Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridal Party Ettiquette

I am a little less than a year away from my wedding and my sister, who is my MOH, posts on her FB that she is moving to Texas in 3 weeks. I am having 2 MOH's but she is supposed to be my right-hand man. What do I do? Do I ask her to be a bridesmaid and ask my soon to be sister-in-law/very good friend to step in or do I have her be a long distance MOH? Is that even possible?
We started dating *01/14/2002* We were engaged on *02/14/2009* Become Mrs. Klaasen *06/18/2011*

Re: Bridal Party Ettiquette

  • Of course it's possible. The MOH doesn't do anything a BM doesn't do, so "demoting" her would be offensive at best and horrifying at worst. 

    I'm a bit disturbed that you found this out through facebook, but that's neither here nor there. 

    She can probably come home to shop to dresses or she can shop in Texas based on your specifications (either tell her style numbers you like or give her a designer and color and let her go from there). 

    To be honest, she might not make your shower or bachelorette (if you have those), but that's okay. As long as she can make it to the wedding, that's what counts.
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  • Thanks for your input. That gives me another point of view.
    We started dating *01/14/2002* We were engaged on *02/14/2009* Become Mrs. Klaasen *06/18/2011*
  • Of course it's possible! My sister is my maid of honor and our wedding is in December. The only thing she has done so far is order her dress...just like the rest of the girls. I know she is helping my mother organize the shower but other than that there's not much for her to do. My fiance and I are planning our wedding, not the bridal party. Their only "job" is to show up.
  • My maid of honor was my very best friend, not my party planner. Her, and the rest of the bridesmaids chose to help me with wedding planning and throw a shower and bachelorette party...

    I was also my friends maid of honor, while I lived in Maine and her in North Carolina. Everything turned out great.

    It's about having somone special to you, not having someone be close enough to plan fabulous parties and be your wedding planner, especially if you already asked her to be your moh.

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  • My sisters are my maid and matron of honor. One lives in CA and the other in LA and I'm in TX. Its not that difficult, especially if you asked her because you love her, and not because you though she would do lots of stuff for your wedding. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-party-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c13d38b2-3d30-4d46-9f62-7ed4e59de583Post:2422f276-3b38-44af-8ff7-baeb5b2e0138">Bridal Party Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am a little less than a year away from my wedding and my sister, who is my MOH, posts on her FB that she is moving to Texas in 3 weeks. I am having 2 MOH's but she is supposed to be my right-hand man. What do I do? Do I ask her to be a bridesmaid and ask my soon to be sister-in-law/very good friend to step in or do I have her be a long distance MOH? Is that even possible?
    Posted by melissa2011[/QUOTE]


    What?? We're talking about your sister here. Why would you want to demote your own sister? Why would you want to demote anyone at all? If she tells you she doesn't want to be your MOH anymore, then that's the only reason she should stop being one. My sister is 16 and 4 hours away and she seems to be handling the MOH job quite nicely. By quite nicely, I mean, she hasn't done any planning because that's not her job. She likes to talk about the colors of the dresses because that part actually concerns her.

    I'm sure your sister wants to help you with the wedding, but wanting to say "well you moved away, you need to be a bridesmaid now." That's kind of silly.
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  • What is she supposed to do? 

    My MOH lives 3 hours away and is planning her own wedding for about 6 months after mine.  We talk on the phone, share plans, ask opinions, vent, but she isn't doing any of the planning/work for mine.  She did go dress shopping with me.  She'll help me get dressed the day of, I may ask her to do my makeup and possibly help with some last minute stuff the night before.   
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  • My MOH is in DC and I'm in Texas and she's been awesome.  I've sent her pics of dresses and other things and she's coordinating my shower long distance.  It helps to have great BMs to support.
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  • I chose my sister as my MOH because she was my right hand man when I was a kid.. and she will be my right hand man when I am going through pregnancy..when I turn 30.. 40.. 50.. 80.. I wanted to give her this recognition while I had the chance.

