My cousin's fiancée wants to steal my wedding date!

Lindi3

So here's the deal. I just recently found out I was pregnant and my fiancé is very traditional so he wanted to get married ASAP so we decided to plan the wedding this month with only 3 weeks to plan. This was only supposed to be a c

Lindi3

So here's the deal. I just recently found out I was pregnant and my fiancé is very traditional so he wanted to get married ASAP so we decided to plan the wedding this month with only 3 weeks to plan. This was only supposed to be a civil ceremony but all of our close friends and family added up so we basically know this will be our only wedding. I was planning to have it at my aunts house/backyard. Her son (my cousin) is engaged as well and have been planning their wedding for months before mine, in the late summer. My uncle wanted to be my officiant so I decides to let him and we got all of our paperwork done. I was just informed last night that my cousin's fiancée wants him to marry her on that day as well since he can marry as many couples he wants that day according to his license. I think that's downright rude!! Why would she think it's okay to steal my wedding date when she has hers coming up. What's the rush now? Now my aunt (who's house im using for my wedding) is mad at me for having a problem with that!! I only have a week until my wedding. What do you make of all of this?!

Cortney1982

Your cousin's fiance is being rude, but when you have family step in and help, you give up on some of the decision making.  Just go ahead with it, everyone will know who stole your day, if this person doesn't change their mind before then.

Lindi3

You're right. If I would have known he would even think of marrying somebody else I would've hired a professional. He actually asked me and I thought I was doing him a favor. It only cost $60 to get an officiant license so it's not like she couldnt do that another day with him. She actually complained when I started planning my wedding that I was stealing her thunder( even though she's not getting married until August), so I couldnt imagine why she felt this was okay. . I have pulled a David Tutera wedding in 3 weeks. I've booked all my caterers, florists, photographer and it took effort! I only have these 3 weeks to be happy, and I've been so busy, so I don't get why people would add stress.

mizutamababy

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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My cousin's fiancée wants to steal my wedding date! : I get it.  Your cousin's fiancee is trying to steal her thunder back.  It's a grudge match.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

This, totally.

Your cousin's FI is being immature.  I imagine she's the kind of person who will get married on the same day as you to spite you, and then still plan to have her PPD in August in full faux pas glory.

Everyone will see her for what she is, even if they can't admit it to her or your face.  Just be the bigger person and try not to let it get to you, as it looks like it's too late for ya'll to back out now without inconveniencing a lot of people.

mkrupar

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[QUOTE]You're right. If I would have known he would even think of marrying somebody else I would've hired a professional. He actually asked me and I thought I was doing him a favor. It only cost $60 to get an officiant license so it's not like she couldnt do that another day with him. She actually complained when I started planning my wedding that I was stealing her thunder( even though she's not getting married until August), so I couldnt imagine why she felt this was okay. . I have pulled a David Tutera wedding in 3 weeks. I've booked all my caterers, florists, photographer and it took effort! <strong>I only have these 3 weeks to be happy, and I've been so busy, so I don't get why people would add stress.</strong>
Posted by Lindi3[/QUOTE]

I certainly hope these three weeks aren't the only three you'll be happy. You're going to be married and have a little one! There's plenty to be happy about. Focus on those things. That's what matters in the end.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-cousins-fiance-wants-to-steal-my-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0b46f1a-9bd2-4b49-b4fd-02ddad5fe1a1Post:ee8c8d45-33af-4f68-81f3-7074c7302b6f">Re: My cousin's fiancée wants to steal my wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My cousin's fiancée wants to steal my wedding date! : I get it.  Your cousin's fiancee is trying to steal her thunder back.  It's a <strong>grudge match.
</strong>Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

I've clearly spent too many hours in front of a computer screen this weekend, because I definitely misread that as "cage match."  I'm now picturing two brides in a WWE-style cage match throwing wedding-related things at each other. 

