Wedding Etiquette Forum

To open the bar or not to open the bar...

My fiance and I settled on a venue for the reception, and it was after we got the ppp reduced by about $20 a person. (They removed an extra tray of cookies, a carving meat, and changed the 5-hour open bar to a 1-hour bar + 4 hours "per consumption.") THEN they said they would knock off another almost $10 a person if we would wait a week and have our October wedding in November. Now my fiance is saying that if we have it in November, his family that would be flying from South America might run into issues at their children's schools, pulling them out during finals week. So okay, back to only $20 less.

Now that you have the backstory, here comes the question: has anyone ever done or attended a wedding that closed the open bar early? If so, how was it received?

Ideally, I would like to do 2 hours of open bar, 2 hours of per consumption, and then close the bar for the 5th hour. OR, I would like to do a 2 hour open bar, and then close the bar. I came into this knowing that I didn't want people to have to pay for their drinks, but I come from a family of non-drinkers. I am inviting a lot of people from the church, and I also have several "non-church-going" friends who don't drink, or if they do drink, they don't care either way whether they can or not.  To me, I cannot justify paying around $400 to add another hour of open bar if only a handful of people will be ordering wine or a beer. And if I'm completely wrong, I don't want to rack up a per consumption bill too high to front after the wedding.

Help! We're having it at an old rustic building, not really all that fancy, but it's exactly what we're looking for. And we're having a small wedding, inviting around 105 people. So I think that maybe people would consider the 2 hour open bar to be generous of us being as though it is a small wedding.

Am I completely wrong?

Re: To open the bar or not to open the bar...

  • beautiful location! 

    I think the etiquette is that you should host what you can afford (just beer&wine) etc rather than close early.

    i would likely be annoyed if the bar arbirtrarily closed early.  and how can you announce that w/o it being awkward?
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  • Suggestion: delete the name of your venue. Anyone on the internet can see that info, so it's just better to keep it private.

    I don't think people will "think you're being generous" with a 2 hour open bar, and your wedding size (which is not particularly small) has nothing to do with it. Hosting everything is expected, regardless of how many guests you have, and it's weird to close the bar that early. You could probably get away with closing it an hour before the end of the reception and making an announcement about last call since people will be starting to leave by then, and most people aren't pounding drinks until the very lastsecond of a party.
  • Can you host just beer and wine for the full time?  It might be cheaper.

    I've been to many weddings where they close the bar for dinner but reopen afterwards.

    But really, if you can only host 2 hours of alcohol in a five hour party, that's not stellar.  Can you pull three?

    One hour before, closed for dinner, two hours after, last hour closed?
  • As a guest, I would much rather have a cash bar than a bar that closed early.  I've found that (at least on this site) more people would like the option of paying for their drinks, than having no drinks at all.

    I think the idea that a two hour open bar is generous in and of itself is not really a correct one.  Your guests are not going to think "hey, they are swell people for closing the bar early, at least we got a couple of free drinks!"  They are most likely going to be caught off-guard when they go up to get a drink at hour three, and realize that the bar is closed.

    I'd recommend hosting what you and your FI can afford, even if that's a limited bar (beer and wine).  Please don't close the bar two hours in.
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  • If you really think so many people won't drink a lot, why can't you just pay for what they do drink for the full 4.5 hours (or as someone else suggested, close it during dinner and have wine on the table, which is totally fine)? I think it would be better to close it during dinner than for an hour before the end, unless you expect people to leave early anyway.

    This is assuming "per consumption" means you are paying for only the drinks that your guests are consuming, as opposed to a flat fee. If you mean guests are paying for what they consume, that's another story.
  • Maybe shorten the party all together?  Isn't five hours a long time for the reception?  Especially if you are closing he bar two hours into it?

    Also, I imagine that announcing last call is going to cause people to swarm the bar (especially with 2-3 hours left).  And if you are paying per consumption that would probably cost more than paying for open bar (at least in my crowd).  I would probably order 2 drinks myself if I heard last call and if enough people do that, it costs more than the extra open bar depending on if they are charging full price for drinks or not. 

    Per consumption sounds risky to me.  But I guess you know your crowd better than I.   I wouldn't do it though.

