Wedding Etiquette Forum

is it

is it rude, i come from a very large family, (my moms side alone is 73 people and thats not to include my step dads family (he's 1 of 5) and my real dads family (he's also 1 of 5 children))I'm the youngest of 3 and my immediate family is ten people not to mention two aunts and two cousins i'm close to. I don't want my wedding to be full of people who I haven't talked to in years and who have not been nice to me in the past. is it rude for us to have a small wedding and reception and then have a larger party later, so I can have my dream wedding and reception and then can worry about everything else another day?

Re: is it

  • Why would you want to have the huge party later?  I don't get it.
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  • It's not necessarily rude but it's also not necessary at all.  Just have the small wedding and reception that you want to have and don't worry about a larger party down the road.  Let your family throw a family reunion if that's what they want, but that's not what weddings are all about.

    I say save yourself the trouble and just have the smaller wedding you already know you want to have.
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  • salt78salt78 member
    5000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2b8fdab-90de-4b71-924b-eba02d7ab7ffPost:11a40955-b80b-47c5-a09c-ccdf6ee1fd6e">is it</a>:
    [QUOTE]is it rude, i come from a very large family, (my moms side alone is 73 people and thats not to include my step dads family (he's 1 of 5) and my real dads family (he's also 1 of 5 children))I'm the youngest of 3 and my immediate family is ten people not to mention two aunts and two cousins i'm close to. I don't want my wedding to be full of people who I haven't talked to in years and who have not been nice to me in the past. is it rude for us to have a small wedding and reception and then have a larger party later, so I can have my dream wedding and reception and then can worry about everything else another day?
    Posted by LindsayB2217[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>No it's not okay. Just keep it to the smaller wedding and reception. 

    </div>
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  • I'm confused. Doesn't it make things more complicated doing it twice?
    It's not rude to have a small wedding but you're going to confuse people by having another wedding later when you're already married.
    This really only works when you have a DW and then come home for an AHR.
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  • i come from a very large family, (my moms side alone is 73 people and thats not to include my step dads family (he's 1 of 5) and my real dads family (he's also 1 of 5 children))I'm the youngest of 3 and my immediate family is ten people not to mention two aunts and two cousins i'm close to.

    Holy run-on sentence.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c2b8fdab-90de-4b71-924b-eba02d7ab7ffPost:11a40955-b80b-47c5-a09c-ccdf6ee1fd6e">is it</a>:
    [QUOTE]is it rude, i come from a very large family, (my moms side alone is 73 people and thats not to include my step dads family (he's 1 of 5) and my real dads family (he's also 1 of 5 children))I'm the youngest of 3 and my immediate family is ten people not to mention two aunts and two cousins i'm close to. I don't want my wedding to be full of people who I haven't talked to in years and who have not been nice to me in the past. <strong>is it rude for us to have a small wedding and reception and then have a larger party later, so I can have my dream wedding and reception and then can worry about everything else another day?</strong>
    Posted by LindsayB2217[/QUOTE]

    Ok, the bit I highlighted is the problematic part. That is really rude.

    You do NOT have to invite every member of your family to your wedding, it's perfectly fine to only invite immediate family (parents, siblings, grandparents) and then any other relatives you see/speak with regularly. That's fine.

    I'm not entirely sure why you want to have a second party? Do you want to wear your dress again and be the bride for this party? Do you expect gifts?  Because if you answered yes to either of these questions, you've got problems.

    Why not just invite the people who mean the most to you and your Fi and go from there- especially if you're paying for the wedding, people will understand you cannot invite everyone. Just be prepared that if you slight aunts/uncles it could damage the relationship for good. If they're people who 'have been mean to you' in the past, this maybe is not a problem.
  • I don't understand why you feel the need to throw the big party if that isn't what you want.

    A small wedding is perfectly fine.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • It's certainly not ideal.  Just stick with the smaller wedding.  Invite the people you want to have there, and if the rest ask, just say you kept it very small but would be happy to meet them for lunch after you're back from the honeymoon.
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  • cenglecengle member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    Just have the small wedding and reception you want.  Let someone else handle the family reunion another day--that's not wedding related.
  • Are you going invite the same people to the wedding and the big party? Why would you ask them to celebrate the same thing with you twice?
    And the whole time, my future husband was in the room...... image image
  • It's more of my mom, she thinks all the family needs to be there since they were at my brother and sisters wedding. I wouldn't wear the wedding dress and we do NOT expect gifts. I personally don't want to have it at all, but she's insisting i invite all 73 members of her family. 
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