And OP, there's really nothing you can do.  It's completely immature and cousin's FI is being ridiculous (there's no reason cousin's father can't marry them in August, and is she now planning on cancelling the August wedding, or is she going to have two weddings?), but your wedding is in a week.  Could you possibly, maybe, pull off a change in venue and officiant in a week?  Sure, you could, but why give Little Miss CrazyPants that much power?  Whatever she does or doesn't do, everyone's going to be there for <em>your</em> wedding, so try not to let her get to you.

rockinwife

You may want to double check with the clerks's office. DH and I asked a friend to officiate our wedding. In Virginia, she was only allowed to perform OUR wedding ceremony. It may be the same in your state.

[Deleted User]

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[QUOTE] This was only supposed to be a civil ceremony but all of our close friends and family added up so <strong>we basically know this will be our only wedding</strong>.
Posted by Lindi3[/QUOTE]
As opposed to...?

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-cousins-fiance-wants-to-steal-my-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0b46f1a-9bd2-4b49-b4fd-02ddad5fe1a1Post:7cf0dda8-b7bf-4972-ba18-58d932883500">Re: My cousin's fiancée wants to steal my wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My cousin's fiancée wants to steal my wedding date! : As opposed to...?
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]
I guess they were planning on doing a civil ceremony and then a vow renewal.

MyNameIsNot

Why is it all on the cousin's FI?  Presumably your cousin is planning to get married to her on that date.  He is just as responsible as she is, if not more so because it is his family.  

chrmun

Really, the only way to "win" at this point is to accept averything as gracefully as possible.  Same day?  That would be lovely.  Borrow my dress?  What a splendid idea.  Take turns sitting at the head table?  Of course!  I don't know why I didn't think of that.

The more reasonable and gracious you become, the crazier she will seem.  You will totally win.

sweetcanadian1979

I would be pissed, unfortunately it seems at this point there is not much you can do. Why anyone thinks this is ok is beyond me. Your aunt is mad because you don't like someone else having to get married while you have your wedding but they have a wedding planned later in the year? Too bad you can't find a different venue & a different officiant. I would be definately phoning everywhere i could. 

jemmini6

So they are planning an August wedding, but got upset that you are getting married before them, so they want to get married the same day as you and still have their PPD in August?  Um yeah, if no one else can see how BSC they are (and I say 'they' because it takes two people to get married), then I don't think there's much you can do except go into labor on their PPD and have your water break all over her dress (ah...if only you could plan that, lol).

Lindi3

Thanks everybody. Let me clarify by saying "it's my only weeks I get to be happy" I meant that about preparing for the wedding b/c she has months to have her fun basking in the upcoming wedding while she complained about me planning a last minute wedding. And my financee and I were planning on having a big church wedding later, but as the cost of this one went up we knew the church one later on would probably be the one where there weren't a lot of guests if any. I only have a week until my wedding and just found out about this the other night and this was my way to vent. In no way am I going to give into this pettiness and try to "battle" her. I just found it crazy that anybody would be mad at me for thinking it wasnt right when I voiced my opinion. Oh well. I have far too many ppl to think about then that family. And yes, she is still planning her PPD in August at her venue, so why she had to do this is beyond me.

toothpastechica

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[QUOTE]Really, the only way to "win" at this point is to accept averything as gracefully as possible.  Same day?  That would be lovely.  Borrow my dress?  What a splendid idea.  Take turns sitting at the head table?  Of course!  I don't know why I didn't think of that. The more reasonable and gracious you become, the crazier she will seem.  You will totally win.
Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]

Definatly this! Honestly though I bet she will change her mind when she realizes that doing that way means she will have only your decorations, food, style and not hers since it is an extremely short time period. It sounds like she just wants to make it a competition, I wouldnt be suprised if she goes back to her orginal plan if you dont make it a fighting match and act excited (whether you are or not!) about the idea, because it means SHE would have to share HER day to...and it doesnt sound like shes the kinda person who is going to be thrilled about that when it comes down to it.

[Deleted User]

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[QUOTE] And my financee and I were planning on having a big church wedding later
Posted by Lindi3[/QUOTE]
This makes no sense. First of all, you can't have any kind of wedding once you're married. Also, if you feel the need to be married in the church, why not get married in a church to begin with?

JoshLovesJekka

I'd be the brat to hand her the bills for catering, flowers, ect and tell her "you want to share the day? No problem! Here's what I've paid you owe me 1/2!"