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  • Thanks, you guys. I don't want to be stingy by having a cash bar. It was just a thought to see how it would be received. And I'm pretty sure that if we do choose to have the bar open for two hours, we pay per consumption for the next two, and then closed for the last hour so people can drive safely, the only thing our guests will hear is that it closes an hour before. The open/per consumption thing is all on us, it's just how we would choose to pay for it. And with a party consisting almost 50% of nondrinkers, I would feel better paying for what the 50% drink after the 2nd hour, rather than assuming X amount of alcohol gets consumed when really only 6 or 7 people order beer and wine.
  • I agree that it's ridiculous to shell out that kind of money for a few people tp drink. I think perhaps you're better off doing "per consumption" for most of the party, if you don't think a lot of people will drink. Or, do a cash bar near the end. I think it would be strange if the bar closed early, but I don't think that you should necessarily have to pay for the guests to drink, if you can't afford it.
  • My brother paid so much money upfront, and once those funds had been exhausted, it turned into a cash bar. I believe he fronted about $400, which only lasted about 45 minutes, doesn't seem like much time, but in your case, it may last longer with not as many drinkers.

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  • OP, if that's the case and your guests don't ever need to open their wallets to eat and drink at your reception, I think it's fine.  My venue only offered a consumption bar option, and it was fine since a lot of our older guests only had a glass of wine or champagne at the beginning of the night (this was balanced out by our younger guests drinking like mad men for all 6 hours of the reception).
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-not-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c05a1216-454a-433e-b390-92d7f4dcff0cPost:f10f2383-9328-4819-80de-d01a4d4c2351">Re: To open the bar or not to open the bar...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks, you guys. I don't want to be stingy by having a cash bar. It was just a thought to see how it would be received. And I'm pretty sure that if we do choose to have the bar open for two hours, we pay per consumption for the next two, and then closed for the last hour so people can drive safely, the only thing our guests will hear is that it closes an hour before. The open/per consumption thing is all on us, it's just how we would choose to pay for it. <strong>And with a party consisting almost 50% of nondrinkers, I would feel better paying for what the 50% drink after the 2nd hour, rather than assuming X amount of alcohol gets consumed when really only 6 or 7 people order beer and wine.</strong>
    Posted by lilacdust[/QUOTE]

    If you are absoluetly sure of this then yes, but if you are just assuming this will be the case because it sounds cheaper right now I would be careful. 

    Like PP said, her brothers $400 lasted 45 minutes.  So if he would have done 2 hours of per consumption it would have been expensive! 

    Is your venue charging you full price for drinks?  Or will they do "happy hour" prices?  That willl make a difference as well. 

    I would be too scared of getting hit with a huge bill afterwards.  Especially if everything is available (mixed drinks, shots, etc.).  That stuff can add up quick.
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  • I don't understand why drinking is such a big deal to begin with. I drink but my fiance doesn't. If you can't afford something I would just avoid it. I see nothing wrong with a cash bar or only paying so much then it's a cash bar. 
  • Yeah, I know my crowd. I don't want to close it, but I am 99% certain that doing open for 2 and per consumption for 2 would cost me lot less than open. I don't want to offer only some drinks (beer and wine only), and we couldn't really close during dinner because it's buffet style.

    One of my BMs told me yesterday that there's no reason why we SHOULDN'T close the bar an hour early. Two reasons, obvious safety reasons aside: first, yeah, 5 hours is a long time to host a reception, but I would rather pay for 5 than pay for 4 and run into overtime. The guests can choose to leave when they want to leave so if some people leave before or during the 5th hour, there goes an hour's worth of drinks already paid for. Second, we're Christians. All of my family is Christian. Most of my friends are Christians. So it wouldn't come as a shock that we wouldn't be the ones to encourage people drink as much as they want. I know not everyone will have the same views as I do, which is why I wouldn't want to thrust a cash bar on anyone who wanted to drink.

    NOW we're considering a 2 hour open bar, and 3 hours of per consumption - beer and wine only. I'm gonna guess that means that for those 3 hours, if people want beer and wine, we would pay for it. If they want a mixed drink, it would be more. And if we can get the bartender to make our signature drink (Pisco Sour), that would be on us, too. How does that sound?


