HELP! How do I tell a friend he's not invited to wedding?

jdmusat

I "dated" this friend 6 years ago, before I even met my fiance. Before FI and friend met, I told FI about my past with this friend. For the past 3 years FI has hated this friend and told me yesterday just how much (a lot!) and that he doesn't want this friend at the wedding. FI is so adamant about this 1 thing that I feel I should not invite this friend. And if it was the other way around, I would be super pissed.
So how do I tell this friend he isn't invited but all our other friends are?

achiduck

Has your friend done anything to insult/upset your FI? Or is your FI just anti-exes at weddings?

Have you told him/impled already that he is invited? As long as you haven't I would just not send him and invite and make sure that you're not dicussing the wedding around him.

MyUserName1

You don't need to tell him.

Just don't invite him.

If he asks stick with "Unfortunately we were unable to invite everyone we wished to" and don't add that you didn't wish to invite him.

Grits8812

Just don't send him a STD or an invitation.  He will get the hint.  Just make sure if you still talk to him, to not talk wedding.

DodgersBride

You don't tell him anything and just not send him an invitation.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-friend-hes-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c672960c-fc92-4752-bc68-228b1b109370Post:7b9a3fe3-d903-421c-9746-bd2e14921984">HELP! How do I tell a friend he's not invited to wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I "dated" this friend 6 years ago, before I even met my fiance. Before FI and friend met, I told FI about my past with this friend. For the past 3 years FI has hated this friend and told me yesterday just how much (a lot!) and that he doesn't want this friend at the wedding. FI is so adamant about this 1 thing that I feel I should not invite this friend. And if it was the other way around, I would be super pissed. So how do I tell this friend he isn't invited but all our other friends are?
Posted by jdmusat[/QUOTE]

Why is <strong>dated</strong> in quotation marks?

banana468

Is there a reason your FI feels this way??

eorea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-friend-hes-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c672960c-fc92-4752-bc68-228b1b109370Post:3b1f4167-7cb3-4f0b-b467-687179efc41f">Re: HELP! How do I tell a friend he's not invited to wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't need to tell him. Just don't invite him. If he asks stick with "Unfortunately we were unable to invite everyone we wished to" and don't add that you didn't wish to invite him.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

<div>This! </div><div>
</div><div>I'm also with Edie wondering why your FI hates this friend so much. Is there another reason or is it just because you dated?</div>

DodgersBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-friend-hes-not-invited-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c672960c-fc92-4752-bc68-228b1b109370Post:ab372ed3-ca21-43fc-b81f-3e04c4cb10fc">Re: HELP! How do I tell a friend he's not invited to wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to HELP! How do I tell a friend he's not invited to wedding? : Why is dated in quotation marks?
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

Friends with benefits? Maybe "dated" sounds better than fuuck buddies in her head.

RaptorSLH

I'd be a bit worried about FI's reaction to this scenario.  Is this a sign of broader unaddressed jealosy issues, or does he have a special reason for reacting this way to this ex?

Birdie1483

Definitely don't make a point to tell him he's specifically not invited to the wedding. A friend did this to me, and it was NOT fun to hear.

I"m also wondering why your FI had such a strong reaction.

jdmusat

The dated is in " " because we didn't really date... more of a ver short lived friends with benefits. FI doesn't like him for this reason alone... its a jealousy thing I think. He isn't usually a jealous person. There might be something else about this friend that FI doesn't like but I don't know what it is.

mandy270

I don't think he is in the wrong for responding this way. I wouldn't want any of my FI's exes at the wedding. Even if it was just a fling.

EmIuliana

 As a possible answer to your question dear jdmusat, I really think that you need to think just how "important" is this friend in the wedding. Does he have a life partner or girlfriend whom is a friend of yours? If the situation stands in this way, I think you really should talk to your fiance and explain to him that you can't avoid inviting him to the wedding. It's indeed an embarrassing situation and sensitive in the same time, but think of the aspect suggested by me! Have a nice day!