SOs at the head table...

penguingal06

I know a lot of people have very strong opinions on this topic and I found this question posted at the Emily Post Institute website. Emily Post, and by extension, the Emily Post Institute has been a defining voice in etiquette.

So, it is nice to know, for those of us for whom space is limited for a head table and for whom a sweetheart table is not an option, that we are still well within the bounds of proper etiquette!

The following was taken from the Emily Post Institute website:

Good afternoon,
I am wondering what the current standard is for head tables at weddings. Is it appropriate to just include the bridal party, or should an invitation be extended to their spouses and dates? Thank you for your advice!

Response from Emily Post Institute:  It would be best to seat couples together, but if space prohibits it, make sure the spouse or s.o. not at the head table is seated with someone interesting they will enjoy dining with. And, if at all possible, be sure they are invited to the rehearsal dinner, too.

Nebb

We had a 3 person BP so we had the SO's at the head table. I liked it like that.

ricksang

Do you have a question?

penguingal06

Nope, just offering a bit of advice/wisdom that I picked up as a result of reading other threads on this forum. Is it mandatory to have a question when beginning a thread?

laurenclaire1386

Just because Emily Post says it doesn't change the fact that I don't want to sit with strangers at dinner at an event where I know no one but FI. Emily Post or not, it makes me uncomfortable, and it would make me think the bride is a beyotch. Why isn't a sweetheart table an option? It's always an option.

Glad you could come in and be all self righteous whilst sucking Emily Post's proverbial diick.

penguingal06

Wow, thank you for your opinion laurenclaire. It is refreshing to know that manners are still a priority on the etiquette forum.

ricksang

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sos-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c64616f5-ae59-4c48-8bdc-39b8caaea992Post:59a8a041-4817-446c-9d91-14698b1c21b8">Re: SOs at the head table...</a>:
[QUOTE]Nope, just offering a bit of advice/wisdom that I picked up as a result of reading other threads on this forum. Is it mandatory to have a question when beginning a thread?
Posted by penguingal06[/QUOTE]

Yes. J/K. I just did not know if you forgot the question or not.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sos-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c64616f5-ae59-4c48-8bdc-39b8caaea992Post:9974f539-4281-4082-80b2-2f278df02079">Re: SOs at the head table...</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, thank you for your opinion laurenclaire. It is refreshing to know that manners are still a priority on the etiquette forum. :)
Posted by penguingal06[/QUOTE]
Yes, I have a sailor's mouth, but my point is, I don't throw a party, invite couples, then tell one half of the couple they have to sit across the room from one another during dinner because it's MY party and Emily Post says it's ok.

dmbdbk

The last wedding I was in had a head table and the SOs were seated separately. I love my friend, but I would have preferred sitting with my FI (who didn't know anyone else at the wedding). Instead I only sat next to one of the other bridesmaid's who I had met for the first time a few months before the wedding. I'm not saying all head tables are bad, but it seems like even if SOs were seated at the head table that it would be hard to hold a conversation with anyone other than who you are directly seated next too. My FI is now dead set against head tables though and we will probably do a sweetheart table.

Mrs_AF

We're having a sweetheart table, and then have two tables right next to us for the bridal party and their SO's.

september's bride

Do your tables in a way that works for everyone. We had a head table, but SOs sat together if they were in the wedding party, and the others all sat together at the table next to us. We've all been friends for like, 10 years, so nobody had any awkwardness at the tables.

Shawnee11507

Our tables seat 6. I could do a long table, but we each have 6 attendants and it would get ridiculous with or without their SOs, so I decided our table will just be FI and I, MOH & SO, Best Man and SO.

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sos-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c64616f5-ae59-4c48-8bdc-39b8caaea992Post:fbed65fe-2089-4405-8eed-f076d8e0087b">SOs at the head table...</a>:
[QUOTE]I know a lot of people have very strong opinions on this topic and I found this question posted at the Emily Post Institute website. Emily Post, and by extension, the Emily Post Institute has been a defining voice in etiquette. So, it is nice to know, for those of us for whom space is limited for a head table and for whom a sweetheart table is not an option, that we are still well within the bounds of proper etiquette! The following was taken from the Emily Post Institute website: Good afternoon, I am wondering what the current standard is for head tables at weddings. Is it appropriate to just include the bridal party, or should an invitation be extended to their spouses and dates? Thank you for your advice! Response from Emily Post Institute:  It would be best to seat couples together, but if space prohibits it, <strong>make sure the spouse or s.o. not at the head table is seated with someone interesting they will enjoy dining with</strong>. And, if at all possible, be sure they are invited to the rehearsal dinner, too.
Posted by penguingal06[/QUOTE]

and the point most of us make over and over is that often times the only person a SO does feel comfortable to dine with is their date in the WP. It is really not for us to judge that but rather to make them as comfortable as possible.

Becky&Chris

Pretty much every wedding I've been to recently, there have been multiple tables for the wedding party, with the bride and groom either having a sweetheart table or sitting with the MOH, BM, and their dates, and having the other BMs and GM sit at tables close by with their dates. I just don't see why that is so difficult.

On the flip side, my FI was in a wedding and I had to sit separately from him, and it wasn't really a big deal for me because I'm not shy, and when open bar is involved I'm really not shy, but I still think it's a little rude to assume everyone would be comfortable with that. Does the desire to have one head table really outweigh the desire to make your guests comfortable?

jnic0319

Sorry I don't care what Emily Post says, I hate sitting by myself staring at my FI across the ballroom at a wedding.  Pisses me off.

tlv204

Honestly I don't think H would be a groomsman in a wedding for anyone that I don't already know, so I don't think it would be an issue since I would always know at least a few other people there.

sarah0725

Whatever any etiquette honcho says, I think that splitting the WP members up from their SOs is kind of inhumane. I'd never put appearances over the comfort of my nearest and dearest.

And I think we're going to do a sweetheart and then walk around and do table visits. We're hoping to have at least ten minutes where we can actually eat food.

brookelynpaisley

We didn't want a sweetheart table because it would have put us on display. We sat with our MOH and Best Man (our siblings) and their significant others at the "head table," and the rest of our bridal party sat among our guests with their SOs. I feel like we had the best of both worlds and no one had to sit alone.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'd be interested to know what other etiquette sources say about this.

FWIW, we're doing a sweetheart table with the WP split up among the rest of the tables, seated with their friends and family.

prideeinpynk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sos-head-table?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c64616f5-ae59-4c48-8bdc-39b8caaea992Post:fbed65fe-2089-4405-8eed-f076d8e0087b">SOs at the head table...</a>:
[QUOTE]Response from Emily Post Institute:  It would be best to seat couples together, but if space prohibits it, make sure the spouse or s.o. not at the head table is seated with someone interesting they will enjoy dining with. <strong>And, if at all possible, be sure they are invited to the rehearsal dinner, too.</strong>
Posted by penguingal06[/QUOTE]

From now on, I'll know not to listen to anything the "Emily Post Institute" has to say because this is BS advice. "If at all possible" make sure they're invited to the RD? I've never heard of NOT inviting them. It is always possible! Unless you're a princess and HAVE to do something just beyond you budget.