Wedding Etiquette Forum

MOG WEARING BLACK

We are having a formal eveing twilight wedding in a vineyard by the beach and Our color theme is shades of blue .... and now 2 weeks before Our wedding MOG desides that she is wearing a short black dress to the wedding and I reserve black dresses for guest ok but not for MOG or MOB or anyone int the bridal party . I am having a real hard time with her wearing black and i dont like it but if i say anything iknow i will get told no i wont change it so should i even bother and just be unhappy at my wedding being that she is also not going along with the plans of the day for pictures and stuff ect.... i am so lost and unhappy i just wanna give up his fmaily has been fighting us on everything for the 2 years we got engaged and want things their way and their schedule and not our way how will i ever get thru this .wed date aug 4 2012 
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Re: MOG WEARING BLACK

  • Black is a very elegant color and is appropriate for most occasions, especially formal evening weddings. This is not a huge deal...would you be happier if she wore white? Let it go and focus on what your wedding day truly symbolizes. Good luck!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-wearing-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be10bb8f-2279-47fb-bb5b-36f3bae30502Post:3385aa75-0138-4c76-af4b-b01fb40f99fb">MOG WEARING BLACK</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are having a formal eveing twilight wedding in a vineyard by the beach and Our color theme is shades of blue .... and now 2 weeks before Our wedding MOG desides that she is wearing a short black dress to the wedding and I reserve black dresses for guest ok but not for MOG or MOB or anyone int the bridal party .<strong> I am having a real hard time with her wearing black and i dont like it but if i say anything iknow i will get told no i wont change it so should i even bother and just be unhappy at my wedding being that she is also not going along with the plans of the day for pictures and stuff ect..</strong>.. i am so lost and unhappy i just wanna give up his fmaily has been fighting us on everything for the 2 years we got engaged and want things their way and their schedule and not our way how will i ever get thru this .wed date aug 4 2012 
    Posted by ampotito27[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You seriously need to read the bold part and get over yourself.  I'm a MOB that wore black to 2 of my girls weddings.  Come to think of it, so did the MOG's!  We looked damn stunning in black, as most women do.  Get over the incredibly old school crap about black at weddings.  Black looks good at any occasion.</div><div>
    </div><div>Do not say anything to this woman.  You aren't interested in her as your mother in law, you are interested in her as a prop in your pictures, by your own admission.  You need to let this one go now.</div><div>
    </div><div>Also, exactly what plans for pictures isn't she going with?   </div><div>
    </div>
  • I agree.  No big deal.  And if it is a big deal, you have lost sight of the important part of the day.
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  • Come to think of it, MY mom is wearing black to my wedding.  I forget this as it is not her usual color choice, but she wanted to wear it to the wedding, so fine.  LOL...I am so stuck in telling you that it is not a big deal that I forgot my own mom is wearing it!
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  • EK2013EK2013 member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-wearing-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be10bb8f-2279-47fb-bb5b-36f3bae30502Post:3385aa75-0138-4c76-af4b-b01fb40f99fb">MOG WEARING BLACK</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are having a formal eveing twilight wedding in a vineyard by the beach and Our color theme is shades of blue .... and now 2 weeks before Our wedding MOG desides that she is wearing a short black dress to the wedding and I reserve black dresses for guest ok but not for MOG or MOB or anyone int the bridal party . I am having a real hard time with her wearing black and i dont like it but if i say anything iknow i will get told no i wont change it so should i even bother and just be unhappy at my wedding being that she is also not going along with the plans of the day for pictures and stuff ect.... i am so lost and unhappy i just wanna give up his fmaily has been fighting us on everything for the 2 years we got engaged and want things their way and their schedule and not our way how will i ever get thru this .wed date aug 4 2012 
    Posted by ampotito27[/QUOTE]

    <div>Black will also look really nice with shades of blue...</div><div>It's not like she's mourning anything--and since she's a grown adult, she gets to pick her dress. Don't ruin your day for yourself and your future family over this one.</div>
  • My MIL wore black and I was totally whatever about it. And? It was the same exact dress she wore to her daughter's wedding a year prior. So when there are pictures side by side of our wedding and hers she's wearing the same dress. But you know what? That's totally on her. I know this is stressing you out but in the grand scheme of things this is not something worth getting stressed about.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-wearing-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be10bb8f-2279-47fb-bb5b-36f3bae30502Post:3385aa75-0138-4c76-af4b-b01fb40f99fb">MOG WEARING BLACK</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are having a formal eveing twilight wedding in a vineyard by the beach and Our color theme is shades of blue .... and now 2 weeks before Our wedding MOG desides that she is wearing a short black dress to the wedding and I reserve black dresses for guest ok but not for MOG or MOB or anyone int the bridal party . I am having a real hard time with her wearing black and i dont like it but if i say anything iknow i will get told no i wont change it so should i even bother and just be unhappy at my wedding being that she is also not going along with the plans of the day for pictures and stuff ect.... i am so lost and unhappy i just wanna give up his fmaily has been fighting us on everything for the 2 years we got engaged and want things their way and their schedule and not our way how will i ever get thru this .wed date aug 4 2012 
    Posted by ampotito27[/QUOTE]

