Wedding Etiquette Forum

Shower/Bachelorette On The Same Day?

So, my bridesmaids decided on April 6th for my shower (June 1st is the wedding). I was super pumped and other than okaying the date and giving my input on the venue, I'm happy to just show up.

However, I have 4 (of 5) out-of-town bridesmaids. They suggested we do both the shower and the bachelorette on the same day so they can make sure to be at both. I understand why. I totally get it.

But a month has gone by, and I don't know why I didn't think of this before, but now, I'm thinking that people invited to the shower would also be invited to the bachelorette. Like. No one is going to do that. I wouldn't go to a shower in the afternoon, then go to a bachelorette for that same person that night. Right? Is that weird?

That said, I don't need a bachelorette at all, and I told them that. FI's is the weekend before the wedding, but that's because that's when his brother is flying in. I just wanted to get together and drink some stuff. I liked the idea of a Paint 'n Sip and drinks after. Or just dinner and drinks. I don't want to EXCLUDE the out-of-town bridal party by saying "let's just do it later in May," knowing they might not be able to come, but. For the people IN TOWN, it's weird. I don't know. I'm conflicted. 

I emailed my MOH about it for her opinion, but haven't heard back. I'm happy with whatever they want, but I don't know how successful a guest list will work out, and I don't want them planning a bachelorette and have no one come but the bridal party (even though that is just fine by me, too). 

Actually, now that I'm typing this out, maybe we could just do what they are planning, and I can see if in-town friends want to go out for a drink the night of FI's bachelor party just to do something (which is all I wanted in a bachelorette anyway--just drinks). I can plan THAT myself and not bill it as a bachelorette. Just drinks. Yeah?

Sorry it's long. I ramble. Thoughts?


Re: Shower/Bachelorette On The Same Day?

  • Honestly I think it's fine, as long as your bachelorette isn't a bachelorette/lingerie shower combo like some people do.  2 gift-giving events in one day is a lot.  But a gift-giving event and then a get together for the younger crowd?  I would be in, and it makes a lot of sense if you have out of town bridesmaids.  We're doing my bachelorette 2 nights before the wedding - old school pajama party with pizza, wine, movies, etc. in my parent's basement.  It's not super active, but it sounds great, and it's when everybody can be there.
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  • I fail to see the issue here.
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  • Personally, I would find two parties in one day tiring and would either skip one or leave the second early. I like your idea where who wants to come can, and then you can always have a girls night out another time, too.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_showerbachelorette-on-the-same-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c704002b-0ce0-4e8c-8ddf-907b950bbbbbPost:1277a15a-363a-452b-ad8f-8a165ccefb92">Re:Shower/Bachelorette On The Same Day?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I fail to see the issue here.
    Posted by Sharpschruter22[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I don't want them to plan two events on the same day because no one will show up to both, as another PP pointed out.</div><div>
    </div><div>I don't really CARE if no one comes. But why spend the time planning something?

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_showerbachelorette-on-the-same-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c704002b-0ce0-4e8c-8ddf-907b950bbbbbPost:39243e59-8e76-4c5a-b230-198e778d0ef0">Re: Shower/Bachelorette On The Same Day?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly I think it's fine, as long as your bachelorette isn't a bachelorette/lingerie shower combo like some people do.  2 gift-giving events in one day is a lot.  But a gift-giving event and then a get together for the younger crowd?  I would be in, and it makes a lot of sense if you have out of town bridesmaids.  We're doing my bachelorette 2 nights before the wedding - old school pajama party with pizza, wine, movies, etc. in my parent's basement.  It's not super active, but it sounds great, and it's when everybody can be there.
    Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Oh no, the bachelorette wouldn't be anything with gifts. And only about 20 people are invited to the bachelorette, including myself and the 5 bridesmaids, so really, only 14 people are overlapped on the shower/bachelorette list.</div><div>
    </div><div>I just didn't want something planned and no one be interested in coming...and so I was wondering if I should decline the bachelorette party part of the day. I don't want them to waste their time when I really don't need a bachelorette at all. That was my point. I failed to make it, I think.

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  • I think most people would come to both if they would come to both on separate days.


