Using engagement presents?

shortee426

J and I are having a debate right now.  We both know that any wedding presents we receive should be set aside and not used until after the wedding.

However, J is saying that engagement presents can be used right away.  I think that's just a technicality and they should be be set aside with the rest of the presents.

So...e-presents...use right away or store with wedding gifts?

(Sorry if this seems silly and obvious)

Might be a P&R,  but I'll check answers when I return.

aleighk1

I think e-presents can be used right away and wedding presents should wait. But how do you decide what's an e-present and what's a wedding present?

shortee426

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_using-engagement-presnets?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff393b1-7be5-44d7-bca4-0e4de6b9a2c5Post:5a661dac-200b-43ae-ae38-ecca3b82e2d2">Re: Using engagement presents?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think e-presents can be used right away and wedding presents should wait. <strong>But how do you decide what's an e-present and what's a wedding present?</strong>
Posted by aleighk1[/QUOTE]

<div>That's why I think they all should wait!  His parents sent us something and when we called them, they said it was an e-present.  So I guess if someone explicitly tells you it's an e-present you can use it?</div>

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_using-engagement-presnets?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff393b1-7be5-44d7-bca4-0e4de6b9a2c5Post:5a661dac-200b-43ae-ae38-ecca3b82e2d2">Re: Using engagement presents?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think e-presents can be used right away and wedding presents should wait. <strong>But how do you decide what's an e-present and what's a wedding present?</strong>
Posted by aleighk1[/QUOTE]


This is what I am thinking. Are you having an engagment party? Or are people just sending gifts?

I know we received some cards, but no gifts right after we got engaged. We never had an e-party either.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

What exactly are you getting? If you have an e-party and people bring you wine or little things, then that's cool. If they're buying things off your registry, I'd set them aside.

lilcassers

Use right away. If they give it to you in way advance before the wedding, I think that signifies a "congratulations" present. We recieved picture frames, china, and some cute "just engaged" tank tops and photo albums. I have put use to all of them!

garcias1

We got a cake cutter and cake server for an e-present.  So obviously that is for us to use at the wedding.  If you are getting a gift as an e-present (comes with a card that says "congrats on your engagement," not "congrats on your marriage") I think it's safe to use it.  We also got money from family to put towards wedding expenses.  It came in the form of checks, so obviously they wanted us to cash the checks as soon as possible and then use the money during the planning process.

tenofcups4me

For my first wedding, we received engagement gifts from the registry shortly after we got engaged -- about a year before the actual wedding. The expectation was that we would start using those gifts immediately. No one would have wanted us to sit with boxes of crystal, serving ware, linens and other things for the house for a year until the wedding.

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_using-engagement-presnets?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff393b1-7be5-44d7-bca4-0e4de6b9a2c5Post:2578160d-e272-4128-8662-91bd1a838d11">Re: Using engagement presents?</a>:
[QUOTE]For my first wedding, we received engagement gifts from the registry shortly after we got engaged -- about a year before the actual wedding. The expectation was that we would start using those gifts immediately. No one would have wanted us to sit with boxes of crystal, serving ware, linens and other things for the house for a year until the wedding.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

Not saying this will happen to the OP - but in that scenario, what happens if the wedding is called off? Those things were from your wedding registry, not an engagement registry. I also don't know why you would have had a registry set up a year before your wedding. Obviously, you went through with the marriage, but if that didn't happen, what happens to those gifts. Technically they should be returned.

I think the line is gray. If someone specifically says "this is an engagement present" then use it, but if gifts are just arriving from your registry with no instructions. I would wait.

MrsMLRB

We each picked a few things that we wanted to start using right away and the rest are in boxes in the corner of my living room calling to me. We figured if things don't work out we can pay to replace the ones we used and send back the unused ones. But I really would like to put away that pile of boxes at both our places.

tenofcups4me

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_using-engagement-presnets?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff393b1-7be5-44d7-bca4-0e4de6b9a2c5Post:864f27ee-6ea1-40a5-988c-80acf91099ae">Re: Using engagement presents?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Using engagement presents? : Not saying this will happen to the OP - but in that scenario, what happens if the wedding is called off? Those things were from your wedding registry, not an engagement registry. I also don't know why you would have had a registry set up a year before your wedding. Obviously, you went through with the marriage, but if that didn't happen, what happens to those gifts. Technically they should be returned. I think the line is gray. If someone specifically says "this is an engagement present" then use it, but if gifts are just arriving from your registry with no instructions. I would wait.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

I had a registry set up a year before my wedding because that's the norm in my crowd. And the second we announced we were getting married, people started asking where we were registered so they could buy us engagement presents. (It took us about a month to do it and my mom was getting annoyed at us for waiting "so  long" since so many people were asking her about it.)

Engagement registry/wedding regsitry...just a difference in semantics. In my crowd, the registry is used for engagement and shower gifts; wedding gifts are cash. And yes, I suppose we would have returned the engagement gifts if we hadn't gone through with the wedding, though I never gave it much thought. I'm pretty sure it would be hard to return a year-old gift, even if it had never been used.

mkrupar

That makes sense since it's the norm in your circle ten.

stephasuasu

I say use the engagement presents. People would want you to use them. We also cracked open all of our wedding gifts from the shower right away. I guess we were just that sure the wedding would have happened. If the wedding didn't happen for whatever reason, then I would just mail a check to each guest for the cost of each gift and move on since all the gifts had been opened. 

NOLAbridealmost

Heh.... Go figure. I've never heard that you're not supposed to use the gifts until the wedding. I must be living under a rock.

I mean...how often do weddings actually get called off when you're close enough that people are sending gifts?  Not to impugn anyone who may have cancelled, I had just never heard of this. 

I always thought people waited to open gifts because they wanted to "complete" sets of things like china and silverware before opening stuff.  I feel silly now.

whaleflipflops

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_using-engagement-presnets?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bff393b1-7be5-44d7-bca4-0e4de6b9a2c5Post:a2efda45-e3fa-4b54-ba87-e2894e0fbf76">Re: Using engagement presents?</a>:
[QUOTE]Heh.... Go figure. I've never heard that you're not supposed to use the gifts until the wedding. I must be living under a rock.<strong> I mean...how often do weddings actually get called off when you're close enough that people are sending gifts?</strong>  Not to impugn anyone who may have cancelled, I had just never heard of this.  I always thought people waited to open gifts because they wanted to "complete" sets of things like china and silverware before opening stuff.  I feel silly now.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]
I personally know of three girls with broken engagements.

To the OP- we got asked right away where are you registered? We had a registry before our engagement party but only one of our gifts came from there. The majority of our gifts were checks/cash that got put in savings. The only one of our engagement gifts that we have really used so far was a wedding planning binder from one of my bridesmaids.