Party after Reception

al1bye

My cousin, the Bride, has invited all us BMs to go out with her and her soon-to-be husband after the reception to go bar hopping.  On top of this, they want to rent a limo to take everyone from the reception hall to downtown where all the bars are, but ask that all the BMs chip in to pay for this.  My husband and I are not late owls.  I'd rather be at home in bed and not waste my money on a limo.  Can I decline this offer of late night fun?  

lily_721

I would 100% decline and wouldn't feel at all bad about it.  I hate when brides have all these "wonderful" ideas that are funded by others. 

misssunshine17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_party-after-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be0611fa-bbc2-46af-9814-ed781997c457Post:9c3719c3-916d-46df-8764-789dde78a7e2">Re: Party after Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I would 100% decline and wouldn't feel at all bad about it.  <strong>I hate when brides have all these "wonderful" ideas that are funded by others. 
Posted by lily_721[/QUOTE]</strong>

<div>This! I don't know where some people come up with this crap!</div>

aquari0216

My friend did the chip in limo and barhop thing for her b'day so in essence it's fine....its definitely not a subpoena so by all means leave plus your responsibility is done...this is something extra...lll be doing the same thing...everyone thinks it's a good idea and just like EVERY other bride does...ill be CHANGING...... into a white afterparty dress with a BRIDE sash

melb2013

Like PPs said, feel free to decline.  I think you having to pay for it is absurd.  I also want to know when planned after parties that the bride and groom attend became a thing?  In my world, the bride and groom usually want to be alone after the wedding- not out drinking until 3 am so that they have a hang over the next day.  I guess I'm a stick in the mud.

Bthor

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_party-after-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be0611fa-bbc2-46af-9814-ed781997c457Post:9ef4c7cb-02b5-4be1-a21d-eb27f5c9e95d">Re: Party after Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Party after Reception : Color me tacky then, because I did and it was the best part of the whole wedding day.   Honestly, depending on how it was worded, I don't see inviting others to chip in and ride in the limo as a big deal either.  Now if it was set up as "we're doing this and we want you to do it with us as the WP" then that's different than "hey, a bunch of us were thinking of renting a limo so we won't have to worry about driving while we're out, if you want to join us then it's X amount."  But regardless, there is ZERO reason why you should feel obligated to go or to ride in the limo, OP.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]'


This.

I'm not engaged but I've been with my boyfriend for five years, if/when we get married- I want to go out with my friends who I never see, after the reception like we do at our friends weddings. I've spent the past five years worth of nights with my bf and will have years of nights worth more, but on my wedding night, I want to enjoy the party with my then husband and friends.

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_party-after-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be0611fa-bbc2-46af-9814-ed781997c457Post:fbefb3d4-97fe-4f40-919c-cf18ae4e2ff6">Re: Party after Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Party after Reception : 1. The only couples I know who are dying to hurry up and "be alone" on their wedding nights are those who are saving themselves for marriage.  Personally, we wanted to hang out with our friends from all over the world for as long as possible that night. 2. Since when does going out to bars automatically equal a hangover the next morning?  Or even heavy drinking for that matter.  DH and I were out until 2am on our wedding night.  I had 3 drinks all night, he had 1.  The last time I had a hangover after a night out at the bars was my 22 birthday.  The idea that going out automatically equals getting hammered will fade as you get older.  
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The couples I know who have partied after weddings usually get super drunk- I realize this is not always the case, that's just the experiences I've seen.  For me personally, the wedding is enough of a party.  After that, I'd like to take the time to myself.  The entire day is all about being with your family and friends- when that's over, I'd like to take the time to realize that the wedding was not about the party- it is about getting married and actually be with my husband.  That's just how I feel- I'm very old fashioned sometimes.  To each his own.  I'm not judging you, I just don't feel that way personally.

