NWR... Awkward friend encounter!

Robsgal85

I have a very close friend that is a lesbian. After moving back to our hometown, I mentioned to her that I was taking FI to this local eatery/creamery for the first time and I invites her and her partner to come. She replied "no, they don't support the gays." She kind of made me feel guilty about going.

Ummm... What am I supposed to do in this situation? I already bought the groupon, I'm not going to waste the money by not going. Besides, this place is very nostalgic for me and holds a lot of family memories. I'm sorry the management doesn't support her lifestyle/community... But does that mean I can't have my ice cream?

AJuliaNJ

What did she mean by this?  That can mean so many things ranging from they didn't donate to a GLBT cause when asked (but it wasn't necessarily because it was GLBT), to there being a specific ignorant person working there that said something insulting, or they truly, as a business, spoke out against gays.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-awkward-friend-encounter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bee4cb2a-358c-4186-9f96-4d8a1daab0cfPost:3ddebd70-175c-425f-aa79-00775925cea6">NWR... Awkward friend encounter!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a very close friend that is a lesbian. After moving back to our hometown, I mentioned to her that I was taking FI to this local eatery/creamery for the first time and I invites her and her partner to come. She replied "no, they don't support the gays." She kind of made me feel guilty about going. Ummm... What am I supposed to do in this situation? I already bought the groupon, I'm not going to waste the money by not going. Besides, this place is very nostalgic for me and holds a lot of family memories. I'm sorry the management doesn't support her lifestyle/community... <strong>But does that mean I can't have my ice cream?</strong>
Posted by Robsgal85[/QUOTE]
This is a decision you have to make for yourself.

A lot of people would probably be surprised by the companies who are actually... not "anti-gay," but that have agreed with organizations like One Million Moms and the American Family Association, which is it's parent company. If you (general you) boycotted all those companies and other companies who dont' agree with your social issues, there wouldn't be many of your favorite stores left to shop at.

Next time this happens, you can say, "I'm sorry they don't." and change the subject. It doesn't have to be awkward. You learned this company doesn't support something your friend does support, that's all. Learning new things shouldn't ever be awkward.

ETA: for clarity

Robsgal85

I had to google it! Apparently one of the super strict catholic owners donated to an antigay marriage political fund... Going to the business there is no evidence at least to me of either the owner's religious beliefs or their political stance on gay marriage... How's a person supposed to know these things?!?

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-awkward-friend-encounter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bee4cb2a-358c-4186-9f96-4d8a1daab0cfPost:347b3104-7496-45f1-a29b-3c9dfac04530">Re:NWR... Awkward friend encounter!</a>:
[QUOTE]I had to google it! Apparently one of the super strict catholic owners donated to an antigay marriage political fund... Going to the business there is no evidence at least to me of either the owner's religious beliefs or their political stance on gay marriage... How's a person supposed to know these things?!?
Posted by Robsgal85[/QUOTE]
 OMM and FFA have latest updates on their accomplishements and projects. And there are a few friendly GLBT sites that do the same. That's where I find stuff out on this particular topic.


I started getting into this sort of thing after a friend on facebook called for a boycott on BP gas stations and I was, like, "You do know that the company is huge and has many other businesses under other names, right?" They just changed the gas stations' names lol.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-awkward-friend-encounter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bee4cb2a-358c-4186-9f96-4d8a1daab0cfPost:071eff0c-1406-43df-928a-3a521f2d34ed">Re:NWR... Awkward friend encounter!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NWR... Awkward friend encounter! : She enlightened you, and now you decide where to go from here. Something key to consider is this ,,,, did the owner make the donation personally or on behalf of her company? My dad is a dentist and a faithful Catholic. He has personally supported organizations that probably supported groups that seek to defend traditional marriage. Dad is not shy about his faith (even in his office), but his practice supports local, interfaith ministries that focus on providing medical care to the less fortunate. I would hope that someone would stop being his patient because of what he does with his money outside of his business.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
Well, here's the thing...
If they are putting their profits towards the donation, even if they aren't doing it in the company's (or business's) name, then it's still money the patron gave them.

It's like with anything... let's say you give cash as a wedding gift and the couple gives the money to an organization you dont' agree with. It sucks, but it's their money to do with as they please. But if you know they plan on giving their money to an organization you don't agree with, you might be more inclined to buy a gift off their registry, instead of just cash. This way you you know the gift is going to them and not to a charity you don't like.
So, let's say Store X's owner gives to the WBC once a year. It's his money, he can do what ever he wants. However, if Store Y has the same basic products and the owner doesn't give to the WBC, you might be inclined to purchase from them, instead, and give Store Y's owner your business (and money), instead.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-awkward-friend-encounter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bee4cb2a-358c-4186-9f96-4d8a1daab0cfPost:1a71a7f1-2572-4cdd-b2ae-731615f3925e">Re:NWR... Awkward friend encounter!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NWR... Awkward friend encounter! : I worked for ExxonMobil (not sure if this is true for BP). Most of the gas stations you visit to fill your car are not owned by the parent company. They are usually franchised. So, by boycotting the gas station, you actually are having a minuscule impact on BP. Just FYI.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
I wasn't a part of that boycott because of a similar reason. I dont' remember if they were franchised (probably?). They have a bunch of gas stations in all different names, not just "BP," and I knew that boycotting just those couple of BP stations that were actually called BP wouldn't do much except put the people of that particular station out of business. And <em>those</em> people (the "little people" for lack of a better term) had nothing to do with the spill.

