XP-Rehearsal Dinner?

radleyboo

My wedding is in just over 90 days and I feel like everything is coming together really well.  FI and I are footing the bill for the whole enchilada, and we've done quite well sticking to our budget and setting money aside as we've needed to. 

Then the other day, it hits me.  We need to pay for a rehearsal dinner!  Ack!  Truth is, I completely forgot about this part of the wedding!  (I'm a second time bride and probably laid back to a fault this time around...)

We are having a very small wedding, about 50 guests, 2 attendants each, and 4 kids.   Even though it's small, we will need to rehearse to make sure everything runs smoothly, I'm not willing to just wing it the day of. 

I'd been thinking of asking FMIL if we could head to her condo, which is nearby the wedding site, after the rehearsal and simply put some burgers on the grill with salads, etc. FI and I would foot the bill for the food, drinks, paper goods, and cutlery, I don't want FMIL to fuss.  Most importantly, I don't feel right about asking our WP to give up their time for a rehearsal and then not provide them a nice meal after, even if it's just casual burgers on the grill.

I spoke to my mom about this and she said that instead of 'putting FMIL out' we can just 'all go out to dinner afterward and everyone can pay for themselves'.  I know she's trying to be gracious and lift this burden for us and FMIL, but I don't feel right about that.  Is that even an option?

Give me some ideas girls, I'm open to anything.  Thanks!

AddieCake

You can't ask everyone to pay for themselves. If you don't want to "put FMIL out," you can still go out for a relatively inexpensive RD. My husband and I paid for ours at Pizza Hut and it only cost a couple hundred bucks.

Salsera29

I'm pretty sure having everyone pay for themselves is not an option. If you have a rehearsal you need to "host" a dinner, which means paying. Burgers in the backyard is completely fine!

erinlin25

do not make them pay for the rehearsal dinner.  Have FI talk to his mom.  Maybe your mom thinks it would be a burden, but maybe his mom will be all for it.  Especially with a small group and if you and FI offer to cover the cost and clean up it should not be much of a burden--but that is up to her to decide.  Feel out the situation and go from there.  Sounds like a nice & relaxing rehearsal dinner!  Other options that can be affordable-friendly would be pizza. .  As long as you host something you are good to go. 

A friend of mine did not have a rehearsal or dinner, but it was an option if people wanted to get together the night before we could.  The girls had planned on meeting up for mani/pedi's anyway, so went to dinner afterwards and the groom and a few of the groomsman met up.  We paid for ourselves (we treated the bride/groom), and that was fine since it was not a "reheasal dinner."

Maggie0829

If you have a rehearsal you need to host something afterwards and no it is not ok for your guests to pay for themselves.

I would go the simple route like you suggested.  You certainly do not need anything elaborate.  But I would be hesitant about asking your FMIL about using her place as the eating location.  Even though you and your FI would be footing the bill she will still have to make her place presentable and "host" people.

Is there a pizza place nearby?  Can you host people at your own home?

Honestly, you really don't need a rehearsal.  A quick discussion with everyone about what they will be doing that day should suffice.

radleyboo

Thanks girls, I appreciate your thoughts.  We do need to have a rehearsal because our 4 young children are involved in the ceremony.  If it was just adults, I wouldn't worry about it.  I'll talk with FI about what he wants to do tonight.  We won't let our guests go hungry! 

OwningAHome1981

FWIW i have never been to a rehearsal dinner where we actually rehearsed. Usually its just a small dinner where everyone socializes and the bride and groom give out their bm and gm gifts. I have always done the rehearsal the day of.

efmcc67

I went to a great RD a couple years ago. They rented an enclosure in a park, and did a cook out there. That way, no one was put out. 

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-rehearsal-dinner-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c3132cfe-20ff-4ca1-8ba4-224264d6e8fePost:80a49b64-97dc-401e-99a9-be386f238b9f">Re:XPRehearsal Dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]FWIW i have never been to a rehearsal dinner where we actually rehearsed. Usually its just a small dinner where everyone socializes and the bride and groom give out their bm and gm gifts. I have always done the rehearsal the day of.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

really? Every wedding I know of has had a rehearsal the night before with a dinner. People are usually all over the day of the wedding so not sure how that would even work, esp regarding bride and groom not seeing each other

Pookieson

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-rehearsal-dinner-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c3132cfe-20ff-4ca1-8ba4-224264d6e8fePost:80a49b64-97dc-401e-99a9-be386f238b9f">Re:XPRehearsal Dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]FWIW i have never been to a rehearsal dinner where we actually rehearsed. Usually its just a small dinner where everyone socializes and the bride and groom give out their bm and gm gifts. I have always done the rehearsal the day of.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Never heard of this.  Ever.  We are doing dinner at our venue with the rehearsal there the night before after 5 pm so no one has to take the day off.  If you do a rehearsal, you should provide dinner.  It can be burgers, pizza, whatever.  My good friend got married and then took us all to dinner and then didn't foot the bill, the other bridesmaids still talk about her (her venue was two hours away, so they were a little perturbed)

Knottie_22382251

I would think it would be acceptable to do either a casual home cooked or BBQ meal or go out and have people pay for themselves. If you treat it as a "hey, we are all together, let's get some dinner afterwards" I would think since the rehearsal is usually your very closest friends and family, they would understand and would have no problem with whatever situation you come up with. People who think putting big money into treating everyone to fancy meals two days in a row are missing the point of what the day is about, I think. Tranditionally the father's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner, but since that isn't happening, I think your parents and wedding party will understand helping out for the night before. We treated our rehearsal dinner as a casual get together for everyone to hang out and get to know eachother and talk about all the excitement of the next day- and it was a great time.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-rehearsal-dinner-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c3132cfe-20ff-4ca1-8ba4-224264d6e8fePost:2ac7eba4-c5c8-400d-b811-71b7c7ab4c1f">Re:XPRehearsal Dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:XPRehearsal Dinner? : Never heard of this.  Ever.  We are doing dinner at our venue with the rehearsal there the night before after 5 pm so no one has to take the day off.  If you do a rehearsal, you should provide dinner.  It can be burgers, pizza, whatever.  My good friend got married and then took us all to dinner and then didn't foot the bill, the other bridesmaids still talk about her (her venue was two hours away, so they were a little perturbed)
Posted by Shannon1401[/QUOTE]

The majority of weddings I have been to were jewish ones. I dunno, it seems weird, right?, but that's how it has always been for every rehearsal dinner I went to. All the wedding parties I was in the B&G also saw eachother beforehand too. (We are as well b/c we don't want to miss out cocktail hour!)