Wedding Etiquette Forum

Not a Traditional Engagement, Small Destination Wedding - How do we tell everyone else?

Hi Ladies,

My fiance and I were recently engaged, but we've kept it pretty quiet so far.  We've told only our family and only the closest of friends so far.  We've also pretty much sworn them to secrecy!  We are planning for a small destination wedding in Vegas in September but there are a lot of people that we couldn't invite due to budget and size limitations on the space.

My question is:  Am I shooting myself in the foot by keeping the engagement quiet?  I know a lot of friends would be hurt (but understand) that they weren't invited to the wedding if we just talk up the small wedding/budget constrictions.  But if they find out on something like Facebook that we got married, I'm afraid that it will hurt even more that they didn't know we were engaged.

As I'm typing this, I feel like I'm answering my own question, but I'd love to know if anyone has been through something similar?  I don't want any hurt feelings, but my fiance and I don't really like the spotlight.  We love our friends, but not the attention it would bring by telling the world that we are engaged/will be married soon.  

Should we just tell people we are engaged and get it over with?!

Re: Not a Traditional Engagement, Small Destination Wedding - How do we tell everyone else?

  • Don't keep your engagement secret. I wouldn't shout it from the rooftops, but don't like about it either. Your friends will understand if you have a small wedding. 

    After you get married (like the next day) you can send wedding announcements. 
  • I'd be really hurt if I found out my friend got engaged from Facebook. You don't have to tell them they aren't invited, though that's rude. Inthink if you casually mention you're planning a small destination wedding, though, they might get the hint.
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  • Just because you tell someone that you're engaged, doesn't mean that you have to invite them to the wedding.

    Be sure to tell all of your close friends and family first (the ones who need to hear it from you) either in person, by phone, or even by email.  Then you can put it up on facebook.  It's a much more passive way to get the word out there without being in people's face about it.
  • I would tell your friends. They are going to find out eventually. Personally, I think you're making a  mountain out of a mole hill. Just tell people that you are doing a small intimate destination wedding- people will understand that. Also, the "spot light" is only for like 2 seconds.
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  • We are having a small destination wedding in Vegas.  We simply told the people we invited.  If anyone outside the guest list asked, we obliged their line of questioning and told them it was a very small wedding with close family and friends.  No one seemed butthurt upon learning about it.

    We are also very private people and did not advertise or even mention the engagement or any wedding details on Facebook.  This has saved us from any headaches. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-traditional-engagement-small-destination-wedding-tell-everyone-else?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be446889-e1a3-40ea-9514-17b5a509769ePost:8374516b-5687-4025-8ab3-460245ff9bd4">Re: Not a Traditional Engagement, Small Destination Wedding - How do we tell everyone else?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Also, what's so non-traditional about your engagement? Just that you're keeping it quiet? I feel like I'm missing something here.
    Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]


    This. Also, I wouldn't be hurt if I found out you were engaged but I wasn't invitied because of the small size of your wedding. Just because you tell someone you're engaged doesn't mean that they're invited. Honestly, I would be hurt if I found out after you got married that you had been engaged all of that time and hadn't told me/valued me enough to tell me something so excited.
  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited January 2012
    Tell people now. Just because you tell them you are engaged, they will not assume they are invited.

    If you hide it, people will be hurt. Promise.

    I had*a private DW, I told people the moment I got engaged that I was engaged. But I did quickly tell people that we were thinking about running away and getting married.

    If anyone asks after you tell them you got engaged say, "We are thinking we are having a very small/private wedding somewhere fun, maybe Vegas." People will understand.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-traditional-engagement-small-destination-wedding-tell-everyone-else?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:be446889-e1a3-40ea-9514-17b5a509769ePost:13da9ca3-3ea1-4b0e-bede-dd55d8cd5299">Re: Not a Traditional Engagement, Small Destination Wedding - How do we tell everyone else?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not a Traditional Engagement, Small Destination Wedding - How do we tell everyone else? : Why?  OP, you can absolutely tell people you're engaged, and listen to PP about saying "oh, it's going to be really small" when people ask for specifics.  Then change the subject to weather/sports/local haps, whatever.
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]


    I'd rather find out from the person and not a third party who posts about it on fb, ya know?
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  • Thanks for the advice ladies!  I think the "non-traditional" part is that we've been together for 8 years and friends have been dying for us to get married.  They were even placing bets on the actual year that we would get married and we've passed those guesses by a few years!  People love to see loose ends tied up!  Also, we hadn't planned on doing engagement rings, engagement parties, bachelorette/bachelor parties or anything like that.  We're keeping it simple and sometimes its hard for our friends (who are super involved in our lives) to understand that!  I'm more worried about the "LET'S SEE THE RING" kind of chatter I guess.  People are nosey... our friends are even nosier!
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