Wedding Etiquette Forum

Shower Woes, how to offer way out?

My wedding is 10/16/10 where I grew up, the Quad Cities (QCA, Iowa/IL border) but I now live in Chicago.  I've had several offers from people to throw me showers so I'm currently scheduled to have 3, which is excess, I know!

The mother of my FG & FB was the first to offer to throw me a shower, in Chicago and I accepted.  After talking w/some BM's we decided to do the shower the same weekend as the bachlorette party to minimize travel costs for everyone.

The second offer I had for a shower was from a long time family friend in the QCA.  I accepted the offer but then after a few months wondered if I shouldn't have because my BMs and their mom's would like to throw a shower for me, also in the QCA. We discussed the overlap of the Chicago shower and I insisted that they should not feel obligated to give a gift at each shower.

After talking w/my mom we decided we could do three showers and invite
1.Chicago: Chicago friends and family, BMs
2.Family friend: invite family friends and local relatives
3. BMs/moms; invite all BMs, their moms and local friends

Our family friend has not communicated with me for about 2 months, in this time she's become the grandmother (first time) of 2 children (her daughters were both pregnant at the same time).  She's very involved in their lives and doesn't answer my calls or emails.  I totally understand that she's super busy with them and wonder if there's a polite way to ask her if she's still interested in throwing the shower and/or to tell her I understand if she's too busy to commit to it w/her new grandchildren?

Re: Shower Woes, how to offer way out?

  • If it were me, I would probably just let the other people go ahead and plan the QCA shower and just drop it with this woman.  You've tried calling and e-mailing and she's not getting back to you.  If she does end up getting a hold of you and asks about the shower, you can just tell her that you had never heard back from her and BMs/Moms offered to throw one, so you went that route.  I think if she really wanted to do it, she'd at least return your calls or e-mails.
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  • I'd wait for her to bring it up.  I don't think there's any polite way to ask someone if they're throwing a shower for you.  Besides, 2 showers is more than enough.
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