Wedding Day

minitchbride

I don't have a typical relationship with my mother and father. So I am starting to wonder about day of stuff. There is usually a father daughter dance...I do not want to dance with my father. I know he is going to pull the teary eyed father thing, which might fool everyone else but not me. He doesn't really care like that. Our daughter is going to walk me down the isle. Do you thing this is going to cause a stir with the guests or be normal for our situation. I don't want to flaunt my non relationship with my father but I really don't want to pretend like everythings roses either. Because I don't want a father daughter dance does this mean I should bypass other traditional dances? mother son dance? my FMIL understands the situation and says she will just dance with him without it being annonced. her suggestion, not mine. I think it is really nice of her to be so understanding. Our there other traditions that I haven't thought of where I might need to plan head for including the brides mother and father?

morrisonFTW

I think that as long as you don't draw attention to it, nobody is going to care.

AbbeyS2011

Maybe you should just forgo the traditional dances other than your first one as husband and wife.  That will deter from the side eye about why you are not having a father/daughter or mother/son dance. 

As far as your daughter escorting you down the aisle, that is your decision.  In the program, list her as "Bride's Escort". 

[Deleted User]

How old is your daughter?

Could you just walk down the aisle alone or with your husband to be?

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c22b21ea-7350-420a-b019-7a1ae62a5decPost:5325c270-9b38-453c-a15f-5a3d3ea47aa0">Wedding Day</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't have a typical relationship with my mother and father. So I am starting to wonder about day of stuff. There is usually a father daughter dance...I do not want to dance with my father. I know he is going to pull the teary eyed father thing, which might fool everyone else but not me. He doesn't really care like that. Our daughter is going to walk me down the isle. Do you thing this is going to cause a stir with the guests or be normal for our situation. I don't want to flaunt my non relationship with my father but I really don't want to pretend like everythings roses either. Because I don't want a father daughter dance does this mean I should bypass other traditional dances? mother son dance? my FMIL understands the situation and says she will just dance with him without it being annonced. her suggestion, not mine. I think it is really nice of her to be so understanding. Our there other traditions that I haven't thought of where I might need to plan head for including the brides mother and father?
Posted by minitchbride[/QUOTE]

<div>Have your daughter walk you, and just avoid the other dances.  If you don't make a big deal out of it nobody else will, and will be happy they don't have to sit through the dances. </div>

hlq2011

My FMIL was concerned about doing a mother/son dance because my dad has passed away, but I told her and FI to do it if they want either way.  People know that my dad has passed, so they'll understand why there is no Father/Daughter dance.

They may wonder if you have a mother/son dance and no father/daughter, though, since your father is in the picture.  I don't think most people would care either way, though.

quirky75

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c22b21ea-7350-420a-b019-7a1ae62a5decPost:cdfde947-e9fa-41db-9eb8-75c4a7a2a8c8">Re: Wedding Day</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that as long as you don't draw attention to it, nobody is going to care.
Posted by morrisonFTW[/QUOTE]

This. Do what's right for you and your situation. The Father-Daughter/Mother-Son dances are not mandatory. It's nice that your FMIL is understanding about it!

achiduck

I think having your daughter walk you down the aisle is perfectly fine and actually quite sweet. I think if you don't make a big deal of it then no one else will either.

minitchbride

She will be 3 just after the wedding. So I think that she is going to want to walk with me anyways because she gets alittle shy infront of alot of people. I thought about walking down with my FH but I really want that moment when we see eachother for the first time as I walk towards him.

FutureMrsTR

aisle

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c22b21ea-7350-420a-b019-7a1ae62a5decPost:4c760e38-cab1-493b-a226-f120b7a86443">Re: Wedding Day</a>:
[QUOTE]She will be 3 just after the wedding. So I think that she is going to want to walk with me anyways because she gets alittle shy infront of alot of people. I thought about walking down with my FH but I really want that moment when we see eachother for the first time as I walk towards him.
Posted by minitchbride[/QUOTE]

Aww, that is such a fun age.

Like the others said, I wouldn't worry about the dances. Don't mention it and people won't ask. These days, couples often opt out of the dances and some of the more traditional things anyway. I wouldn't worry about it.

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c22b21ea-7350-420a-b019-7a1ae62a5decPost:eb38661f-4a83-45e4-9aaa-020323ec071e">Re: Wedding Day</a>:
[QUOTE]aisle
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

Thank you.

OP -- I'm more of a fan of you walking down the aisle alone than being given away by your father or your daughter.  But no matter how you choose to process, every variation under the sun has been done and should not cause a stir.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c22b21ea-7350-420a-b019-7a1ae62a5decPost:8b1c7421-079a-49f4-b431-c61440c65903">Re: Wedding Day</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Day : Thank you. OP -- I'm more of a fan of you walking down the aisle alone than being given away by your father or your daughter.  But no matter how you choose to process, every variation under the sun has been done and should not cause a stir.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

I'm not sure if anyone will see it as the OP being given away by her 3-yo daughter (it's not like the OP is going to stop living with her daughter and start a new life), and I didn't see that as how the OP intends it to be seen.  I don't like the whole "given away" idea that much generally speaking.  At some point, it's just a person that's special to you walking with you down the aisle.

ETA: And I agree with you and PPs that said as long as you don't make a big deal about some deviation from what your guests might expect, it won't cause a big stir. 

ajroark

I think it will be cute and more meaningful to have your daughter walk you down the aisle. If it was anyone else other than your daughter (i.e. your mom, brother, etc), people may wonder why your father isn't doing it, but since it's your daughter, I don't think people would think twice about it.

amc80

It's your wedding, do what you want. Even if it creates a stir among the guests...who cares?

tpender13

My SIL doesn't have a great relationship w/my FIL (her dad) but she's very close to H (her brother) -- she had him walk her down the aisle instead. It was fine.

I say, just do what you and your FI are comfortable with.

noodle_oo

No one will notice.  Even if they did, who cares?  I walked myself down the aisle (the whole giving away thing bothered me) and we skipped both parent's dances.  I do think that if you don't dance wth your dad, you should skip both and it is nice that your FMIL is okay with that.  Just do your own first dance (if you want to) and forget the rest.  I think people would actually rather enjoy the party than watch a lot of these dances anyway. I"ve been to weddings with like 10 "special dances" and I just find them annoying.

minitchbride

yay!! thank you all for your responses. We will have our special first dance and that will be all. And you are right, it is annoying to have to watch a million special dances anyway. Our daughter is going to walk me down the aisle and it will be lovely.