Wedding Etiquette Forum

S/O: Wedding Programs - in memory

Didn't want to hijack the other thread.

My dad passed away last year, and I'm doing a couple of little things in memory of him on the wedding day--including putting something in our program mentioning him specifically.

Here's the thing.  I have two late grandparents who I was close to (and one I never met).  Three of FI's four grandparents have passed away, and he was close to all of them.  Also, FI's uncle died last year, and that wound is still raw for FI's aunt, who is coming to the wedding.

This seems like too many people to mention by name in the program, but I really want to mention my dad.  He's my dad, you know?  Any suggestions?  Is it okay to put something about "Those who can't be with us today, including HLQ's Father," only mentioning him by name, but still sort of referencing everyone else?
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Re: S/O: Wedding Programs - in memory

  • Yeah, we have a lot of people too.  So ours says something about remembering all those who couldn't be there, especially our grandfathers.
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  • H and I  had our two dads.  Mine had passed away much more recently than H's (a few months before the wedding), but we wanted to honor them both.  We didn't have programs or anything like that.  At the reception we did put pic up of each of our dads with one of the centerpieces between the pics and a verse I found in a Hallmark card. 

    OP - you've got a lot of people on your list.  I totally understand wanting to honor your dad by name, but might others be offended if theirs are not?  Is there anyway all of them can be mentioned by name in the program?
  • We had a generic line to those we've lost and then had a separate line specifically for my grandmother who passed less than 30 days prior to our wedding.  I'd go ahead and give your father his own line.
  • edited April 2011
    For those who mentioned people specifically, did you give name, or relationship?  Or both?

    Marrin, I haven't talked to FI yet; I wanted to have an idea in my head of what I thought was best before I say anything to him, because he's not going to deal in abstracts, you know?  We could list everyone out, but seven deceased individuals seems like a lot to put on a wedding program.  I'm trying to avoid morbidity wherever possible.  The day is going to be hard enough on a few of us.

    I have talked to FI's mother, about including her BIL, and she said while she thinks her sister would appreciate it, it's not absolutely necessary.

    kearstin, if you don't mind my asking, how did you word that?
    image
  • We have a lot of people and unfortunately not a lot of room, so we stated:

    In Loving Memory

    Forever in Our Hearts, Forever in Our Thoughts

     

    Richard "Smith", Andrea’s Papa

    Margaret ("Jones") "Smith", Andrea’s Great-Nannie

    Clarence "HisLastName", Colin's Grandfather


    and so on....we have about 14 people, so not a lot of space!

  • You do have alot of in memories of, and although one of them is fresh you are right your dad is your dad, I think it would be fine only mentioning him by name.  Maybe you could write something like (The flower arangment at the front is for all those who are no longer with us especially "Your dad's name" Father of the bride). 

    I'm very sorry for the loss of your dad.

    Good luck with planning.
    "Faith Hope and Love are some good things he gave us, and the greatest is Love"
  • I would do as Mrs. Jesse did and just do a generic one.  I mean really, if you start going to grandparents, you could then also go to great-grandparents, and distant relatives.  I wouldn't question why only your father was listed specifically.
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  • On the back of our program, it has 2 sections: 
    "Special thanks to . . . 
    name
    name
    name
    name 
     . . . our loving and supportive family.

    -*-

    The altar flowers honor the memory of . . . 
    name
    name
    name
    name
    name
    name
     . . . you are always with us.


    That's how we handled it.  FI's mom died when he was in HS, so we had to find a place to remember her.  His grandparents raised him, so because his grandpa died a few years ago, we also wanted to remember him.  In looking at it, we decided that it would be important to us to also list folks who were important in our lives growing up who are no longer with us, so the list of names is literally grandparents who have passed, and one uncle who would be with us had he not been murdered in the early 1990's (and my family and I were close to him).

    Don't know if that helps much, but that's what we're doing! :-) 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-programs-memory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd7d3cbf-17d4-4617-ae9b-2fd347026e6bPost:e8d3ca33-4c31-4bc7-bb2b-9e3b9dc41ad5">Re: S/O: Wedding Programs - in memory</a>:
    [QUOTE]For those who mentioned people specifically, did you give name, or relationship?  Or both? Marrin, I haven't talked to FI yet; I wanted to have an idea in my head of what I thought was best before I say anything to him, because he's not going to deal in abstracts, you know?  <strong>We could list everyone out, but seven deceased individuals seems like a lot to put on a wedding program.  I'm trying to avoid morbidity wherever possible. </strong> The day is going to be hard enough on a few of us. I have talked to FI's mother, about including her BIL, and she said while she thinks her sister would appreciate it, it's not absolutely necessary. kearstin, if you don't mind my asking, how did you word that?
    Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I get that.  I was also a little concerned about us having the dads pics at the reception but the two moms were so touched that I was glad we did it.

    Since your father was the most recent (it's really hard isn't it esp. now?) and the closest relationship, I'd go ahead and mention him by name and then pick something like what the PP's have suggested for the rest.
  • Thanks, ladies.  I'll take some of the suggestions here to FI and see what he thinks.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-programs-memory?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd7d3cbf-17d4-4617-ae9b-2fd347026e6bPost:b832214e-3aec-463b-ad23-8db3d086307a">Re: S/O: Wedding Programs - in memory</a>:
    [QUOTE]We have a lot of people and unfortunately not a lot of room, so we stated: In Loving Memory Forever in Our Hearts, Forever in Our Thoughts   Richard "Smith", Andrea’s Papa Margaret ("Jones") "Smith", Andrea’s Great-Nannie Clarence "HisLastName", Colin's Grandfather and so on....we have about 14 people, so not a lot of space!
    Posted by thesequel[/QUOTE]

    I like this idea, but I also like just mentioning your dad. I don't think people will be offended if you just mentioned his name. In my situation, I would like to honor one of my grandmother's whom I was very close to, but I'm afraid my parents would be upset if I only mentioned her and not my three other grandparents who have also passed, so I will probably do something similar to above.
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