    PS - thank you so much, you guys! You dont even know me and are helping out sooo much. =)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-not-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c05a1216-454a-433e-b390-92d7f4dcff0cPost:c25ea75d-d077-436a-a75b-ab68a02b9451">Re: To open the bar or not to open the bar...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't understand why drinking is such a big deal to begin with. I drink but my fiance doesn't. If you can't afford something I would just avoid it. I see nothing wrong with a cash bar or only paying so much then it's a cash bar. 
    Posted by beckys67[/QUOTE]

    It's not about drinking vs. not drinking, it's about hosting your guests properly. 
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  • I see both sides. It is about hosting your guests properly, but after all, YOU'RE paying for them to be there and share the day with you. Chances are, the gift you're going to get from your guests won't even scratch the surface of what it paid for them to be there. And if that sounds selfish, I mean... it is your day. I've seen many weddings done where there wasn't even dancing (because of religious views) allowed during the reception. The bride didn't want anyone dancing inappropriately and making her feel uncomfortable. I'm not expecting people to get sloshed at my wedding, but if they do, I don't want to know that on top of me being uncomfortable if people are drunk, that it was me who paid for them to be drunk.

    I think it will be just fine if we do the one hour (or 2) open bar and then the rest per consumption, closing the bar an hour before. We don't have very many drinkers, and the drinkers we do have are respectful and responsible and wouldn't be throwing back drinks 10 minutes before the venue closes just because it's free.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-not-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c05a1216-454a-433e-b390-92d7f4dcff0cPost:06182cd5-e347-4125-9810-47c5cc7ebef2">Re: To open the bar or not to open the bar...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I see both sides. It is about hosting your guests properly, but after all, YOU'RE paying for them to be there and share the day with you. Chances are, the gift you're going to get from your guests won't even scratch the surface of what it paid for them to be there. And if that sounds selfish, I mean... it is your day. I've seen many weddings done where there wasn't even dancing (because of religious views) allowed during the reception. The bride didn't want anyone dancing inappropriately and making her feel uncomfortable. I'm not expecting people to get sloshed at my wedding, but if they do, I don't want to know that on top of me being uncomfortable if people are drunk, that it was me who paid for them to be drunk. I think it will be just fine if we do the one hour (or 2) open bar and then the rest per consumption, closing the bar an hour before. We don't have very many drinkers, and the drinkers we do have are respectful and responsible and wouldn't be throwing back drinks 10 minutes before the venue closes just because it's free.
    Posted by lilacdust[/QUOTE]
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-not-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c05a1216-454a-433e-b390-92d7f4dcff0cPost:06182cd5-e347-4125-9810-47c5cc7ebef2">Re: To open the bar or not to open the bar...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I see both sides. It is about hosting your guests properly, but after all, YOU'RE paying for them to be there and share the day with you. <strong>Chances are, the gift you're going to get from your guests won't even scratch the surface of what it paid for them to be there. And if that sounds selfish, I mean... it is your day.</strong> I've seen many weddings done where there wasn't even dancing (because of religious views) allowed during the reception. The bride didn't want anyone dancing inappropriately and making her feel uncomfortable. I'm not expecting people to get sloshed at my wedding, but if they do, I don't want to know that on top of me being uncomfortable if people are drunk, that it was me who paid for them to be drunk. I think it will be just fine if we do the one hour (or 2) open bar and then the rest per consumption, closing the bar an hour before. We don't have very many drinkers, and the drinkers we do have are respectful and responsible and wouldn't be throwing back drinks 10 minutes before the venue closes just because it's free.
    Posted by lilacdust[/QUOTE]

    Oh lilac, please get this idea out of your head. When you invite your friends over for dinner, do you expect them to bring you a hostess gift that will cover the cost of the lasagna you made? Or if you organize a birthday party, do you sit at home later that night tallying up the cost of the birthday gifts to see who appropriately paid for the drinks you provided? I really hope not, and a wedding is no different.

    You choose to host the style of reception that you want for the number of people that you want. Your guests choose to give you a gift to congratulate you. The two things are not connected, one isn't payment for the other.
  • Crap, I was trying to bold, not submit. 

    You might want to chill on the "it's my day, their gift should cover their plate" thing. 
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  • Oh no, that's not what I was saying at all. I know that a gift is a gift and isn't something that's required as more than a gesture to say thank you. All I was saying is that I'm inviting people to a party, hosting it my way, and hoping that my guests are grateful. If each guest went above and beyond and brought their weekly salary with them and helped clean up afterwards and all that, I'd feel bad not reciprocating with something amazing. I didn't mean that guests should pay for what they think they're going to get.

