not wanting gifts

ccunsolo

My fiance and I work and live overseas.  Because of weight restrictions on airplanes and the difference in voltage overseas, we'd prefer not to have gifts given to us.  Is there a way to nicely say that we'd just prefer the money?

baystateapple

Nope.  And I'm pretty sure that you could have searched the boards and found another question exactly like this one.  You gotta lurk first, post second.

aMrsin09

Where are you overseas ( I am currently in France)

There is no way to say you'd rather get money.  Your guests will figure it out.  I didn't even really have a registry becuase of the voltage difference/shipping hassle and people ended up just giving cash.

Stackeye210

I can certainly understand why you are concerned, and how logistically gifts just aren't possibly.  However, the only thing you can really do is not register anywhere, and by word of mouth when people ask you, FI, or the parents where you are registered they can explain that you can't ship gifts overseas, so gifts are not necessary. 

You cannot lead them in the direction of monetary gifts, but odds are they most likely would go that route.  It's bad etiquette to ask anyone for money, it comes across like you're assuming a gift is automatically warranted, and it is not. 

Good Luck!

Minimax052910

Just spread by word of mouth when asked. Tell both of your parents that you'd rather get gifts, so whenever one of your guest ask them what to get them, they can tell them.

That's what we're doing with our wedding. We have double of everything (we lived on our own before moving in together) and really don't need anything except first house down payment. So far everyone's happy with it and lot of people are "releived" that they don't have to buy crap and money's easier.

We tell them only when they ask. They want your honest answer. Really, I'd rather give money away than a pointless gift because they "just had to register" which will probably end up in the trash within a year.

We already got monetary gifts and the wedding isn't for another month and half!

Minimax052910

Oops edit: you'd rather get money, not gifts.

shellydiane820

Does it sound like there's a polite way to ask this?

ZoeTheDog

Just don't register for anything? 

Nebb

The proper way to do this is to write explicitly on the bottom of the invitations CASH ONLY in a larger text than the rest of the invitation to make sure it is noticable to all guests.

ccunsolo

Thanks everyone.  

Btw, we both work for a non-profit org in the Middle East.  

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-wanting-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bebd731a-85a7-44bc-ab0d-7a1f7e94f3caPost:e506f985-8869-4dfa-b0c7-35bbad59918e">Re: not wanting gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]The proper way to do this is to write explicitly on the bottom of the invitations CASH ONLY in a larger text than the rest of the invitation to make sure it is noticable to all guests.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

They actually have recordable message cards now. So they could record a "cha-ching!" sound for when you open the card, just in case people skim the text.

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-wanting-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bebd731a-85a7-44bc-ab0d-7a1f7e94f3caPost:e506f985-8869-4dfa-b0c7-35bbad59918e">Re: not wanting gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]The proper way to do this is to write explicitly on the bottom of the invitations CASH ONLY in a larger text than the rest of the invitation to make sure it is noticable to all guests.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]


WRONG. A lengthy poem explaining you want cash and only cash is much much klassier.

starryeyed2011

I think the poems can actually be cute! I've seen people get really creative with them. A few years ago, my friend was moving to Hawaii right after her wedding, so she just asked for Macy's gift cards so she and her husband could set up their new place. But she did it in a cute way like that.

Night_Sprite

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-wanting-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bebd731a-85a7-44bc-ab0d-7a1f7e94f3caPost:b3a4a757-6754-46d4-b017-5b462d00c757">Re: not wanting gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the poems can actually be cute! I've seen people get really creative with them. A few years ago, my friend was moving to Hawaii right after her wedding, so she just asked for Macy's gift cards so she and her husband could set up their new place. But she did it in a cute way like that.
Posted by starryeyed2011[/QUOTE]
Yeah, no.  That's not okay.  It's tacky with a capital TACKY.

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-wanting-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bebd731a-85a7-44bc-ab0d-7a1f7e94f3caPost:b3a4a757-6754-46d4-b017-5b462d00c757">Re: not wanting gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the poems can actually be cute! I've seen people get really creative with them. A few years ago, my friend was moving to Hawaii right after her wedding, so she just asked for Macy's gift cards so she and her husband could set up their new place. But she did it in a cute way like that.
Posted by starryeyed2011[/QUOTE]

Cute doesn't make it right, deary.

SarahSmile23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-wanting-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bebd731a-85a7-44bc-ab0d-7a1f7e94f3caPost:b3a4a757-6754-46d4-b017-5b462d00c757">Re: not wanting gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the poems can actually be cute! I've seen people get really creative with them. A few years ago, my friend was moving to Hawaii right after her wedding, so she just asked for Macy's gift cards so she and her husband could set up their new place. But she did it in a cute way like that.
Posted by starryeyed2011[/QUOTE]

oh dear god. please don't do this. my SIL and BIL did this on their invitations. they didn't ask for cash, but they wrote a tacky little story that had the names of everywhere they are registered in it. it was awful!!! i had people calling me and laughing at the bride and groom every time they got their invitations. even my MOM called me laughing.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-wanting-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bebd731a-85a7-44bc-ab0d-7a1f7e94f3caPost:7f6757ac-2175-440e-b505-5c5273ed8af3">Re: not wanting gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: not wanting gifts : oh dear god. please don't do this. my SIL and BIL did this on their invitations. they didn't ask for cash, but they wrote a tacky little story that had the names of everywhere they are registered in it. it was awful!!! i had people calling me and laughing at the bride and groom every time they got their invitations. even my MOM called me laughing.
Posted by SarahSmile23[/QUOTE]

Sarah, that's just wrong. Yeah, there's definitely no amount of "cute" that can save the money-grubbing overtones of this kind of stuff.

ccunsolo

I did some more brainstorming and found some ways we can register so that we're able to get some things we need and still stay within weight limits.  Amazon.com with all their lovely information is beautiful.