the absence of the break.  

BinxRose

8:30 is extremely late for dinner. Please do not do that to your guests! Even 7:30 is pushing it a bit. Why do you need such a huge gap between the ceremony and reception?

mica178

I choose door #2.

dumdumfroggie

Since dinner is late, I would make sure to have a good selection of appetizers during the cocktail hour as well.

BinxRose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-girls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd6fbe53-54ff-4acb-8b8d-5138d2433c0dPost:76da0daf-9661-452c-911c-730e6b62a6cc">Re: HELP ME OUT GIRLS!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP ME OUT GIRLS! : In our circle, 7:30-8:30 seems to be the norm. So I think it depends.
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

I suppose, if they had heavy apps at the cocktail hour it wouldn't be so bad. I know all my guest would be pissed with a dinner that late.

ETA: If you have heavy apps at the cocktail hour, then I would choose option 2. If no apps are provided, I would be one cranky/hungry guest. Actually I would probably end up eating dinner before I went to the ceremony.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-girls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd6fbe53-54ff-4acb-8b8d-5138d2433c0dPost:37bb424e-dc3d-4133-816d-ab88a6ca4ae4">Re: HELP ME OUT GIRLS!</a>:
[QUOTE]8:30 is extremely late for dinner. Please do not do that to your guests! Even 7:30 is pushing it a bit. Why do you need such a huge gap between the ceremony and reception?
Posted by BinxRose[/QUOTE]

I ate dinner at 8:30 last night actually -- it's restaurant week in KC and that's the reservation time we could get at one of our favorite restaurants.

And given that the ceremony doesn't start until 6:30, surely the guests who prefer to eat earlier could have a snack or small meal pre-ceremony.

I also think the later option is easier for OOT guests as OP mentioned. A lot of my FI's family is talking about driving in the day of the wedding from about 4 hours away.

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-girls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd6fbe53-54ff-4acb-8b8d-5138d2433c0dPost:37bb424e-dc3d-4133-816d-ab88a6ca4ae4">Re: HELP ME OUT GIRLS!</a>:
[QUOTE]8:30 is extremely late for dinner. Please do not do that to your guests! Even 7:30 is pushing it a bit. Why do you need such a huge gap between the ceremony and reception?
Posted by BinxRose[/QUOTE]

I don't think it's super late because there's cocktail hour before hand.

OP I'd go with # 2. Any reason why you couldn't go with option #1, have cocktail hour start at 5:00, not 6:30pm, then dinner immediately following at 6pm?

StephBeanWed61502

OP is in NY - 8:30 is standard for dinner around here for weddings, especially because the typical cocktail hour is usually so loaded with food that it ends up being a meal unto itself.  Go with option #2 - it's much more accommodating of your guests' needs, and you'll be a better hostess.

soontobemrsep

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-girls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd6fbe53-54ff-4acb-8b8d-5138d2433c0dPost:22d2c676-5c02-4b54-881f-a071d3289c79">Re: HELP ME OUT GIRLS!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP ME OUT GIRLS! : I ate dinner at 8:30 last night actually -- <strong>it's restaurant week in KC and that's the reservation time we could</strong> get at one of our favorite restaurants. And given that the ceremony doesn't start until 6:30, surely the guests who prefer to eat earlier could have a snack or small meal pre-ceremony. I also think the later option is easier for OOT guests as OP mentioned. A lot of my FI's family is talking about driving in the day of the wedding from about 4 hours away.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

It's restaurant week here in Madison as well, we also got a late dinner since that's all they had open!
As for the OP, I would go with option 2, if people realize that the reception starts later and they have ample notice they'll know to eat a later lunch or possibly have a snack. Plus, I'm not a big fan of huge gaps between ceremony and receptions, it leaves some guests confused and having to find something to do for those 2-3 hours--which can be especially difficult if they don't know the area well.

Kate61487

If having a mass isn't important to you I'd go #2 - but I'd probably shorten cocktail "hour" to 30 minutes.

If it were actually me, since not having a mass would NOT be an option in my family I'd go with 3pm and start cocktails at 5.  I don't see any reason to have a 2 hour gap when you could do cocktails 5-6; everyone gets settled, intros, cake cutting, speeches etc take you to 6:30 and that feels like a perfectly natural dinner time to me...

ETA: I don't think a 3pm ceremony is that inconvenient to guests.  Many hotels will let you check in early as long as the room is ready.  Are you thinking they'd still need to get ready and thus need the hotel room? 