Robsgal85

There was a bit more to the conversation to where I'm comfortable saying any guilt I feel isn't just on me, but semi intentional on her part. While I understand she has a right to spend her money where she sees fit, so do I. I support her, but like I said, this place is special to me and my family.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-awkward-friend-encounter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bee4cb2a-358c-4186-9f96-4d8a1daab0cfPost:c5d2a893-0274-4f04-ade7-84c7a7b4d94d">Re:NWR... Awkward friend encounter!</a>:
[QUOTE]There was a bit more to the conversation to where I'm comfortable saying any guilt I feel isn't just on me, but semi intentional on her part. While I understand she has a right to spend her money where she sees fit, so do I. I support her, but like I said, this place is special to me and my family.
Posted by Robsgal85[/QUOTE]
Have you considered writing an (anonymous) letter to the owner? Not strongly worded, of course, just requesting some more information? I mean, it's always good to get both sides of the story.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-awkward-friend-encounter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bee4cb2a-358c-4186-9f96-4d8a1daab0cfPost:057df09d-2d59-44aa-b51b-99e1af587e48">Re:NWR... Awkward friend encounter!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NWR... Awkward friend encounter! : I see your point. I think it comes down to how far a person is willing to look into public records of an employee to see where the $$ goes. A woman at my dads office is Mormon. Her tithing could have supported the funds behind Prop 8. I guess the point I'm making is that I respect propels convictions and willingness to make personal sacrifices to percent funding a certain cause. It just bugs me when I see people get so invested in that aspect of a persons life where they forget that the person behind a counter still has to pay the rent and feed the kids. I hope that Makes some sense.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
It definitely makes sense. My friend decided that instead of boycotting Chik-fil-a, she's going to give a donation of equal (or more) value to a GLBT friendly organization that helps support marriage equality. She said it helped eased her conscience lol.

I make some choices on where I shop or eat based on things other than where the owners donate money. Sometimes I do choose based on that, but I try not to live and die by it because I'm afraid it will consume me.

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-awkward-friend-encounter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bee4cb2a-358c-4186-9f96-4d8a1daab0cfPost:c0161661-407f-4ecf-9424-d8f534867dbb">Re:NWR... Awkward friend encounter!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NWR... Awkward friend encounter!: Did she try to get you not eat there? Did she say anything to you about not spending your money there? If not, I'm sorry but you're reaching. <strong>And like it or not, you ARE choosing to support an anti gay organization.</strong> That's fine, it's your choice, but acting like your friend did something bad or mean spirited by refusing to join you in supporting the very people who oppress her and her partner is rather immature. <strong>I really think you feel guilty and you don't want to. You want to keep going to your favorite ice cream place and not have to think about it, so you're projecting onto her.</strong>
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>This. </div><div>
</div><div>OP, I get that this place is special to you, but it seems as though you're trying to justify going somewhere you know intellectually that you shouldn't support but emotionally you have ties to. You'll have to figure out what's more important.</div>

QueerFemme

 "Besides, this place is very nostalgic for me and holds a lot of family memories. I'm sorry the management doesn't support her lifestyle/community... But does that mean I can't have my ice cream?"

OP - sure, Go ahead and eat your ice cream. Sit back in your nostalgia and enjoy a hot fudge sundae.  And then, when some state level poliitician is funding another antigay measure, and you look at the donor roll for that politician or for that measure, and the owner of your beloved ice cream place is on that list, try not to feel guilty that you indirectly funded legislation that will harm someone you are calling your friend.

Support the causes you want to support.  Or don't support the ones you don't want to.  But don't act like where you spend your money doesn't matter.  It does. And while it's possible that you "support" your friend, getting your ice cream fix at your nostalgic creamery is more important to you.

You may not like the way that sounds, but it's true.  You are putting your desire to have an ice cream at this particular business above caring for your friend's civil rights. You shouldn't be surprised when that hurts her feelings or offends her. 


ETA:  when you say "I'm sorry management doesn't support her lifestyle/community"  I really think you are severely minimizing the issue.  There is a huge difference between having an opinion, and  advocating for restrictions on civil rights.

 

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-awkward-friend-encounter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bee4cb2a-358c-4186-9f96-4d8a1daab0cfPost:0db719c1-a76f-4675-b1f0-3a71fdf9f780">Re: NWR... Awkward friend encounter!</a>:
[QUOTE]No worries .... I'm drinking wine while DH is sound asleep from his margaritas. So I might not have made sense. Did you see this - <a href="http://youtu.be/sO-msplukrw" rel="nofollow">http://youtu.be/sO-msplukrw</a>
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
lol yeah. That was floating all around here while that CFA hoopla was going down.

ally91

omgosh it's ice-cream. just eat it.

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-awkward-friend-encounter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bee4cb2a-358c-4186-9f96-4d8a1daab0cfPost:59040402-b272-41e4-bd1c-8740e66d8f84">Re: NWR... Awkward friend encounter!</a>:
[QUOTE]omgosh it's ice-cream. just eat it.
Posted by ally91[/QUOTE]

Way to minimize the issue.