    Any time someone makes a comment about how much work she is expected to do for wedding planning or party planning.. I come straight to her defense.. because those aren't her responsibilities and they aren't the reason I asked her to MOH (and she is super busy.. and I want her to enjoy her life... besides the fact that she has done a ton for me)

    I am MOH for her wedding and I happen to be doing a lot.. but only because I am her sister and I want to do these things for her.  I would do them regardless of my WP title.

    I am sorry you will miss out on the bonding moments that occur during wedding planning.. and I am sorry that your friend will be living so far away.  But I am most sorry for you.. cuz you obviously can't see what is important if your response to her move is to want to demote her.. it just shows that either your friendship was never that strong.. or that you don't see the value in your friendship
  • My MoH is in another country and it's worked out just fine. 

    Base your MoH on who you are closest to emotionally, not geographically.
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  • Not a single one of my WP is local to me or to the wedding.  Since they don't have any duties, this has caused exactly zero problems.
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  • Couldn't you ask her to wait until after the wedding to move??  (I AM KIDDING)

    Ditto all PPs.
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  • My MOH is my brother who lives in AZ.  My point is not only does my MOH live far away, but it's a guy.  I picked him because he is one of the people I love most in this world and I want him up there with me.  Most likely the only thing he will be doing for my wedding is showing up and that's perfectly fine.
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  • My sister was my MOH and she was in Iraq during my whole planning process. I was SO happy that she was able to make it back for the wedding. She didn't have to do anything - I even got her dress and shoes. I was just happy she could be there.

    You picked her to be your MOH for a reason - likely because you are close and you love her. She just needs to be there for you on your wedding day. I am sure that you will find your other BMs will help if they want to. But please don't demote your sister. That never ends well.
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
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    I suspect the OP is long gone, but I'm still just floored that after finding out her sister was moving to Texas from FB (which seems crazy in its own right) this chick's first thought was "But what about my wedding!?"
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  • JenO24JenO24 member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    If your wedding is a year away why has the WP already been decided on...a lot can happen even in just a few months...like her moving.  That should stop you from having her as MOH though as many PP have said.  MOH is not required to do anything than to be standing next to you on your wedding day.  Sure, it might be nice for help here and there and she may offer to help w/ things, but is it not required that she do anthing.  It's you and your FI's wedding...not your WPs so they're not going to be consummed by it like you all will be. 

    My MOH is in town but hasn't helped me w/ anything and thats fine.  She's got her own life.  My 2 BMs are in NY and I'm in VA and they're not doing antying either.  All they've done is get dressed and I'm fine w/ that.  I dont expect them to be "wedding crazed" like I am, lol!
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  • A MOH is not a personal assistant, trainter, planner or aide.  She's the person dearest to you.  I am floored every day at the assumptions some brides make about their WP, and the assumption that they are entitled to bratty, rude, inconsiderate behavior under the guise of "but its MY special DAY." Get a clue and get a grip.

  • This statement is not directed towards or about the OP.  But do any of you feel that people hear the word bridesmaid and think that the maid part refers to them being a servant?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-party-ettiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c13d38b2-3d30-4d46-9f62-7ed4e59de583Post:87c399f6-13cf-4f1d-a836-e39605270e41">Re: Bridal Party Ettiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]Of course it's possible. The MOH doesn't do anything a BM doesn't do, so "demoting" her would be offensive at best and horrifying at worst.  <strong>I'm a bit disturbed that you found this out through facebook , but that's neither here nor there.</strong>  She can probably come home to shop to dresses or she can shop in Texas based on your specifications (either tell her style numbers you like or give her a designer and color and let her go from there).  To be honest, she might not make your shower or bachelorette (if you have those), but that's okay. As long as she can make it to the wedding, that's what counts.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    THAT disurbed me more than thinking her sister wasn't going to be around to serve her every need.
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