[Deleted User]

You girls are AMAZING. Thank you for ALL of the responses! This was my first frantic wedding post

To answer some questions:

YES! SO MUCH FOOD at cocktail hour. SO MUCH. I think something like 10 passed, and 3 stations.

Also, we are having a catholic wedding, which means 5pm catholic mass. Only times for ceremony are 3pm or 6:30pm.

Reception is at the public library, which closes at 5pm, meaning 6:30 is the earliest they can start.

Also, we would give fair warning via our wedding website.

Thanks again!! This site is amazing. Congratulations to all on your big days

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-girls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd6fbe53-54ff-4acb-8b8d-5138d2433c0dPost:c3823aaf-34c1-4b4a-a8d2-f90021a0b94b">Re: HELP ME OUT GIRLS!</a>:
[QUOTE]If having a mass isn't important to you I'd go #2 - but I'd probably shorten cocktail "hour" to 30 minutes. If it were actually me, since not having a mass would NOT be an option in my family I'd go with 3pm and start cocktails at 5.  I don't see any reason to have a 2 hour gap when you could do cocktails 5-6; everyone gets settled, intros, cake cutting, speeches etc take you to 6:30 and that feels like a perfectly natural dinner time to me...
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

Kate, I'm guessing her catering hall won't let her do that.  For my hall, they have pre-set times for cocktail hour/dinner/etc. because they want to be able to handle two weddings in one day - they won't start cocktail hour at 5 because the afternoon wedding before OP's probably has the space until 6 or 6:30.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-girls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd6fbe53-54ff-4acb-8b8d-5138d2433c0dPost:e5ef80f5-c01e-4d3f-b68a-167958ea3a9e">Re: HELP ME OUT GIRLS!</a>:
[QUOTE]You girls are AMAZING. Thank you for ALL of the responses! This was my first frantic wedding post :) To answer some questions: YES! SO MUCH FOOD at cocktail hour. SO MUCH. I think something like 10 passed, and 3 stations. Also, we would give fair warning via our wedding website. Thanks again!! <strong>This site is amazing</strong>. Congratulations to all on your big days <3
Posted by Aimdoublee[/QUOTE]

Wait, you don't think we're all bitches? Weird ...

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-girls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd6fbe53-54ff-4acb-8b8d-5138d2433c0dPost:0ab3e915-83eb-403f-91d3-b41359691ddd">Re: HELP ME OUT GIRLS!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP ME OUT GIRLS! : Kate, I'm guessing her catering hall won't let her do that.  For my hall, they have pre-set times for cocktail hour/dinner/etc. because they want to be able to handle two weddings in one day - they won't start cocktail hour at 5 because the afternoon wedding before OP's probably has the space until 6 or 6:30.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

ahh yeah that makes sense.  And I see now OP clarified that the space isn't available until 6:30.  I'd definitely go with #2 then.

MyUserName1

Well, reasonable OPs rarely get the biitchy answers, arag

[Deleted User]

Aw, did someone call me "reasonable"!? I will HAVE to share this with my fiance!! "See, hunny? I'm REASONABLE." Haha.

MyUserName1

*knock on wood* yeah, the sane ones seem to be coming out today.  It's awesome.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_out-girls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd6fbe53-54ff-4acb-8b8d-5138d2433c0dPost:a0a1cdc8-2d22-4f0d-9840-cad592b51664">Re: HELP ME OUT GIRLS!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, reasonable OPs rarely get the biitchy answers, arag
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

Absolutely. The cray-crays would just like to think we're the assholes who are mean to all.

Bonzo2011

I was going to suggest Option 1 and moving the cocktail hour forward, but now that OP has clarified that it isn't an option, I would go with Option 2. Although as someone with hypoglycemia, the late dinner would be tough for me since it throws my feeding schedule off. But I can and do adjust, and if you were my friend/relative, I would. Maybe, if it's in the budget, have some small welcome bags for OOT guests at the hotels, that way those who traveled day-of can grab a quick snack if necessary. Definitely not required, but if I were coming to your wedding and I were greeted at the hotel with granola bars to sustain me until 8:30 dinner, I would love you for thinking about it.

sweetcanadian1979

What about cancelling cocktail hour with the 2nd option? Make dinner @ 7:30. 

mollyehren

I would cut out the cocktail hour on option 2 which is the better option. Cocktail hours are not neccessary and not done in many areas of the country