    Maybe I'm just in a bad mood, but this really pissed me off. You cannot tell anyone what to wear unless they are in the bridal party. Is your future mother in law a bridesmaid? No? Then you can't tell her, a grown woman, what to wear. And if you are going to be unhappy because she messes up your pictures (WHAT?!), you have serious priority issues. Let it go, it's just a dress.
  • hoffsehoffse member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    She's an adult and can dress herself.  If she doesn't want to wear blue she doesn't have to.  Maybe she doesn't like blue.  Or maybe you picked a shade that looks bad on her... I mean, I know I don't own a single thing in baby blue because it makes me look pasty.  Just saying.

    Black is a beautiful color on most women - it is slimming and confidence-building.  I recently wore black to a wedding because I had gained a little weight and wasn't as confident in a light color, and I got TONS of compliments from people who hadn't seen me recently.  It was a great choice for me, even though it was summer.

    You need to get over yourself and focus on what's important - the fact that you're getting married.  Honestly, if you've been complaining about this kind of BS for the last two years, I don't blame them for fighting with you.
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  • My FMIL is wearing black. It's got sequins on it and she loves it. Whatever; It's her son's wedding day and I want her to be comfortable and happy. Get over yourself/
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Formal. Evening. Twilight. Ocean. Vineyard.

    My first instinct on the perfect dress color, before you even mentioned the colors, would have been midnight blue or black. She's going to look stunning in that setting. Think about a starry night and how pretty that color combination is.

    Let it go.

  • You don't get a say in what anyone other than the wedding party wears. My mom will be wearing black, chances are my FMIL will too. This is no big deal, let go of the little things.
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  • melb2013melb2013 member
    2500 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited July 2012
    Sounds like you are maybe over reacting due to other circumstances that have come up during your engagement?  Just taking a guess.

    Mothers can wear whatever they want and you do not get a say.  Leave it alone and let her wear something she likes.  I know my mother is totally stressing about what she will wear and feel comfortable in, so whatever she likes is fine with me.

    Edit: And I'd like to add that it goes against proper etiquette for mothers to match the wedding colors...  

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  • My mom wants to wear pants, and if that's what she truly wants, I'm not going to stop her. I'd like for her to wear a dress but I'm not going to stomp my feet and cry over my "ruined" wedding photos. If that's what she's comfortable in, who cares?
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  • In Response to Re:MOG WEARING BLACK:[QUOTE]My FMIL is wearing black. It's got sequins on it and she loves it. Whatever; It's her son's wedding day and I want her to be comfortable and happy. Get over yourself/ Posted by snuff9861[/QUOTE]

    You make me giggle in the best way possible!!

    Totally agree, black is not just for funerals and is a classy choice for your FMIL. Move on and remember why you are getting married!
  • edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-wearing-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be10bb8f-2279-47fb-bb5b-36f3bae30502Post:a974bdc3-d71b-431c-884f-92f62467d0a7">Re: MOG WEARING BLACK</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sounds like you are maybe over reacting due to other circumstances that have come up during your engagement?  Just taking a guess. Mothers can wear whatever they want and you do not get a say.  Leave it alone and let her wear something she likes.  I know my mother is totally stressing about what she will wear and feel comfortable in, so whatever she likes is fine with me. <strong>Edit: And I'd like to add that it goes against proper etiquette for mothers to match the wedding colors...  </strong>
    Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

    I had never heard this before.  My MIL ended up wearing a dress straight from her closet which pretty much exactly matched the BP.  I said nothing, knowing it was not my place to give input.  She looked lovely!

    OP, I think you are overreacting.  The MOG and MOG, like any other guests at your wedding outside of the bridal party, are free to wear whatever they choose.  Your MIL's choice of a black dress should not be this upsetting.
  • If my mother wanted to wear black to my wedding I don't even think it would occur me to get upset (maybe I just don't know all the proper etiquette?).  I'm sure she's not doing this to hurt you and I agree with everyone else who says you need to let it go.  It sounds like you're really stressed about other aspects of the wedding planning (understandable) and making a mountain out of a molehill.  Try to stay focused on what's important - YOU MARRYING YOUR FIANCEE!!
  • Clearly the MOG doesn't support your marriage--hence, the black dress.  Clearly. 









    (Pssst......the black dress doesn't mean anything.  Get the F over yourself). 
  • I don't really see the big deal here.  She bought a black dress that will work quite well.  If you have colors of midnight blue out there, do you really think that going to black is that big a deal?

