Not a B list but...

lifeonthehill

I don't want it to come across that way. Despite families pleas to invite all 100+ family members on my mothers side I have held strong and refused to invite anyone I don't know personally. None of this "They are your deceased great uncle from florida's kids!" nonsense.

Well a second cousin named K her DH and the son were not orriginally invited. I didn't know them when they were mentioned to me and didn't recognize them from a photo at the time. I have now seen them all on a few ocasions and feel quite close to K and her family. They are aware they did not get a STD card in Dec. and she has talked wedding with me and doesn't seem bothered by the lack of invite.

I want to invite her now but don't know how to go about it without it seeming like a B list situation. I can skip the STD and just send them an invite with rest but I worry it will look shady. Is it weird to tell her what I have told you guys?

MuppetOverlord

There's 4 months till your wedding? You're fine. Send it out.

We're not sending out an STD to everyone. The STD isn't an invitation, it's just a way to prep those people we can't do without at our wedding or who have to travel far well in advance.

tmw7278

I think it's fine to just send her an invite with the rest.
I have added people to my guest list after the STD went out, no biggie.

hoffse

This is why I'm not a huge fan of STDs - they make couples feel like they have to commit to a firm list 6-8 months out, and relationships change.  You are totally fine inviting her and her family without a STD.

FWIW we only sent STDs to people our age who expect to receive them.  Most of our parents' friends actually find them a bit rude and AWish because it's a demand ("save the date") rather than a request ("the honor of your presence is requested...").  But people our age think they are B-listed when they don't get them.  One of our groomsmen was like, "I never got the save the date."  I'm like, "did you know you were invited?" "Yes."  "Did you know the date?" "Yes." "Then why on earth would we send you one?"  Ok I'll step off my soapbox.

Point is, you're fine OP.

OwningAHome1981

STD's are never a requirement anyway, so it's not rude to send them an invite and not send an STD. We did send STD's to everyone but a lot of people only send to the out-of-towners or people they feel need to be given a lot of notice or don't send them at all. There's no right or wrong anyway since it's not a requirement. And, STD's are a pretty new thing anyway.

As far as inviting people you don't know, I think most weddings will always have a few neither bride or groom know. My parents are inviting some of their cousins who I have never met and certainly my fiance has never met. My parents are paying, so they get the ultimate say... but I think most of the time, most weddings there's always a few people neither the B or G knows. (Not necessarily a bad thing).

Amyzen83

I'm only sending STDs to out of town guests so they can get good plane ticket rates, other than that everyone gets an invite. Besides who's to say that closer to when invitations are supposed to go out, you don't meet some really great friends along the way. I'd hate to exclude them just because they missed the STD deadline. FYI, I learned from The Knot that STDs are a new thing, and aren't mandatory.

aurianna

Luckily they're not true inverses of each other.

Receiving a STD = You will be invited
Not Receiving a STD != You won't be invited.

As long as invites go out at same time, you're in the clear!