Lindi3

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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My cousin's fiancée wants to steal my wedding date! : This makes no sense. First of all, you can't have any kind of wedding once you're married. Also, if you feel the need to be married in the church, why not get married in a church to begin with?
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]



I can get married civally then have a ceremony done by the chirch( not getting married twice) so that my church recognizes it as a sacrament. I didn't want to do this because it's Lent and I didnt have time to plan. I could just wait until my baby came so that they could be there as well. Plus, there's reservations and a donation you must make, so I just decided to get married civally first.

[Deleted User]

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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My cousin's fiancée wants to steal my wedding date! :not getting married twice
Posted by Lindi3[/QUOTE]
You're the one that said "church wedding". Wedding = getting married.

Lindi3

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-cousins-fiance-wants-to-steal-my-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0b46f1a-9bd2-4b49-b4fd-02ddad5fe1a1Post:e3f24b0a-b0a2-4863-ba60-15b316c5b75d">Re: My cousin's fiancée wants to steal my wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My cousin's fiancée wants to steal my wedding date! : You're the one that said "church wedding". Wedding = getting married.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]



Excuse me. "Church Ceremony". Hope I cleared that up for you.

staceycaine

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-cousins-fiance-wants-to-steal-my-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0b46f1a-9bd2-4b49-b4fd-02ddad5fe1a1Post:455f33e2-26c7-4106-af8d-fd3424242e35">Re: My cousin's fiancée wants to steal my wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]So here's the deal. I just recently found out I was pregnant and <strong>my fiancé is very traditional </strong>so he wanted to get married ASAP so we decided to plan the wedding this month with only 3 weeks to plan. This was only supposed to be a civil ceremony but all of our close friends and family added up so we basically know this will be our only wedding. I was planning to have it at my aunts house/backyard. Her son (my cousin) is engaged as well and have been planning their wedding for months before mine, in the late summer. My uncle wanted to be my officiant so I decides to let him and we got all of our paperwork done. I was just informed last night that my cousin's fiancée wants him to marry her on that day as well since he can marry as many couples he wants that day according to his license. I think that's downright rude!! Why would she think it's okay to steal my wedding date when she has hers coming up. What's the rush now? Now my aunt (who's house im using for my wedding) is mad at me for having a problem with that!! I only have a week until my wedding. What do you make of all of this?!
Posted by Lindi3[/QUOTE]

I get where you (or he) is coming from because it's the opinion of many, but if he's really that traditional, why were you living/sleeping together in the first place? I just don't get that argument, that this is why you have to hurry to get married. That's my point. I never understood hurrying to be married before a baby is born, unless it's for an easier time getting the baby on health insurance or something. That I get. Other than that...I mean, people know you're pregnant at the time of the wedding, so...? Whatever. Your personal preference, so it makes no difference, I just don't get it.

CandiceAdam

Find a new officiant... then she will have no reason to want to be married that day. Your not losing out on that much money to find someone else.

MiksChick23

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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My cousin's fiancée wants to steal my wedding date! : I can get married civally then have a ceremony done by the chirch( not getting married twice) so that my church recognizes it as a sacrament. I didn't want to do this because it's Lent and I didnt have time to plan. I could just wait until my baby came so that they could be there as well. Plus, there's reservations and a donation you must make, so I just decided to get married civally first.
Posted by Lindi3[/QUOTE]

This would then be a "marriage blessing" and not another wedding. You don't get 2.

I'm defiitely with the PP who recommended you ask them to pay 1/2 the bill. Can't share the day and mooch off all your planning and budgeting.

brooke2h

Don't know when your due date is but it would be great if it was near the time of her wedding in August.  And the birth of your baby completely stole her thunder on her wedding day!!  :-)

aliciaclark69

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[QUOTE]I'd be the brat to hand her the bills for catering, flowers, ect and tell her "you want to share the day? No problem! Here's what I've paid you owe me 1/2!"
Posted by JoshLovesJekka[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with handing her 1/2 the bills.  Oh, and make her some chocolate chip cookies out of Ex-Lax the night before the wedding.