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melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_party-after-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be0611fa-bbc2-46af-9814-ed781997c457Post:c6da75b8-8740-4617-a2b7-da20c6ef2d03">Re:Party after Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Party after Reception: That makes sense, I guess. I think it also depends on what TYPE of wedding you plan. Ours was over by 5:30pm, and there were only about 3 hours that were about "being with family and friends", so we went to the hotel, had sex, went out to a private dinner, and by 9pm, we were looking for something to do. If you have a 5 hour reception in the evening and spend the whole day hanging out with a ton of people, I could see it being different. I still think it's awfully presumptuous to characterize going out after the wedding as not realizing the wedding is about a marriage and "not about a party". The party is to celebrate the marriage with your nearest and dearest, and choosing to continue the celebration doesn't mean the couple takes marriage any less seriously, which is how you make it sound.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Lol I'm not trying to start an internet fight here.  I didn't think about weddings in your time frame.  The people I know who go out after weddings have had evening weddings and rarely get home before 3 am. I wrongly lumped everyone into that category.</div><div>I do think that people who do not get home before 3 am, having partied all day long and barely said two words to their new husbands, have somewhat lost sight of what the wedding was really all about.  I think we can all agree that there are tons of brides looking for the wedding, not the marriage (at least I know a few).  I realize that not everyone is in the same situation or would think about it the same way, and I shouldn't have put such a blunt and presumptuous statement out there.  </div><div>I think I made that statement thinking about a wedding I just attended over the weekend where the bride and groom barely acknowledged each other the entire day, were out until 4 am, and had deathly hang overs the next day.

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[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_party-after-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be0611fa-bbc2-46af-9814-ed781997c457Post:e85855c9-69ac-4b62-8567-7bdefb4edeb3">Re:Party after Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Party after Reception : Lol I'm not trying to start an internet fight here.  I didn't think about weddings in your time frame.  The people I know who go out after weddings have had evening weddings and rarely get home before 3 am. I wrongly lumped everyone into that category. I do think that people who do not get home before 3 am, having partied all day long and barely said two words to their new husbands, have somewhat lost sight of what the wedding was really all about.  I think we can all agree that there are tons of brides looking for the wedding, not the marriage (at least I know a few).  I realize that not everyone is in the same situation or would think about it the same way, and I shouldn't have put such a blunt and presumptuous statement out there.   I think I made that statement thinking about a wedding I just attended over the weekend where the bride and groom barely acknowledged each other the entire day, were out until 4 am, and had deathly hang overs the next day.
Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

Not trying to start a fight either, but I wanted to offer another perspective. We're having a 5 hour evening reception. There's a bar at our hotel which will be open after the reception and, if our friends are all about going there (which, with FIs group, is a LARGE chance), we will probably go back to the hotel, change, and head on down. I can see what you're saying about for some, this being losing sight of what the wedding is about for some but, for us, we realize the commitment we're making and we realize the importance of our marriage and that's actually exactly WHY we're spending thousands of dollars to throw this huge party for our friends and family to come celebrate with us. I want to spend every moment of that day, if I can, throwing down with the people we love most to be like "Hey, this is awesome, FI and I are married." The ceremony is for our actual vows and the marriage. The honeymoon is for us to have time to take it all in and celebrate, alone, the fact that we're finally husband and wife. But, to me, that one day is about our party - our celebration of how awesome this is with everyone else who's important to us - and neither of us want to just be alone or we would have run off to the JOP and gotten it done. Does that make any sense? I guess I'm just saying while some brides definitely do just want a big party and forget about the marriage part, some of us definitely have thought long and hard about the marriage part but still want to have their big all night party with family and friends :)

(oh, and on a side note, we may be up all night but FI and I aren't drinking much that night...we want to remember it all. I will most likely be chugging coffee to keep up with all of those who ARE drinking).

melb2013

I don't wholly agree, but I'm not trying to force my opinions on others here.  It's not how I would choose to structure my wedding or how I think about weddings, but we're all entitled to think about it differently.  I am sorry that I made a rash, presumptuous opinion earlier though.  I wasn't trying to offend anyone.

Jen4948

I think you can decline if you like, and if you do, you definitely should not be expected to pay for it.