Inviting family from back east...how do you do it?

nicolelovesjosh

My parents are thinking of calling some of our family members back east to see if they would really come to our wedding in AZ.  There are quite a few that probably won't make, but we don't want to send them an invitation and have them feel obligated to send a gift...especially since I haven't since most of them since I was a kid.  But my parents don't want to offend anyone by not sending an invitation.  Is it a good idea or a bad idea to call and see if they really can make it?
...then if they say no, they are not offended since we thought of them and they don't have to send a gift since they won't get a formal invite...does that sound like proper etiquette? 
Thanks!!

KellyLovesJames

I'm in Texas and all most all of my family (close and extended) is back in PA.

I'm sending everyone an invitation even though I know they won't attend.  I just didn't want anyone to think I left them out or they weren't worth an invitation.

I'm not expecting gifts from anyone either... I just wanted them to know they were invited.

pooh8402

if you want them to come to the wedding, send an invite.

if you don't want them to come, don't send an invite. if you MUST send them something, send a wedding announcement after the fact.

and just because one gets a wedding invitation, they are under NO OBLIGATION to get you a gift. invite =/= demand for gift.

and I'm sending invites to people that I know won't attend, because I actually do want them there. my cousin will be in Afghanistan at the time of my wedding, but he's still getting an invite because I want him and his wife there, although I know they can't come (the wife won't without him because she barely knows me, and doesn't know the family).

ac_in_dc

I wouldn't feel gift grabby about sending them an invite.

They don't have to send you a gift if you invite them, and they can also just send you a token. If your family would like to maintain a relationship with these folks in some form, I think it's totally cool to invite them.

squirrly

Send the invites to anyone you would honestly like to have attend.  They may or may not send a gift - their choice.

SaraAndrew2010

I think its nice to send an invitation even if you are not sure they will come.  If these are people you think might be interested in your wedding, I don't think it is too gift grabby to send them an invitation.  If they want to attend they'll come, if they don't then they won't. 

Even if they can't make it, I think most relatives would appreciate the invitation. Calling them and asking them if they want an invite might come across as pressuring them one way or the other. Overall, I think it is more polite to send the invite and let them decide if they want to attend/send a gift.

betrothed123

Send them the invite and let them decide how to handle it.  They are not obligated ot send a gift upon receipt of an invite, so don't worry about it.

lovemygrandkids

When my son and daughter-in-law were married two years ago they invited family who lived thousands of miles away.  We were all delighted to welcome family who travelled from western Canada to Central Canada and from Britain to Canada. 

It was never considered that the invitations were extended for gifts, but we truly wanted them to feel they were welcome to share in a happy occasion.  Family members who couldn't come from those distances sent gifts with the family who could travel that far.  Although gifts were not expected it was very touching that they cared enough to send their good wishes and some wanted the couple to have something from them that would be treasured throughout their life together.

The family who could come were representatives for those who couldn't. 

We were very happy that invitations were sent to them and didn't make the decision for them, because then we would not have had the pleasure of their company and happy wishes from those who couldn't make it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

We are 100% sure FI's grandmother will not be able to attend from out of state, but she (and the family) would be really offended to not even get an invitation.

skippylouwho

Inviting family from back east...how do you do it?

I dunno, smoke signals always seemed to work well for us.

Honestly?  Mail an invitation to them, their adults, they'll figure it out. If they want to come they will. If the don't, they won't. If they like you enough they will send a gift and if they don't like you very much then they won't.

Pretty straight forward.