    Also, your post was really hard to read.   If you used periods instead of ellipses it wouldn't have appeared as one giant run-on sentence.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-wearing-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be10bb8f-2279-47fb-bb5b-36f3bae30502Post:3385aa75-0138-4c76-af4b-b01fb40f99fb">MOG WEARING BLACK</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are having a formal eveing twilight wedding in a vineyard by the beach and Our color theme is shades of blue .... and now 2 weeks before Our wedding MOG desides that she is wearing a short black dress to the wedding and I reserve black dresses for guest ok but not for MOG or MOB or anyone int the bridal party . I am having a real hard time with her wearing black and i dont like it but if i say anything iknow i will get told no i wont change it so should i even bother and just be unhappy at my wedding being that she is also not going along with the plans of the day for pictures and stuff ect.... i am so lost and unhappy i just wanna give up his fmaily has been fighting us on everything for the 2 years we got engaged and want things their way and their schedule and not our way how will i ever get thru this .wed date aug 4 2012 
    Posted by ampotito27[/QUOTE]

    <div>Don't fight this battle.  It is not worth it.  If she is trying to be difficult, being sweet about the color will tie her up in knots.   It is killing her with kindness and it works.  </div><div>
    </div><div>I speak from experience here.   My MIL wore a black lace dress and carried lilies.  Calla lilies not funeral lilies.  I have (with difficulty) decided to be amused about her choice.   She is a difficult woman, period.  I told her that we were picking up calla lilies for the mothers and grandmothers, before she bought her black dress.  </div>
  • My MIL wore a black dress and it was fine. Other than taking pictures in the church with her, I barely saw her that night because there were so many guests we wanted to make sure to talk to and thank. You will have better things to do than care about her black dress.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-wearing-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:be10bb8f-2279-47fb-bb5b-36f3bae30502Post:a974bdc3-d71b-431c-884f-92f62467d0a7">Re: MOG WEARING BLACK</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sounds like you are maybe over reacting due to other circumstances that have come up during your engagement?  Just taking a guess. Mothers can wear whatever they want and you do not get a say.  Leave it alone and let her wear something she likes.  I know my mother is totally stressing about what she will wear and feel comfortable in, so whatever she likes is fine with me. Edit: And I'd like to add that it goes against proper etiquette for mothers to match the wedding colors...  
    Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]



    Both my mother and MIL wore blue (albeit different shades) to the wedding, which the bridesmaids also wore. They both look best in blue and loved the dresses they picked. I've never heard of that before.
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's a just a dress, honey. Get over it. 

    Also, punctuation is your friend.
  • melb2013melb2013 member
    2500 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-wearing-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be10bb8f-2279-47fb-bb5b-36f3bae30502Post:57349c07-0040-4bbd-87e7-1f1aa6eec015">Re: MOG WEARING BLACK</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOG WEARING BLACK : I had never heard this before.  My MIL ended up wearing a dress straight from her closet which pretty much exactly matched the BP.  I said nothing, knowing it was not my place to give input.  She looked lovely! OP, I think you are overreacting.  The MOG and MOG, like any other guests at your wedding outside of the bridal party, are free to wear whatever they choose.  Your MIL's choice of a black dress should not be this upsetting.
    Posted by Soon2BeMrsTing[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I read it in a manners book... personally I don't think it's a big deal.  I think they were more trying to say that you shouldn't pick our mother's dresses to be a prop in your WP.

    </div>

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  • Obviously your FMIL does not support the marriage and is publicizing her feelings via the color of her dress. No, seriously, this is a non-issue. As PP mentioned, black sounds like it will look fantastic in your twilight, formal, evening wedding.
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  • What's wrong with black?  Lots of people look best in black.  My MIL wore black. 
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  • bongebonge member
    100 Comments
    My colors were fuscia, navy & lavender. My Mother & I are very close,she was my MOH but she found a long black dress that she felt comfortable in while my girls were in shorter blue dresses, she looked & felt great (medical issues) so that was most important thing. 
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  • I've seen that in some other etiquette guide, too, about the MOB or MOG not wearing the same colors as the bridesmaids. I think it's another one of those etiquette things that isn't really a big deal, but it is a thing.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-wearing-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be10bb8f-2279-47fb-bb5b-36f3bae30502Post:b76e3c46-8109-4ca4-9e5e-af7b002808f3">Re: MOG WEARING BLACK</a>:
    [QUOTE]Obviously your FMIL does not support the marriage and is publicizing her feelings via the color of her dress. No, seriously, this is a non-issue. As PP mentioned, black sounds like it will look fantastic in your twilight, formal, evening wedding.
    Posted by AceTT[/QUOTE]

    <div>If only someone else had said this exact same thing (even down to the spacing) 4 hours earlier!</div>
  • My mom is going to be in black more than likely. Our colors are black and red, so FMIL is going to wear silver/gray and my mom wants to be in black. It's no biggie
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  • My MOG is wearing black, and she's going to look f*cking awesome! Seriously, though. It's not like she's wearing a long black veil too. Black is a great color that looks very nice on a wide variety of people. My groom's wearing black too.... I am going to bet yours is as well. Why is that any different than a lovely, formal black dress on his mom?
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