Prego Bridesmaid - I'm Not Being a Jerk.

Cryssteen

I want your advice on how I handled this.  I think it was probably the best way to address this issue, and couldn't see any other way.... 

My cousin is one of my very best friends.  She's obviously been invited to be a bridesmaid, as I was in her wedding.   Since accepting, she found out she was pregnant with her first child (YAY! I'M GONNA BE A PSUEDO-AUNT!!!)  I am beyond excited for her.   And, I want her in the wedding with or without a bump, if she's comfortable.   She told some family members that she was sorry she couldn't be in the wedding - she'll be about 35 weeks by the time I'm walking down the aisle.  I asked her about it to find out what she wanted to do.  I basically told her that it's entirely up to her.  I, of course, want her there, but I'm not going to be mad if she feels like she's not up to it.  I told her she could even decide that morning.  If she wanted, she could do a reading.  Whatever.

She said she wants to do it, but doesn't know if she'll be physically able to.   She knows there's no pressure either way.  

So, even though it does make me a little crazy not to know, I gave her info about the dress and copy her on any infomational emails to the BP.  I don't think I'll follow up with her until much much much closer to the wedding (which is in April).  What do you think?  Would you want to know 100% now, or just let it be?  Thanks!

AdeleDazeem

Let it be.  You said she had until the day of the wedding to decide so now you have to mean it.  There's nothing to change or stress about.  If she can't make it, just change up the order of walking in and out - there's literally nothing else to it.

misssunshine17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prego-bridesmaid-im-not-being-a-jerk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c77ccc96-f6de-4c66-a141-e7a722afc50dPost:7c13f601-3e41-48d1-989f-08b660cee565">Re: Prego Bridesmaid - I'm Not Being a Jerk.</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Let it be.  You said she had until the day of the wedding to decide so now you have to mean it.  There's nothing to change or stress about.  If she can't make it, just change up the order of walking in and out - there's literally nothing else to it.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]</strong>

<div>
</div><div>This exactly. Let her pick a dress and even if she wears it and sits in the front row. No one will notice uneven sides or that her name is listed but she's not standing up. </div><div>
</div><div>PS-congratulations :) </div>

msuprincess04

I think what you are doing is fine. Treat her like you would any other bridesmaid. Have her look at dresses and pick one out with her bump in mind. You could also give her the option to wear any other dress in an appropriate color if you are afraid of her spending too much money on a BM dress she might not wear. A simple black or grey maternatity dress, for instance.

You don't need to know 100% now, and you were right when you said you don't need to know till that morning. Because, she's still your BM, you can still list her in the program as such. You wouldn't replace her if she couldn't make it, and you wouldn't replace her if she can't make it that day. You are handleing this well.  

Sassenach1743

I think you're best bet is to just let it be for now. She will let you know what she wants to do as your wedding gets closer. 

Sounds like you communicated everything great so far. Focus on the many other things you need to do for the wedding and don't stress about this at all. There's no reason to have to know 100% at this point, like you said she could even decided the morning of. She could even go into labor the morning of, you never know can happen so its no use stressing about it or making an issue out of it now.

This is a non-issue. 

Plan the rest of your wedding and be excited for your cousin! 

btw, the pictures of your venue are beautiful!!! 

bunni727

I'd also let her know that you'd have a seat available for her if she decided to come but couldn't/didn't want to stand through the ceremony.

 I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to know sooner, just with asking/pressuring her to tell you sooner. Like, I want the lady in the next cubicle to offer me a delcious cupcake, but I'm not going to let her know that, kwim? But, like pp said, you pretty much have to wait and see.

brittany634

I think that is fine- I have a bridesmaid who will be 38 weeks pregnant when I walk down the isle next weekend. She has EVERY intention of being there, I told her there is no pressure but she's insistant, I think what you're doing is fine.

QueerFemme

As things progress, see how she is feeling closer to the wedding, and if she wants to walk down the aisle with you, just put a seat open in the first row so she can sit down through the ceremony.  

mcda04

I think you should just let it go. If it’s her first child, she doesn’t know how her body will handle her pregnancy, she might be exhausted at 35 weeks so I think her answer was fair. If you don’t expect them to stand during the entire ceremony maybe she can still be your bridesmaid, she probably won’t participate in the parties and showers though. The only reason you’d need to know is for the programs but if she already told you she wanted to be in your BP you should put her down regardless of whether or not she walks down the aisle with the rest of the girls.

Cryssteen

Thanks, everyone.   Yeah, I completely meant that I'd just let her do what she wants to do.  In the grand scheme, this is just one day.   Her sister is due with HER first child the day of the wedding, by the way.   She won't be able to make it at all, and I couldn't care less - I just want to see, love, hold, spoil that bebe!

allychase

I am in the same EXACT situation, my FSIL is pregnant and my wedding is also in April, and she will be 34 weeks at the wedding. She already bought her dress, a little bigger than she normally would.

She's a high risk pregnancy so there's always a chance she will be on bedrest for the wedding but ultimately baby and moms health trumps everything, so we really really hope she'll be there to see her brother get married but all we can do is hope for the best. Either way she'll still be considered a bridesmaid.

MissMeghan80

I think you are handling this well - with excitment for her and just letting to work itself out.  I may be in the same situation with my best friend (fingers crossed!!)

chrystielynn

Get a stool and decorate it in colors of the wedding and have it at the front of the church so she can sit during the ceremony!! That way she can be by your side for you day, and part of it, but not have to worry about standing for that long!