    I know it's a silly comparison, but there is no "rule" that just because it's a wedding, throw how you would normally host a party out the roof. When I have parties at my house, I do it buffet style so people feel more relaxed. I don't serve alcohol because I don't want to have to worry about people leaving if they can't drive home safely. I want to allow drinking at my wedding but I don't think it would be so shocking and hurtful if we were to close the bar early. And since no one really drinks, it's not like we would be pulling the plug on an alcohol-fueled party.
  • My suggestion is to serve only beer and wine for four hours and close the bar down for an hour at dinner.  Per consumption is only a good idea if you know that your guests are not big drinkers and will only have 1 or 2 drinks all night.  My venue coordinator said that 95% of the time having an open bar is less expensive then a per consumption bar.  Then again you could just have a dry reception.


    BTW, I am closing the bar during the dinner and having a buffet.  At this point people will be more concerned about getting food then getting drinks.  Have your DJ make an announcement 10 minutes prior to dinner service that the bar will be closing.  Your guests will get a drink or two and then be fine during dinner.


    Oh and closing the bar early will most likely end the evening early as well.  People associate the bar closing as the party is coming to an end...so if you do this be prepared for a lot of people to begin leaving.


  • aragx6aragx6 member
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    edited April 2011

    An alcohol-fueled party sounds fun.

    Lizzie
  • I would close the bar during dinner service hour - that way people are in their seats anyway and they all have a drink from cocktail hour. Just place a sign up on the bar (probably during cocktail hour) that makes it clear that it'll be closed that hour during dinner. That would be my solution. I've had it done at weddings i"ve attended and it made zero difference because we were all seated anyway and had the drinks we'd wanted from cocktail hour.
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  • OP, I would agree that you don't have to go super all-out for a wedding.  However, it is important to host properly, meaning providing food and refreshment of some sort.  Personally, I don't even think that alcohol is necessary to host properly, just as long as there is something (like pop, tea, lemonade, etc.) for guests to drink. 

    I'm of the school that no bar is better than cash bar, because I don't feel like guests should have to open their wallets at a hosted celebration.  It's just that dry receptions tend to be shorter since alcohol tends to promote socialization.

    I would say, though, that you may want to be careful with a consumption bar.  On one hand, if you are super-sure you don't have a lot of drinkers, it may work out fine.  However, some people who may not drink a lot during their normal lives choose to let loose during a wedding reception, since it's a big-deal social event.  So be prepared for that. 
  • Lilac,

    I know you said you didn't want to do just beer and wine, but you also don't want guests to get super drunk.  I know from weddings I've been to, the fastest way to get guests drunk is to give them unlimited hard drinks.  So, actually limiting your alcohol choices to beer and wine might solve 2 problems in one - it is waaaay less expensive AND might lessen the chances of over-served guests.  I just think that stronger drinks can sneak up on you more than beer and wine do, but that is just me.  It won't eliminate the potential, but might help.
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  • EnamiEnami member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-not-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c05a1216-454a-433e-b390-92d7f4dcff0cPost:c25ea75d-d077-436a-a75b-ab68a02b9451">Re: To open the bar or not to open the bar...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't understand why drinking is such a big deal to begin with. I drink but my fiance doesn't. If you can't afford something I would just avoid it. I see nothing wrong with a cash bar or only paying so much then it's a cash bar. 
    Posted by beckys67[/QUOTE]

    I don't get this either. Must be reginonal or social class thing. FI family doesn't drink, minedoes a little. We've got a couple friends that drink, and maybe 3-5 that will get toally sh*tty given the opportunity. If we even have alcohol (beyong what's on the tables, probably wine), we're going to get a keg and probably mix up a punch bowl of some sort. Don't like what we're giving you? Bring your own damn booze! I think it's super rude that you should feel obligated to provide guests with all these options. Do what you can, and don't feel guilty. I'm also not one oppossed to cash bars. I don't feel like people should ever have to buy me drinks.
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  • I've been to all types of weddings.  One was a open bar for the first 1.5 h and then it turned into a cash bar (with wine on the tables).  We had so much fun, it was great and no one minded that it turned into a cash bar.  I went to a wedding that was open bar for the whole thing.  It was just ok as far as weddings go, I think it's the people that really make the wedding.  I also went to on that had wine on the table and two drink "tickets" that you could trade for a drink.  I was really happy with just those two drinks and the wine and I really enjoyed the wedding.  There are so many different styles and your guests are there to celebrate with and for you, don't worry TOO much about it!!  My only advice would be to not make it too complicated - keep it clear, simple, and easy to explain.
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