    I would stay out of the planning since you said you don't care about having a bachelorette party and this one would be a bonus with your OOT friends anyway.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_showerbachelorette-on-the-same-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c704002b-0ce0-4e8c-8ddf-907b950bbbbbPost:d405af48-8066-445d-a6f6-cfb01573906e">Re:Shower/Bachelorette On The Same Day?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Personally, I would find two parties in one day tiring and would either skip one or leave the second early.</strong> I like your idea where who wants to come can, and then you can always have a girls night out another time, too.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>That was my concern. And why I wondered about just declining the bachelorette and just saying "hey, if anyone is around and want to grab drinks in May, let's do that."</div><div>
    </div><div>But it seems like if I let it go as they are planning, the issue will sort itself out (maybe only the bridal party will come, and that's fine). Then I can just ask who wants to get a drink with me during the weekend of FI's bachelor party and bill it as just that--a drink.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_showerbachelorette-on-the-same-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c704002b-0ce0-4e8c-8ddf-907b950bbbbbPost:79c8282f-5b73-47ad-aad9-2f226232e4d8">Re: Shower/Bachelorette On The Same Day?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think most people would come to both if they would come to both on separate days. I would stay out of the planning since you said you don't care about having a bachelorette party and this one would be a bonus with your OOT friends anyway.
    Posted by pearlaqua[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Yeah, I think that's the best course of action. I guess I needed to write a billion paragraphs and ramble out loud to reach this conclusion. So, I thank everyone who listened and responded. :)

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  • I would let them plan and whatever it ends up being is fine.

    Brides aren't supposed to be too involved (if at all) with the planning of these 2 events.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_showerbachelorette-on-the-same-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c704002b-0ce0-4e8c-8ddf-907b950bbbbbPost:9ed9491a-a22b-4cef-ba04-ffcdab5bf8fb">Re: Shower/Bachelorette On The Same Day?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would let them plan and whatever it ends up being is fine. <strong>Brides aren't supposed to be too involved (if at all) with the planning of these 2 events.</strong>
    Posted by SCD1126[/QUOTE]\<div>
    </div><div>Oh, I know. The ONLY thing I was involved in was the date and they wanted input on the venue, so I said which one I prefered but I didn't mind either. My mom is helping with it and she has asked me a few questions when they have had ideas, and I finally said "Mom, stop, this is not my party to plan, and I want to be surprised!"</div><div>
    </div><div>Another reason I should just let it be and enjoy. </div><div>

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  • I know personally my two FSIL and I skipped the bachelorette party of their cousin whose shower was the same day. Then again, she was already married and having a PPD so that may have been part of the reason. We just didnt really feel up to it after watching her open gifts for three hours.
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  • My MOH actually wants to do this. She lives in SF, the rest of the BMs live in NY, and I live in DC. She has expressed that she would want to fly in to NY and do a couple's shower with the groomsmen in the afternoon (VERY low key) and then do a bachelorette that night in NYC. I think if you plan some naps accurately it would be fine. But I also don't party very hard, so I'm cool with just a couple hours with my best girl friends after a shower. It's also different for you because THEY'RE ALL traveling vs just me and my MOH. ::shrug::
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  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I had both of mine on the same day, mainly to accomodate my MOH, who lives out of town and was doing course work for her Masters in yet another town.  Anyway, most people made it to both parties, though neither were crazy busy.  Thinking of it, I did the same for hers, all in one day, again due to her being out of town and coming here for the shower/stagette.  Both went off great.  We did have a gap in between the shower and stagette though, about 2 hours for people to change, freshen up, etc.  Go with what works for you and your people throwing the party.  People will decide what they can attend

  • I understand what you were trying to say, but I fail to see the issue because I don't think it is a big deal. We did that for my best friend and everyone had a great time.
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  • 3/5 of my bridesmaids were out of town and I had my shower and bachelorette on the same day! It worked out really well that everyone was able to be there for everything without making trips on separate weekends.
  • I'm doing them on back to back days because 3/5 of my BMs are flying or driving a great distance. The BMs chose those days because then it was worth their time and money to travel in since it was for two events, not just one. I think the same day will also work well and agree that you don't have a problem at all. 
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  • I agree with PP.  FI's cousin had her shower and bachlorette the same day because of OOT BMs.  If I didn't have a baby shower the day after, I would have gone to both since I drove up to her shower (she's a 3 hour drive from my house).  I think it worked out well for her, so I would just go with it!
  • I went to a shower/bachelorette day this past spring for a family friend. The majority of the BP was OOT, along with several close friends who were not part of the BP but were OOT as well. The shower was a lunch-time brunch, they ordered pizza around 5ish as everyone got ready to go out and then we all headed out to the bars. My mother and I left the bar earlier than everyone else to drive the hour home. Just as long as you accomodate everyone's needs (naps, food, beverages, allow people to come/go during the break as necessary) there should be no problem.

    Advise your BP that it's not necessary (as you seem to have done) and just have fun with whatever happens!!!
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  • We are doing both for my sister the same day.  The shower is a brunch, and then once everyone leaves, we are doing other bachelorette things. 
    A) If they care about you and want to be there, they will stay, even if they are a little tired.
    B) it is more convenient for your out of town friends, so let them do it.

    Ours is only gonna be 8-10 girls but they all seem interested and not bailing because it might be a long day.  It's going to be fun, and there will be plenty of space between. Don't worry so much.
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