Wedding Etiquette Forum

she has invited herself to our wedding

Please help!
Our wedding is next weekend - one week away. My fiance called me tonight to tell me that one of his friends just today told him that her ex-sister-in-law wants to come to our wedding (and bring her 10 year old daughter). He says he'd like to tell her she can come to the ceremony and is asking me whether we can accommodate her (and the daughter) there and at the reception. He says that although they have been out of touch for a while (I think it must be at least 2-3 years), he thinks this is a nice way to get back in touch. He's sort of leaving it up to me. I think it's pretty bad form to ask your ex-relative to ask a groom you haven't even spoken with in at least two years if you and your daughter can attend their wedding. This aside, I am sure that we could make the room to have them attend. We have each made some last minute invites, so this is not really the issue. Our last minute invites were people we had regretted not originally inviting. This woman is someone I haven't even thought about for a very long time. I've only met her maybe a couple of times. I wasn't even sure how close my fiance felt to her, so I had to ask whether he even felt friends with her at the time they were in the same circle. He says he did feel friends then. When I did know her, I remember not even really liking her (remember - she is the kind of person who invites herself to someone's wedding that she hasn't been in contact with for at least two years and barely knows the bride). My question is what's the polite thing to do - should we invite her? And if so, to the ceremony only or to both (they are in different locations). I kind of have the feeling that he may be leaning towards inviting her but I would really rather not. How awkward!

Re: she has invited herself to our wedding

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_she-invited-herself-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6fd6cb5-d5a6-495c-b4d0-95e4d24fb39fPost:b229adcf-8cef-4509-b579-fb48549f7ae7">she has invited herself to our wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Please help! Our wedding is next weekend - one week away. My fiance called me tonight to tell me that one of his friends just today told him that her ex-sister-in-law wants to come to our wedding (and bring her 10 year old daughter). He says he'd like to tell her she can come to the ceremony and is asking me whether we can accommodate her (and the daughter) there and at the reception. He says that although they have been out of touch for a while (I think it must be at least 2-3 years), he thinks this is a nice way to get back in touch. He's sort of leaving it up to me. I think it's pretty bad form to ask your ex-relative to ask a groom you haven't even spoken with in at least two years if you and your daughter can attend their wedding. This aside, I am sure that we could make the room to have them attend. We have each made some last minute invites, so this is not really the issue. Our last minute invites were people we had regretted not originally inviting. This woman is someone I haven't even thought about for a very long time. I've only met her maybe a couple of times. I wasn't even sure how close my fiance felt to her, so I had to ask whether he even felt friends with her at the time they were in the same circle. He says he did feel friends then. When I did know her, I remember not even really liking her (remember - she is the kind of person who invites herself to someone's wedding that she hasn't been in contact with for at least two years and barely knows the bride). My question is what's the polite thing to do - should we invite her? And if so, to the ceremony only or to both (they are in different locations). I kind of have the feeling that he may be leaning towards inviting her but I would really rather not. How awkward!
    <p>Posted by holteaj[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>The polite thing in this situation would be for her not to have made a request to come to your wedding in the first place... that just seems really bizarre. Personally, I'd pass on the message to her that given how close the event is, you're unable to accommodate her and her daughter. </p>
  • edited April 2010
    Yeah... it's definietle perfectly etiquette approved for you to say it simply isn't doable.
  • Don't invite them.  Tell them your final numbers are in with the caterer and the venue and that unfortunately, you can't accommodate them.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • If your FI would like her to attend and you have room, invite her. You will be so busy on that day you will hardly notice her.

    I would not invite her to attend only one portion of the wedding (the ceremony) and not the other (the reception).

    There's an old saying..."Err on the side of kindness". If it's not going to hurt you in any way, why not extend the olive branch? It will make your FI happy and you come out looking like a gracious hostess. Win/Win.
  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited April 2010
     [QUOTE]he thinks this is a nice way to get back in touch.[/QUOTE]
    You're going to be so busy at the wedding, that you're not going to be able to spend time with her to catch up.  Make dinner plans with her instead.

    [QUOTE]There's an old saying..."Err on the side of kindness". If it's not going to hurt you in any way, why not extend the olive branch? It will make your FI happy and you come out looking like a gracious hostess. Win/Win. [/QUOTE]

    I agree with this to an extent.  Yes, erring on the side of kindness is a good rule of thumb by which to live.  However, in this situation, the guest in question is <u>asking</u> to be invited.  I think by saying, "Sure, no problem",  B&G would look more like doormats than gracious hosts.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_she-invited-herself-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6fd6cb5-d5a6-495c-b4d0-95e4d24fb39fPost:5dc8077f-70f1-445c-9ebb-0fa6dfff3d3e">Re: she has invited herself to our wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]  I think by saying, "Sure, no problem",  B&G would look more like doormats than gracious hosts.
    Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

    I agree.  Get in back in touch with her some other time- weddings are not reunions.  No need to invite her, especially since she is the rude one who asked to be included.
  • Maybe I'm being a stick-in-the-mud, but I would not "reward" a rude request from someone you barely know with an inivitation. 

    You are perfectly within reason to ignore the request, or tell them your plans are already made, especailly as it's on such short notice.  And you don't seem keen on striking up an acquaintence with her, or FI renewing a friendship either.
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