Are OOT guests invited to Shower?

lopezalonso

My mom and MOH are planning on throwing me a shower and need a guest list. I am wondering if OOT guests are supposed to receive an invitation even though I know they will probably not be able to make it. I don't want it to seem like I'm demanding a gift. My FMIL says I'm supposed to invite ALL close family and friends regardless of distance.

What do you think is appropriate?

palrmt

I put my OOT guests on the shower list.  I dont expect them to be able to make it but I didnt want them to feel left out either. 

Mrs.B6302007

We had only a few OOT guests but I did not put them on the shower list. I didn't want to make it look like I was asking for a gift and I didn't want anyone to feel obligated to send something.  I also didn't want them to have to travel once for the shoer and then again for the wedding the next month.

 I have received many OOT shower invitations over the years and my first (honest) thought is that it's a gift grab.  Well, depending on the distance of course.  An hour and half away - no big deal.  It's an opportunity to visit as we would likely do for a casual get together.  But the one I got that would require me to travel 500+ miles one way?  Yeah, no.

mica178

The only OOT guests on my shower list were BMs and my MIL.

lopezalonso

I see some of you only had BMs as OOT guests for your shower. Regardless of what you decided to do; generally, is it correct/incorrect to invite OOT close family and friends to a shower?

rebarobert2012

It's really up to you.  If you would like them there, then I would add them to the list.  They can decide whether or not they will be able to come.  I don't think it would look gift grabby because they wouldn't have to send a gift if they didn't attend.  I usually don't send a shower gift if I don't attend the shower.  Unless, of course, it is someone I am really close to.

rlavach

Well, I don't know what's proper etiquette, but I'll tell you what I'm doing. My only OOT guests are an aunt and five cousins. Since we're all close, I don't really think they're going to think I'm asking for gifts, so they're invited. We do have a few OOT who live in Martinique, so we're not sending them an invite. That would be silly.

One thing I've seen is including a little note saying something like 'we know it's probably too far for you to make it, but we still wanted you to feel invited.' I don't know if that's proper etiquette, but at least it let me know that they wish I could come, but didn't think I would. 

KelleyAnn11

I would think it depends on how close you are. I usually don't get invites to my cousins' wedding showers and baby showers because I am the lone ranger out on the east coast (rest of the fam is in the midwest). I did finally say something to one of my aunts (just a really friendly thing like "I'm so happy for soandso, I wish I was closer and could be there to celebrate...would you mind terribly sending me an invite so I can send her something...blah blah). This is just to say that as the one who usually doesn't get invited, it stinks. I am happy to send a present and partake in some way, even if I can't be there in person. Just my two cents!

Birdie1483

I invited a few OOT guests, but I knew that they would make the drive to come. I would say that it really depends on the situation. If they're close enough where you know they would drive to attend, then I would invite them. If they're pretty far away and you know they wouldn't be able to make it, I might skip the invitation. It really just depends on family dynamics and if you think the long distance guests would be offended or not if they weren't invited (even if they can't make it).

There's not etiquette rule on it though.

lopezalonso

Thanks so much everyone. You have been very helpful!