Wedding Etiquette Forum

Guest RSVPing more than invited

I passed out a few invitations to my coworkers.  We work in a small office so we only have a few employees.  I addressed the cards to each coworker and a guest.  One of my coworkers (who I am not really close to...invited her basically as a courtesy so she wouldn't be left out) returned her RSVP card and included herself, her date, her three children, and her date's child because she "couldn't leave him out."  I was pretty taken aback by her boldness.  My fiance is upset about this and says I need to tell her she can't bring all of the kids because they weren't invited and we are on a strict budget.  My mom, who also works in my office, thinks I should let it be.  I am concerned about the cost per plate charge and also about her children running wild.  They are ages 3 and under and not very well behaved.  There will only be a handful of children attending the wedding and they are either participating in the ceremony or are close relatives.  Everyone else is getting childcare.  Does anyone have any advice on what I should do?  I feel like I've been put in a pretty awkward spot.   I see this girl everyday and work in close quarters so I don't want to cause a big issue yet I don't feel I should have to pay for six guests when the invitation clearly indicated two.  Help!

Re: Guest RSVPing more than invited

  • pkontkpkontk member
    500 Comments
    Just take her aside and politely say "Sally, I'm so glad you and your SO Sam are able to come to the wedding!  Unfortunately, we cannot accommodate extras, so are you able to find childcare?"  Or something equally polite.  She may decline if she can't bring her kids, but I feel like if it is near where she lives she must be able to figure something out.
  • Stick to your guns and say I'm sorry but there was a miscommunication and that the invite was for just her and her date. 

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-rsvping-more-than-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1584508-64a0-4877-84ff-e4db0c8d1d4aPost:099d9739-06b6-4008-b93d-81afaee67bb2">Re: Guest RSVPing more than invited</a>:
    [QUOTE]"I'm sorry my invitation wasn't clear, but it was only meant for you and Date. FI and hope you can still make it without the kids."
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    This. If she insists that she won't come without the kids then you say "oh, that's too bad. We'll miss you." and leave it at that.
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  • egm900egm900 member
    500 Comments
    Definitely say something like what PP have suggested, if other people are finding childcare, they might be offended to see someone who you aren't close to has brought their kids.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-rsvping-more-than-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1584508-64a0-4877-84ff-e4db0c8d1d4aPost:099d9739-06b6-4008-b93d-81afaee67bb2">Re: Guest RSVPing more than invited</a>:
    [QUOTE]"I'm sorry my invitation wasn't clear, but it was only meant for you and Date. FI and hope you can still make it without the kids."
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    Agree with this. 

    I just wanted to add on the issue of cost, though, that if you end up having the kids, check with your venue about pricing for a kid's plate.  While you still have to include them in your headcount, many places discount (or might not even charge) for such young kids.  I do not think you should go this route, but it sounds like you're getting pressured from your mom, so I just wanted to throw that out there.
  • OMG, the boldness of people is astonishing. This extends beyond concern about cost, although that is a big concern but also - who wants people they did not invite involved in one of the biggest day of their lives?? Hello!!!
    Definitely, say something to her. Cannot believe she would dare to invite additional people. H*ll to the no. Be polite, despite how rude she is, and tell her no way.
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  • Maybe she didnt think she was being rude. Did your invitation clearly state "2 only?" If not, then she may have assumed that her invite was purely motivated by your interest in her coming, like she may have assumed you wanted her there since you invited her. I mean, she doesnt know she was only invited so she wouldnt be left out. 
     
    However, i completely understand about the cost! I myself am trying to cut back on my guest list and its hard! SO if I were you, I would ask to speak with her privately, explain to her that your budget is tight, that you would love it if her kids could come but its just not within the budget, and that you are sorry for any inconvenience or miscommunication.
  • Oh okay, i went back and read the part where you stated you addressed each invitation to a coworker and a guest.. oops lol...=) But yeah, everyones advice on here is good =) 

    Good Luck and I hope everything works out!
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